


Things You Do in Secret

by NiaChan



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Naruto Misses Sasuke, Possessive Uchiha Sasuke, Post-Chapter 699 (Naruto), Sasuke Works Through His Emotions, Secrets, Smut, sakura is a good friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:13:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 47,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22588483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiaChan/pseuds/NiaChan
Summary: Everyone has secrets. And after Naruto had broken up with Hinata, he had started a new pastime hobby that he–as a future Hokage and worldwide hero–definitely didn’t want to let anyone to know about.It was just a little secret in his otherwise satisfying life. But somehow that led Naruto into a situation he had never thought he could be in. Even if other people may have been expecting it for quite some time. Hoping for it, even.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 62
Kudos: 228





	1. Future Hokage's Questionable Hobby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As this is my first published fic, I'm a little bit nervous. There is no smut in this chapter, but there will be in the future (I'm still figuring out how to write it properly..). Hope you like this anyway!

**1\. Future Hokage's Questionable Hobby**

Setting sun was shining to Naruto’s eyes as he walked down the Konoha streets. He squinted his eyes and yawned, lifting his both hands up to the sky. He’d had a long day.

Studying to become a Hokage wasn’t an easy task, especially when he also had to work as the current Hokage’s assistant with Shikamaru. Learning-by-doing, as they said. And as the village was gradually getting bigger (everybody wanted to live where the _Hero of the Shinobi World_ lived), there were also growing amounts of paperwork that Kakashi-sensei shamelessly left to his two assistants to handle.

And oh boy, Naruto wasn’t the deskwork-type of a person _at all._ He did literally anything rather than that. In the past two years, he and his clones had rebuilt basically half of the village by themselves, done shitload of missions of every possible rank and went to every public event available just to avoid that.

But now that the village was mostly reconstructed and post-war peacefulness had limited the number of missions, Naruto had been bound to his desk more often than not. And he fucking hated it. Stationary work made him restless and grumpy.

He stretched his back, sore from his highly un-ergonomic working positions. He hadn’t had time to train properly in a long time, and he was starting to feel it. Maybe he could ask Sakura if she had time to–

“Nanadaime Hokage-sama!” Loud voice interrupted Naruto’s thoughts. Group of civilian kids, probably age of seven or so, were running towards him, their parents following shortly after. The kids surrounded him and one of them was waving some sort of paper in his hand cheerfully. “Nanadaime Hokage-sama! Look what we have!”

Naruto smiled away his frustration. He hated when people did that, called him a Hokage when he really wasn't one yet. For one, it felt like people didn’t even remember Kakashi-sensei _was_ the Hokage when they did it. And for second, he didn't know how he was supposed to answer to that kind of treatment. Correct them and end up with praises like _‘you’ll be the Hokage soon enough’_ or _‘it’s just a matter of time now’_ and that sorts. Be proud of himself or embarrassed? So usually he just ended up grinning nervously, like he was doing now.

“So, what you got?” he asked the kids smiling.

“We did a school assignment about you!”

“ And it got the best grade!”

“Look!” the kids explained excitedly, jumping around him like puppies.

“Oh, really? Good work everyone!” Naruto managed to snap the mentioned assignment and scan it quickly through. His chin dropped.

 _Uzumaki Naruto is the best shinobi in ever_ ... _that’s why he is Konohagakure’s Nanadaime Hokage after Rokudaime-sama and_ ... _always smile and help everyone and never sad or afraid or_ _... he stopped the war and ..._ _if you want to be like him you have to study hard so you can be the best too!_

“What the fuc– I mean, heck”, he corrected glancing at the parents further apart. But _fuck_! “And your teacher said it was correct?”

“Yes! She gave us extra points from life lessons too!”

Naruto couldn’t but stare at the paper. It was so _worshipping_ that he didn’t know what to think of it. Was this really how he was seen now days? Never sad, _studying_ hard... Maybe the civilian teachers did know nothing about his Academy years but still...

He loved the acceptance he had gained after the war. He loved the attention, he really did. But more often than not it felt like people didn’t really _see_ him any better than before. In his past, he had been the Demon in the eyes of the public. Now he was the Hero. Nothing more. He sighed and gave the assignment paper back to the kids.

“Y’know, it’s okay to be scared and sad sometimes, too”, he said. The kids looked at him as if they had never seen him looking that serious before. Which probably was true, as he usually wore his smile like some sort of security blanket wherever he went.

“But you never are...?”

“Believe me, I am, and when I was at your age–“ He didn’t have time to finish. One of the parents had stepped in.

“What if we all say goodbye to Uzumaki-sama, hm? I’m sure he still has important things to do today, so we mustn’t bother him too long” the man said to the kids, avoiding Naruto’s sight. Other adults were starting to gather the kids too. It was clear that they wanted to end their conversation as soon as possible.

And Naruto knew why.

He sighed, but didn’t press it further. Instead he grinned widely and waved at the kids as they run away, as cheerful as ever. The adults bowed to him like nothing had happened before they walked away too.

Right now Naruto was so glad he was going to spent his next two or three days out of Konoha.

And as a further cue to justify his opinion, Naruto saw three Huyga shinobi turning to his street. He didn’t know them by name, so he only nodded to them politely as they walked by. But it wasn’t enough, because they clearly knew Hinata quite well. If looks could kill (which wasn’t so farfetched in this situation), he would have been dead long time now.

If the rest of the Konoha treated him like some golden Hero, the Huyga clan was the exception to the rule. And all because he and Hinata had broken up few months ago.

Being with Hinata had been nice. When Naruto had finally accepted her feelings for what they were, he had thought that maybe he could give it a go. To be loved was all that he had really wanted in his life, after all. And Hinata loved him so much, so selflessly. He had thought that maybe he could learn to love her back.

For a while it had seemed that he could. They had been each other’s firsts in every area, starting with the first kiss (because who counted the one with Sasuke back in the Academy anyway?). Their first months together had been filled with exploration and learning. Shy kisses and blushing, pink sunsets and all that.

But when novelty of the relationship and all its intimacy had faded, Naruto had found himself feeling empty. Like there was still something missing. But for Hinata he had tried to keep going. Because, in a way he had really started to love her. Only not in the same way that the Huyga heiress loved him.

He had felt terrible about it, but in the end he had no other option but to tell Hinata how he felt, and how he didn’t. He couldn’t lie to her.

But the clan hadn’t taken the news as calmly as their heiress. Naruto still felt shivers run down his spine when he remembered how they had implied, in their polite but cold manner, that even if Naruto was the Hero of the Shinobi World, he still wasn't big enough to leave someone of Huyga's. Pride was peculiar thing, and clan pride especially was something that Naruto had hard time understanding.

But when he had found out that when he had left Hinata, the clan had already been in the middle of arranging their weddings he had realized why they were so reluctant to forgive him. He had been dating, if not totally casually, but still not _that_ seriously, while Hinata had seemingly been ready to settle for life.

It had been pretty shocking revelation.

So he had tried his best not to be disrespectful. He had done everything to make things right. He had acted so politely that sometimes he had been wondering if he was really breaking up or starting dating again. When he finally had been able to settle everything, there had still been some resentment left. And those who knew Hinata but didn’t know Naruto were the ones who really let it shown.

He had tried to avoid the whole clan as much as possible after that. So he bowed his head down and passed the Huyga shinobis as quickly as he could without looking like he was running away.

Which he totally was.

\---

"You are still doing it, huh?" Shikamaru asked. Though it really wasn't a question. 

His friend had been waiting him just outside of the main gate when Naruto had arrived. It wasn’t a surprise to him. This was the third time Shikamaru was supposedly trying to talk him out of his plans. They both knew that it wasn’t going to work this time any better than previously.

"Relax Shika”, Naruto grinned, and this time his smile wasn’t a mask. He never masked himself away from his most precious friends. “You are the only one who knows. And it's not like I am going to keep doing this after I become the Hokage." 

But he was going to keep doing it for now, that was for sure. After the whole mess that had been his and Hinata’s brake up, it had become pretty clear to Naruto, that dating casually wasn’t something he–as the future Hokage and worldwide known hero–could do in Konoha. Or anywhere else for that matter. He was going to be the next Hokage, and people expected certain behaviour out of him.

Maybe it had something to do with their drunk gambler Godaime Hokage and reluctant, porn reading Rokudaime Hokage who both never married or had kids or that sorts. Guess they wanted someone proper this time around. And for them, Naruto fit the part.

They thought that he was _perfect_. Someone to look up to. They wanted to see him settle down and start a family. It would have been a perfect way to forget all about his miserable youth and focus on the positive. But Naruto was definitely not ready to start anything that serious just yet.

Fuck, he was barely twenty!

So anything casual was off the table. But after Naruto had evoked his sexuality with Hinata, he couldn't just start celibacy either. And his life had become so _boring._ So he had ended up here, sneaking away from Konoha every time he had more than two free days in a row. It was a little bit embarrassing, but oddly exhilarating and liberating at the same time.

It had been the best of all possible options. At least he thought so himself. Others would surely disagree, but that was exactly why Naruto hadn’t told anyone.

“All it takes is some other than me to follow you one time, and the whole village will know. And then you won’t even become a Hokage.” There was real concern in Shikamaru’s voice, but Naruto decided not to hear it. 

Before he had found his new hobby he had felt himself so frustrated and suffocated all the time. He was not going to give up on it just because it was a bit risky. _Especially_ when being risky was an important part of the whole thing.

“Y’know, they say that I’m the best shinobi there is”, Naruto said teasingly, adjusting straps of his backpack. “I will notice if someone follows me.”

“You didn’t notice me”, Shikamaru said bluntly.

“That - that was only because I was distracted”, Naruto defended himself playfully. He was rapidly gaining his positive mood back. He knew very well that had been way too excited to pay any attention whatsoever when Shikamaru had followed him that time. Escape from his desk-bound life and its post-war happiness had filled his mind completely.

“Like you usually are”, Shikamaru stated the obvious. Because no matter what the villagers said, Naruto really wasn’t the best shinobi. He might be the most _powerful_ alive, if you didn’t count Sasuke (like the villagers usually didn’t), but there were so many areas where other shinobis surpassed him easily. Spying being just one example.

But he wasn’t going to say anything about that to Shikamaru now. His friend didn’t worship him the way so many others did, but for some unknown reason he still truly wanted to see Naruto as a next Hokage. If Naruto was honest with himself, he knew that the risk of losing his good reputation would surely lessen his possibilities in that area. Unlike Kakashi-sensei, Naruto would have some serious competitors for the council to choose from.

Like Konohamaru, the grandson of Sandaime. Or Sakura, student of both previous Hokage’s. Or even Shikamaru himself. Sure, he didn’t want it to happen, but he was the most intelligent shinobi in Kohoha and gained quite a reputation after the War. Council had plenty of good candidates to choose from.

But Naruto was too anxious to leave and be on his way already. He didn’t have time to really have this conversation now, when they both knew that it wouldn’t change anything. He was going to go today, no matter what. It was starting to get dark and he needed to run if he wanted to get to his destination before rush hour would start.

“Argh, Shika! Just - let me handle this my way. I promise I won’t get caught, okay?” He had started to tap his feet to the ground nervously and Shikamaru gave him an unimpressed look.

It really wasn’t an addiction as such, but it was something he needed. At least that was what Naruto tried to tell himself. But somewhere between his reckless prankster childhood and life threatening shinobi-training he had become somewhat adrenaline junkie. He hadn’t really noticed it before his life had started to slow down after the War.

He was happy that the world was steadier place now, he really was. He just wasn’t capable of being as steady himself yet.

He missed fights where he could let out all his chakra and really test his limits. Test Kurama’s limit too. He missed the feeling he got when he knew that it was a matter of life or dead. He missed training so hard that he would pass out rather than fall asleep at the end of it. He even missed his heated attempts to bring Sasuke back to Konoha.

Because without those, he became restless and grumpy and really not that smiling happy-go-lucky person he was expected to be. And being tied to his desk only made things worse.

He had encountered battles in his few missions, but they were hardy been a challenge for him, so powerful he had become. Training was alright, but he never had enough time or anyone to spar with. Besides, the only person who could train with him the way he needed was Sasuke.

And Sasuke had left Konoha again. Naruto did his absolute best to avoid think about that depressing fact any more than what was necessary. He knew he hadn’t left for good. He had promised to come back one day. His absence felt wrong and bitter after everything they had gone through, but Naruto just had to accept it.

Bond or not, he couldn’t tie Sasuke down. He was free to do whatever he liked.

But Naruto wasn’t. Not as himself, anyway. He couldn’t have the casual relationships he would have like to have to explore his awakened sexuality. And he needed to feel the rush of adrenalin in his veins. And he was so happy that he had found something that could resolve both of those problems at the same time that he wasn’t going to let Shikamaru talk him out of it so easily.

“Why you have to always do things that will cause problems?” Shikamaru breathed, and Naruto could hear that he had given up for now.

Naruto grinned to his friend."You know me Shika. Can't resist a challenge."

"Future Hokage being secretly a prostitute is hardly a challenge, but whatever", Shikamaru replied looking as bored as anyone could saying something like that.

Naruto didn't deny his friends words. His current doings were far from what his previous challenges had been. But he knew that Shikamaru understood him, that this was just something he needed right now.

And like answering to him, the brunette sighed and closed his eyes. "You always do what you want anyways. Such a drag."

Naruto just laughed to that. Maybe his choice of a hobby had been somewhat unpredictable. But hey, that’s what he was known for, or at least used to be known. Being the Number One _Unpredictable_ Ninja and all that.

“Just leave if you see anyone of Hyuga. Byakugan can see through your Henge and chakra suppression."

Naruto grimaced to the idea. "I really don't think they are up to that kind of activities. But don't worry. I'll watch my back."

And with that he jumped in to the dark forest that spread around the peaceful Konoha.

\---

It was late that same evening when Naruto reached his destination. It was a medium sized village in the Land of Rivers, just outside of Fire Country's borders. Naruto remembered the first time he had been there years ago with Jiraiya. It had been the first day of their travel together, and that perv had spent all Naruto's savings in the local high-end brothel. 

That same brothel was now Naruto's part-time workplace. He worked there few times in a month, under three different Henge characters. It had started as an experiment. He had read something similar in one of the Jiraiya's books and it had sounded interesting.

Naruto had wanted to see if he could do it. To be someone else, not to get caught and still get all the attention he really enjoyed having. And after he had tried, he had found out that he really liked it. It gave him freedom like nothing else. 

And it was the perfect way to show his middle finger to all those who saw him only as a hero and nothing more, too. They would have been so horrified if they knew what he did with his free time. It gave him strength to smile and act like he was supposed to when he was back at the Konoha again.

Smiling happily Naruto hide his chakra, and with a puff of smoke he turned himself to Mia. The girl was a developed version of his usual Sexy Jutsu character, only less overtly sexy and with fewer resemblances with Naruto. She had long red hair and playful green eyes, and she liked to wear pink yukatas. 

His other two characters were males. Jino was tall and slim silver haired charmer. Menma was closest to Naruto's natural look. He had similar body structure and messy hairstyle, but he obviously didn't have Naruto's signature scars on his cheeks, his hair was same flaming red as Mia's and his eyes were more like grey than blue.

Sometimes Naruto worked triple shifts with his clones, so all three of his characters were at the brothel. He had originally thought that it would decrease possible suspicious around any of them separately. But then he had found out how much thrill they added to his experience. Because even if his clones were strong, there was always a risk that they would disappear unexpectedly. 

Nothing life-threatening, but risky nevertheless. He enjoyed it enormously!

Naruto also enjoyed his walk through the village. No one recognized him. No one expected anything from him. He was just like any other people out there, not a future Hokage or Hero or anything. It was liberating beyond words. He liked the attention he received at Konoha and almost anywhere he went as himself nowadays. He was acknowledged and accepted like he had always wanted. But sometimes t become too much, and at those times he was grateful he had Mia, Jino and Menma. 

Once he arrived at the brothel he instantly noticed that the rush had already started. Air carried laud laughter and beating music from inside, and he could smell all the alcohol even from the distance. He quickly got to the employees door at the back alley and rushed in. 

"Oh, Mia! You made it!" cheerful voice greeted him immediately. 

"Hi Kurumi. Busy night?" 

"Oh, you have no idea. The bar is full and we have almost all our staff working upstairs. Are you here all weekend?" 

"Yes. And don't worry, I saw Menma on my way here and he said he was coming too." The madam of the house, Kurumi, was a loud and chatty woman with a good heart. He treated all the workers like her family and friends, and Naruto really liked working for her.

"That's good to hear! If you are ready, some of your regulars are already waiting at the bar. Room five should be empty", Kurumi said, before hurrying back to work. 

Naruto felt excitement bubbling in him. He knew that the thrill could fade away with time, but it didn't matter. Then he would stop and find something else. Right now this was what he wanted. What he needed. 

Before Hinata, he rarely thought about sex. There had been so much other things on his mind. Like Sasuke, the Akatsuki, the War, and well, Sasuke again. He'd had his blood running with fighting and training, and there really hadn't been able time for any other activities.

But time with Hinata had kinda opened his floodgates. It was almost embarrassing how his body had reacted. And after the breakup he had wanted to explore and try things out. He had considered one night stands or casual relationships in his Henge character, but it didn't seem fair. Pretending like that in intimate relationships didn't feel right. But here at the brothel it was different. He knew half of the other employees worked under some kind of disguise too, if not truly a Henge. No one here was themselves, not truly. So it didn't matter if he was neither.

There were clear rules, and both staff and customers played by them. And in addition to the standard rules that were stated by the brothel, employees could add their own ones too. Naruto had two rules of his own. He didn't do any kinks beyond light bondage without proper discussing about it before session, and he didn't kiss on the mouth.

The former was to prevent him doing anything he wasn't ready for. He was still somewhat inexperienced in that area after all. But he was eager to learn, so he didn’t automatically say no to anything before discussion. The later was to help him separate work and personal life. One day he wanted a steady relationship, but he didn't want to develop any feelings for his customers. It would have been wrong in so many different levels that Naruto refused to even think about it. 

He looked around in the backroom to be sure no one was around. Then he made two clones, one who was Menma and one who was Jino. They nodded to each other politely and walked to the bar. 

\--- 

The sun was already starting to set when Naruto finally woke up the next day. He was in the room he had rented few blocks away from the brothel. For a moment he just lay down on his bed, trying to fully wake himself up.

Last night had been fun, but pretty uneventful. He had served many of his regulars, and even few new ones too. It had been all vanilla, but he didn’t mind. Naruto liked to see how his customers enjoyed in his hands, whatever it was that they wanted him to do. He liked the feeling he got when they desired him, when he was able to make them moan and scream from pleasure. When he was able to do it even better than previously.

There had been that one regular of Mia’s who liked to watch how he stripped off full traditional kimono. He didn’t even want sex after that, he just enjoyed watching. And Mia was always happy to please him, especially after he had gifted her with the most beautiful pink and white and dark blue kimono set she/he had ever seen. Wearing that kimono was almost as fun as taking it off.

And one of his personal favourites had showed up too. She was this middle aged lady who _really_ liked to hear Jino talking dirty to her while they fucked. Naruto had become pretty creative. Heck, he had even done some research after their last time!

And somehow Naruto felt like that woman had a little crush on Konoha’s current Hokage. Because yes, he had used Kakashi-sensei as an inspiration for Jino: they had the same build and hair colour, and that _something_ that Naruto had found ladies liked in his sensei. Otherwise they weren’t look-a-likes, it would have been too weird. But this lady always wanted him to wear a white cloak, similar to Hokage’s traditional outfit, and Naruto was sure she had called him the Rokudaime one or two times. Naruto thought it was hilarious.

Then there had been this one guy who had come to get rid of his virginity with Menma. Naruto felt somewhat conflicted with that kind of situations. His first time had been obviously with Hinata, and it had started as romantic and sweet and special. It wasn’t something you could get at the brothel, no matter how classy it was.

Then again, Naruto’s first time had also ended up being painful (for Hinata), embarrassing (for both of them), all too quick and really not that enjoyable. But in the brothel it never was any of those things. So s/he always concentrated to give their virgin customers the most pleasurable and memorable first time they could get. He felt honoured every time s/he was someone’s first. 

So it had been fun night. But other than those tree cases, no one really had stood out. Blow jobs, had jobs, rimming, touching, penetrating, stripping, little spanking and so on. Nothing really special. But Fridays were usually like that. However, Naruto had high hopes for the next two days.

Maybe something interesting would happen after all.

\--- TBC---


	2. Confusing Touches, Confusing Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is almost entirely just a smut. It's first smut that I have ever wrote, and it was unbelievably hard to get right. I'm still not hundred percent happy with it, but well... It is what it is. Hope you still like it!

**2\. Confusing touches, confusing feelings**

"There is someone new man waiting for you in the room seven", one of the girls called out as soon as Naruto, as Menma, walked in the backroom. Jino and Mia were already waiting outside ready to come in soon after him. This night though seemed much calmer than the previous one, so maybe he didn't need all three of them. 

"Does he want anything special?" Naruto asked, hanging his jacket to coat rack next the door. He almost hoped some weird kink so his night would at least start with something interesting. He wasn’t eager to repeat last night’s routines whole weekend. 

"No, just your standard hour and half. But he specifically wanted you, after he saw the picture. Really hot looking man, by the way. Only seemed a bit reserved." 

Naruto felt slight smile appear to his face. Reserved and shy ones were hard to get relax, but when they did, it usually was worth the trouble. _Like it had been with Hinata._ They took time, but Naruto was always up for a challenge. And if this one was also good looking, it was only a bonus. This wasn’t what he had hoped, but it would do. 

\---

As he climbed the stairs to privet rooms, he started to feel strange. Sensation grew only stronger as he got closer to the room seven. Then it hit him. He felt familiar chakra. The one chakra that he had missed. The one he had thought _for sure_ never to feel in place like this. 

At his first day he had decided that he wouldn't do anyone he knew. It was his third rule, and he was adamant with it. First of all it would have been weird. If not right away, then surely later. Secondly he didn't want to risk being recognized. And the person in the room would definitely recognize him right away, no doubt about that.

_Sasuke._

Naruto hadn't heard a word from him since he had wrote to him several months ago, when he had broken up with Hinata. And it was even longer when he had last saw his friend in person. He had missed him so much! His brutal honesty, his wittiness and most of all, the way his mere presence made Naruto feel. Accepted, equal and really, _truly_ understood. It was a feeling only Sasuke could give him.

Sasuke would understand why he was working here, Naruto was sure of that. He would say that it was stupid and irresponsible, he would say that Naruto had lost his fucking mind, but in the end, he would understood nevertheless. He wouldn't blow out his cover, so there was no harm if he just went in to say 'hi' to his best friend.

Though Naruto was more than a little bit surprised that Sasuke had come here of all places. Surely he had found out that Naruto worked here and wanted to see him. Because there was no way his ‘do-not-touch-or-I’ll-kill-you’ of a friend would’ve come here as an actual client. Right? 

Taking a deep breath Naruto opened the door and stepped in. 

Sasuke was lounging in a large bed that filled almost all space in the room. Naruto had always known that his friend looked good, he wasn’t blind, but seeing him like this... Damn he looked _hot_. His open shirt showing shred of his pale chest, only hand resting on pillows...

Like waiting to be served. Naruto felt chill run through his spine.

An eye patch covered the Rinnegan, and Sasuke’s face was as expressionless as usual, but somehow he seemed... different? More relaxed but more tens at the same time.

 _He’s drunk,_ Naruto realised. Not much, but still more than Naruto had never seen him to be. Sasuke rarely drank, and when he did, it rarely was in a public place like this. He said he wanted to stay focused and alert when around unknown people. Naruto wondered what had made Sasuke to break his habits like this.

"Um... hi", Naruto said, still standing at the doorway.

"Hn", came the short answer. Heavy lidded eyes scanned Menma’s body up and down. Sasuke nodded slightly, and there was flash of determination in his eyes. But no sign of recognition.

It was surprising. Shikamaru had said that Byakugan could see through his Henge and chakra suppression, so surely Rinnegan could do the same with ease?

Or –maybe Sasuke just waited Naruto to say something first. It must be that Sasuke waited how long it would take him to stop acting. Naruto smirked internally. Two could play that game. 

"What do you want me to do, sir?" he asked innocently as he slowly walked towards the bed. They would laugh their asses off because of this afterwards.

"Take of your shirt", Sasuke said, his face expressionless.

Naruto stopped just in front of the bed and started lift his t-shirt’s hem up, revealing slowly Menma's abs that were just as defined as Naruto's own. He tossed the unwanted piece of clothing aside. 

"Now your pants", Sasuke commanded again. 

This was easy. He could strip for Sasuke, if the man wanted. They had seen each other naked dozens of times back when they were kids. Sasuke needed to push harder if he wanted Naruto to break the role. 

When the pants were gone too, Naruto saw Sasuke's gaze wander over his, or rather Menma's, cut body. It was dark and intense. Oh, Sasuke played dirty. He was about to comment that, but Sasuke was faster. 

"Fully naked', he said. 

For some reason, Naruto felt a twitch in his stomach. But he stepped out of his boxers and tossed them away as well. He wasn’t shy about his body.

"Now come here." 

Naruto hesitated. He looked at Sasuke trying to read any signs of amusement in those mismatched eyes, but found none. Uchihas were known for their hard-to-read faces, and Sasuke was no exception. But after their fight at the Valley of the End, Naruto had been able to sense some of Sasuke's emotions better than before.

This time, however, only emotions that he could get from Sasuke were those that matched the situation. Impatience and lust. But if this was just a game, he didn't want to lose to Sasuke. He was a bad liar, but under his Henge he could act too. He sat on the bed and leaned towards Sasuke. 

He had to swallow before he could whisper to his ear: "Should I take your clothes off too?" 

He had expected that this would be the line of the game, but to his horror, Sasuke only nodded, locking his eyes to Menma's grey ones. 

\---

This was becoming way too real. Naruto’s heart started to beat faster and his hands sweat. He should stop and quit the act. Reveal himself while he still could. But something in Sasuke's dark gaze made him want to continue. He was surely out of his mind. 

His hands trembled slightly as he unzipped Sasuke’s white shirt and slide it off his shoulders. Sasuke yanked his hands completely free from the garment and throw it away. For a moment Naruto just stared the pale flesh of his best friend’s upper body, and Sasuke let him. Contours of his firm muscles, occasional scars here and there. Fine line of dark hair in lower abdomen, leading lower parts of the body. Lower parts that were clearly _reacting._

Naruto felt heat starting to puddle up in his body, heading south. All of a sudden he was becoming increasingly aware of his own nakedness. He glanced at Sasuke. He knew that Menma was Naruto, right? He had his Rinnegan, so why wouldn’t he?

Somehow Naruto still started to feel that he didn’t. Or he was playing totally different game than Naruto had thought. Because the way Sasuke looked at him, emotions that Naruto could sense coming from his best friend, they were definitely _real._

_What the hell are you thinking, Sasuke?_

“We don’t have whole night here”, Sasuke snarled, like a response to Naruto’s thoughts.

Naruto shivered but didn’t break the gaze. He wouldn’t have been able to, even if he had wanted to. For some reason he didn’t quite understand himself, he wanted to see this through. To see where this would lead. Naruto felt heat in the room rising, as he slowly started to open Sasuke's pants. 

_Why this doesn’t this feel wrong?_ Naruto wondered. _Sasuke is my friend. Best friend._ _This_ should _feel wrong._ But it really didn’t. He was truly curious to see how this would play out. Even if it was completely insane. 

_Maybe this job has affected me after all_ , he thought as he slide his hands around Sasuke's waist and pulled man's pants off. 

Sasuke gasped slightly, when Naruto freed his already semi-hard cock from garments. Naruto watched now fully naked Uchiha with horrified curiosity. They were definitely not kids anymore, that was for sure.

Naruto lifted his eyes to look at Sasuke. To see, if he really was serious about all this. But Sasuke's face was as expressionless as ever. And Naruto felt only anticipation. His own as well as Sasuke's. Naruto shivered as he felt a rush of adrenalin run through his system. His eyes slid close.

Before he could really think what he was doing, Naruto positioned himself between Sasuke’s legs and placed his hands to man’s flat stomach. He felt the hard muscles twitch slightly under his touch, but expression in Sasuke's face didn't change. It was still the same intense gaze that give nothing away. Nothing but pure, raw lust. Naruto felt his heart starting to beat faster again.

He moved his hand upper in Sasuke’s body, exploring every inch of it, until he reached man’s chest. He run his thumbs experimentally over Sasuke’s pink nipples, and was immediately rewarded with the slightest hiss from his friend. So Naruto leaned forward and licked now perk nipples few times.

 _What the actual fuck am_ I _doing?_ Naruto thought briefly. It was clear, that for some unknown reason Sasuke didn’t recognize him. He was here as a real client. And without really noticing, Naruto had slipped over the line where he could just reveal himself and greet Sasuke as a friend. He had gone too far and now there was no turning back. And he didn’t really know why he had done it.

Naruto moved so he was now above Sasuke and leaned closer. They both gasped, as their naked bodies came into contact. Sasuke’s hand gripped small of Naruto’s back and flush them together even closer, their erections pressed together deliciously.

Small moan escaped Naruto’s lips. It felt like his whole body was burning with arousal. Despite his job, he hadn’t been this turned on in _ages._ He really didn’t want to think meaning behind that. Not now at least. 

Slightly overwhelmed, he placed his lips on the elegant curve of Sasuke’s neck and started to grind his hips against Sasuke’s. Man beneath him groaned and tilted his head, to give Naruto a better access, his hips responding Naruto’s movements eagerly. Naruto bite his lip.

Sasuke was a client, he had to remind himself. Sasuke had come here and paid for Menma’s time. And Naruto had to be the professional he was. He planted series of heated kisses on the smooth skin of Sasuke’s neck, before lift his head up to met Sasuke’s eyes. He had to keep control, somehow.

“Would you like me to suck you?” he asked with his most seductive, work only voice. Question he hadn’t ever imagined to ask Sasuke.

_But it isn’t really me asking, it’s Menma. So it’s alright._

“Mmh, yes”, Sasuke answered, his voice hoarse and gaze dark as ever. Naruto had never heard him like that before. So raw and _wanting._

They stared each other silently for a while, both trying to catch their breath.

Naruto could feel Sasuke’s breath in his face. He smelled alcohol in it, but also scent that he knew was only Sasuke. And now, in situation like this, Sasuke hard against him... It was intoxicating.

He ran his hands through Sasuke’s beautiful raven hair. Everything was so very strange. The way Sasuke sighed under his touch, the way that it made Naruto feel...

He had to keep control. So he forced his eyes away from Sasuke’s, and moved back between his legs. Now he didn’t hesitate.

\---

As long as he didn’t look at Sasuke, as long as he didn’t think about Sasuke, this was just another client he was going to please. He placed his hands to man’s thighs and run his thumbs up gently, until he reached the crotch. Man opened his legs more, allowing him full access.

This was work, nothing more, nothing less.

Naruto moved his other had under man's ass to lift it up a little, while he started to stroke his balls gently with another. He was careful not to touch man’s dick yet, letting it throb just millimetres from his mouth.

Man let out frustrated sound and tried to flex his hips up to change the situation, but Naruto had expected it. One quick movement, and he had pinned man’s hips firmly to the mattress.

“Don’t be so impatient.” He placed his lips at the base of man’s dick. “It’s better if you wait a bit”, he breathed against the soft skin, knowing the sensation would be just enough to feel, but not nearly enough to give any relief.

"Oh, fuck!" man panted. His hand gripped Menma’s red hair, almost painfully. 

Naruto smirked. He moved his lips to the man's balls and sucked them in his mouth, swirling his tongue skilfully around them. Then he finally turned his attention to the hard, pulsing organ that already leaked precum right in front of his eyes. One hand still pinning man’s hips down, other gripping his thigh, Naruto gave a long, savouring lick to its whole length.

Man drew in shuddering breath and Naruto felt hand in his hair tighten its grip. He smirked, but didn’t look up.

Instead he palmed the shaft and let his fingers caress its velvety smooth skin, enjoying the way it twitched every time he reached the head. Then he reached to the nightstand where condoms and lube were held. He opened one condom package with his teeth and rolled protection effortlessly to its place. He left his hand at the base of the cock, and brought its head to his mouth.

He started to swirl his tongue around the head, while pumping slowly his hand up and down. He felt how the man tried to push his hips up desperately, so he decided to let him. He let go of man’s hips and shift his hand instead back under his butt to lift him up. Man let out surprised sound, when Naruto let his whole length slide to his mouth. He repeated movement few times, responding his client’s movements. Then he pulled his head back a little and concentrated to the head again, hand continuing pumping pace man had set for him.

Incoherent noises that he heard coming from the man’s mouth told him that his client was giving what he had paid for. Naruto smiled and let his tongue explore around the shaft deep in his mouth. Thin condom let him trace all the veins of it accurately, to feel how it pulsed harder and harder. Man was flexing his hips up with growing speed and his hand in Menma’s hair was scrabbling through the red strands restlessly. 

Then suddenly he felt the man froze.

"S-stop", Sasuke shuddered, pulling Naruto's hair. And Naruto snapped back into reality. 

It wasn’t some faceless man, but Sasuke he was sucking. And he wanted Naruto to stop. 

He let Sasuke's hard length slide out of his mouth and reluctantly lifted his head to meet Sasuke's flushed face. His friend was breathing hard, gasping, clearly trying to keep himself from cumming. His eyes were half closed and pupils insanely dilated.

"I want you to fuck me", Sasuke breathed out quietly.

\---

“What?” Word escaped his mouth before he could stop it. Naruto stared his friend, relieved that he wasn’t rejected, but filled with confusion. Sure it was what Sasuke had seemingly come here for, but still...

“Fuck me”, Sasuke said again, now more audibly. There flickered strange mix of embarrassment, determination and desperation in his voice. Underneath all that, Naruto could feel lust, and something else. Trust? It was strange and misplaced.

Naruto frowned his brows. He couldn’t believe what he heard. The tone was as strange as the plea itself. Sasuke wanted him to...? Really? Truly? He couldn’t believe that Sasuke would surrender himself to someone he didn’t know that easily. It was so out of character that Naruto didn’t know what to think of it.

He shook his head slightly and decided not to think at all. It clearly was what Sasuke wanted. And he realised that he wanted to do exactly that too. Bare thought of it made his dick twitch.

Naruto licked his dry lips and smirked to Sasuke, tying to look as trustworthy as he could. He removed condom from Sasuke’s cock and reached to the nightstand again, picking some new condoms and small tube of lube. Then he poured generous amount of lube to his fingers and slowly pressed one digit against Sasuke's pink hole.

He felt how Sasuke’s whole body twitched to it, so he started slowly, carefully circling his finger around the ring, spreading the lube all over. He lifted his head up to meet Sasuke’s eyes. Understanding what he was asking, Sasuke nodded slightly. Only then Naruto started to press his finger in.

Sasuke was so tight. He didn’t flinch or make any noise, and his face was void of all emotions, not looking Naruto but the ceiling. So Naruto knew he was hurting, or terribly nervous at least. It occurred to Naruto, that this might be Sasuke’s first time bottoming. Mixed feelings spread across his chest. He was relieved that it would be with him, someone Sasuke could trust. But at the same time–he had come here. It could have been anyone, just _anyone_... Naruto didn’t quite understand why he felt almost mad about that. He sighed and tried to relax. Now was not the time for that kind of thoughts. And he needed to Sasuke relax as well.

Naruto placed his clean hand to Sasuke’s still angrily throbbing shaft and started to roll his thumb over its head, lubricated with precum. He didn’t move his finger inside Sasuke before he could feel muscles around it loosen up a bit. Only then he started to move, carefully rotate it against those tight walls, pulling it out and pushing it in, other hand still working with Sasuke’s cock.

When he heard Sasuke to pant again, he decided to introduce second finger. This time Sasuke flinched and let out a small moan. Naruto smiled. Now it didn’t took long for Sasuke to loos enough for third finger. Naruto used little more pressure, thrusting his fingers in and out, rotating them against his ring muscles. Then he reached a little, and hit _the_ spot. Sasuke clenched around his fingers and all but cried of pleasure. The sound run through Naruto’s core and went straight to his dick. He didn’t notice how he himself had started to pant as well, as he continued hitting Sasuke’s prostate with his fingers

"A-ah–just, ah, just f-fuck m’ already!" Sasuke moaned. Impatience in his eyes was all too familiar to Naruto. Uchiha Sasuke didn't want to wait. He always could, but never wanted to. And Naruto wanted neither.

Without saying a thing Naruto simply moved up, letting Sasuke basically pull him from his hair on top of him, so that they were face to face again, bodies tangled together. Sasuke's hand gripped Naruto's hair harder, almost painfully. His gaze demanding, wanting.

 _This is_ Sasuke, _so its fine..._ was his last even partly coherent thought before Sasuke fused their lips together and Naruto lost his ability to think.

It was uncoordinated and sloppy at first, tooth clanking together and getting in the way. Sasuke bite Naruto’s lip so hard it started to bleed, Naruto responding eagerly with same force, their blood and saliva mixing together. Sasuke’s hand in Naruto’s hair pulling him constantly closer with desperate force, Naruto fisting his hands to Sasuke’s midnight hair as well. Their tongues exploring each others mouths, fighting for dominance in balanced battle that was so them. They parted only to catch a breath, and even then Naruto was nibbling Sasuke’s jaw line, Sasuke pressing his hand to small of Naruto’s neck.

Naruto felt dizzy, his head was spinning. And when he looked at Sasuke he saw those same feelings reflecting back to him. Their emotions were as tangled together as their bodies were, and Naruto couldn’t feel if it was his or Sasuke’s eagerness that forced him to finally put on a condom and place the head of his painfully hard dick to Sasuke’s entrance and press in.

They both groaned at the intense sensation. Naruto needed all his willpower to hold himself back and let Sasuke to adjust the situation. Pain and pleasure and relief flickered in Sasuke’s face the way Naruto had never seen, and it was just mesmerizing. And the hot tightness around Naruto’s dick was almost too good, almost too intense. To know it was Sasuke...

“Move”, Sasuke breathed. He had wrapped his legs around Naruto’s waist and his only hand was tangled in his hair, gripping it hard.

“You sure?” Naruto asked. Sasuke was still so, _so_ tight around him. He didn’t know if he would last long like this.

“Mmh” Sasuke nodded, vehement burn in his eyes.

Naruto couldn’t hold himself, so he closed distance between their faces, breathed in Sasuke’s familiar but thrilling scent and brushed his lips against Sasuke’s. Then he pulled himself out of Sasuke and thrust back in. They both moaned, deep in their kiss, and Naruto knew he couldn’t last long. It wasn’t like him, but this all... It was just too much. He moved again, pulling out and thrusting in. Sasuke’s hips started soon responding as they found a steady rhythm.

Naruto lifted himself up so he could see Sasuke better. His friend was all flustered, his face all reddened and raven hair spiky mess in Naruto’s hands. He had never seen him looking more beautiful , more desirable in his life. His dark eye was staring straight to Naruto’s soul. And Naruto couldn’t take it anymore. It was too much, way too much.

“I want you to turn”, he whispered between his hard pants, his lips brushing Sasuke’s ear.

Confusion flashed in Sasuke’s gaze, but he didn’t complain. He just pulled himself back and turned an all fours, ass high up and face almost in pillows. Then he turned his head and looked Naruto over his shoulder.

“Like this?” he asked, and it was by far the sexiest thing Naruto had ever seen in his life. He could almost have cummed only for that sight. He must have been drooling, based on amused grin on Sasuke’s face.

“You want to stop?” Sasuke asked, almost playfully.

“Hell no!” Naruto all but growled, grabbing Sasuke’s hips and thrusting in with force he knew only Sasuke would handle. He picked up a speed, and felt Sasuke under him responding with same amount of eagerness. He bend over and grabbed Sasuke’s leaking and throbbing cock in his hand and started to pump. He was so close, and he couldn’t finish without Sasuke.

He felt his body tense, heat gathering ready to release...

“Nhg, fuck, Naruto!” Sasuke’s voice was incoherent cracking mess as they both came hard almost at the same time.

Then uncomfortable silence settled between them. They were froze, panting and sweaty, but unmoving like statues. Naruto’s mind was blank. What he had just heard?

Then small clock at the door started to ring, signalling that the hour and half that Sasuke had paid had run out. Naruto pulled himself out, and quickly removed the condom from his softening dick.

“Um... I have to go now...” he said nervously, getting up from bed and picking his clothes from the floor. Then he all but run to the door, too afraid to even look back where Sasuke still laid.

\---

Naruto barely managed to stumble down the stairs and escape to the backroom, before his feet sweep off.

His heart was pounding, his head felt dizzy and well–he was in shock. His emotions were all over the place and he had millions of questions that he didn’t know if he even wanted to hear answers. What the fuck had just happened? Adrenaline rushed in his veins and he felt more alive than in ages. And he was horrified.

_What the fuck just happened?_

\--- TBC---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All constructive criticism is welcomed! 
> 
> Next chapter will be more about the actual plot (not that there is any super deep plot in this anyway) and it will be on Sasuke's POV, just for you to know.


	3. Multiple Forms of Torture

**3\. Multiple forms of torture**

Sasuke had basically run away, and it was embarrassing beyond measure. But staying would have been even more embarrassing. That brothel had been a bad idea from the start, and he should have never let himself to go there. He should have just drank his sake quickly and leave, like he had planned, and definitely not to look up the portfolios of the staff there.

He sure needed his redemption, but why on earth he had to torture himself like this over and over again? He had done it more times than he should have, to know it did nothing good to him. And it had been bad enough as it was.

He had fucked completely strangers, willingly fooling himself to think they were Naruto. He had willingly balanced his still fragile sanity between bitter disappointments and foolish hope. It had been bad enough as it was.

He only ended up doing it when he was drunk enough not to care, and he truly didn’t drink that often. Mostly when his loneliness and longing grew out of control, or when he was _really_ nervous (which he hardly ever was). This had been his fifth time in almost two years. Five times too often nevertheless.

And now... He had allowed that one to fuck him. Better yet, had asked for it. He had basically _begged_! (He refused to even think about the fact that it had been his first time in said situation.)

But it had felt so incredibly _real_. Every second of it. Every touch, every kiss... Even the man’s chakra had felt like Naruto’s. Brightly burning flame which Sasuke couldn’t get enough of. But why on earth he’d had to call out his name?! He closed his eyes in abysmal frustration. 

The old Sasuke would have been throwing Chidoris all over the place right now. The old Sasuke would have been screaming and burning everything in his way. But he was trying to be better than that. More tranquil, more in control of his negative emotions. Less explosive, at least.

He crashed a hole in a tree that got too near him, as he walked. He wasn't quite there yet. But at least he was honestly angry to _himself_ this time. 

He must have been too drunk. Or too tired. He couldn’t really remember the last time he had slept properly. But to get so trapped to one’s own Genjutsu was just pathetic. He was an _Uchiha,_ for fucks sake!

Oh, he was almost glad that his clan was dead so they could never found out. 

Forest around him was full of birds. With his Rinnegan Sasuke could see them all. He tried to focus to their singing, and calm down. There was no human soul anywhere near him. He could breath and to be himself and go through all his embarrassing thoughts without distraction.

Loud crash echoed in the forest, as another unsuspecting tree got too near.

\---

He was still heading to Konoha. He could have run and be there within hours, but he preferred walking. No one there expected him, and he needed time to think everything through one more time now that he was calmed down a bit.

He wanted to be absolutely sure, that his decision wasn’t as foolish as he sometimes thought it was. He had reviewed it dozens of times already, but he’d learned it through the hard way to not trust himself so blindly when it was about feelings. He had tendency to go... extremes.

Naruto and Hinata had broken up. And Sasuke wanted to know why.

He didn't hope too much, but if there was even tiniest possibility that Naruto had finally recognized those things that Sasuke had seen inside that blond idiot at the Valley of the End... 

Sasuke just had to know. 

They had seen each other's hearts that day. But clearly they hadn't seen their owns. Sasuke had spent several days reflecting all that what Naruto had said to him and showed to him. About the revolution and not being alone. And about the friendship they had. 

Their bond. 

And Sasuke had finally recognised what it was. Or maybe _accepted_ would be the proper word. Because he had to admit, that he had felt it for a long time. And he had suspected. But in the end it had been just another feeling to suffocate in his path of revenge.

But he didn’t want to suffocate his feelings anymore. To be in control–sure–but not suppress totally without even knowing what they were.

It was just that Naruto hadn’t recognised his feelings.

Maybe he hadn't had time to reflect. His room at the hospital had always been full of visitors, and even after he got out, those admirers followed him everywhere. It was frustrating, but understandable enough. He was famous and praised hero of the village and whole shinobi world. The next Hokage.

Nevertheless, the result still remained. They’d had certain _moments_ when Sasuke was imprisoned, but as soon as he got out, Naruto had gone back to their previous friendship and ignored everything else. 

Sasuke knew that he couldn't make Naruto to see it. Naruto wasn't kind of person who listened reasoning. He had to recognise it on his own, or he wouldn't believe it. 

And now Sasuke hoped that he would have done just that. What else could have broken his and Hinata’s perfect relationships?

\---

Next morning Sasuke was standing in front of Konoha's gates, mind full of hesitation. He would always protect this village, at least as long as Naruto wanted him to. But it didn't mean that he had forgiven.

This was still the same lying piece of shit village that had destroyed his clan and his brother, that had let him live alone surrounded by ghosts when he was just a kid. Village that had let Naruto live alone his _entire life_ and treated him the worst possible way.

_I have come this far already..._

Sasuke sighed and walked through the gates. He saw how guards looked at him, unsure of what to do, but he didn’t pay attention to them. Inside these gates he was legally a free man. He could walk here as he pleased, even if only because of Naruto and Kakashi.

Apart from them, Sakura was the only person who had defended him when he had his trial after the war. Shikamaru had offered some legal advices, but only for the sake of Naruto, not for him. Rest of his Academy acquaintances, Naruto’s friends, had done nothing. And Sasuke knew what they thought about him.

But he didn't care. He wasn't like Naruto, who gathered friends the way some kids gathered stickers. Not so long ago he had thought that he didn't need anyone at all. That he would be better alone. Now he knew that he only needed one person. He needed Naruto. But Sakura wasn't bad either. 

Even though Konoha had changed drastically since he had last been there, his feet led him automatically to Ichiraku Ramen. After all, it was the best place to start looking for Naruto. 

But instead of him, he saw Sakura there. As soon as the girl noticed him, warm smile appeared on her face.

"Sasuke-kun! You came back!" she cried in surprise. 

When Sakura run to him and wrapped her hands around him for a tight hug, he let her do that. He even placed his own hand to Sakura's back gently. He was genuinely happy to see her.

Things had been settled between them little over a year ago, when he and Sakura had accidentally met on a mission of hers. The girl had clinched to him immediately and started to follow him, insisting that it wasn't good for Sasuke to be alone. They had ended up spending few months together.

In that time, however, it had become clear that any attraction Sakura felt towards him was only leftovers from her school-girl crush. And after that realization Sakura had become noticeably less annoying. She had become nice, a _friend_. His second real friend.

And it was considered okay for friends to hug after long separation. He was still somewhat wary of Sakura's behaviour, but when she let him go and looked him in the eyes without blushing, he could see that she hadn't returned to her old habits. Sasuke was relieved, so he smiled back a little.

"Have you seen Naruto?" he asked, as they walked back to ramen stall where Sakura had left her unfinished lunch.

“Oh, he hasn’t returned yet”, Sakura answered, picking up her chopsticks again.

“From a mission?”

“No, from...” Sakura slurped her noodles. “I think he calls them training trips”, Sakura said and waved her chopsticks dismissively. “He does it few times a month nowadays. To let off steam, he says. I think he just goes somewhere to bath or something, but I don’t blame him. I could use few days off myself too, but it had been quite hectic at the hospital recently. We just opened the extension wing, but we don’t have enough medics for hospital that large yet, so I have done triple shifts while trying to train new medics. Even Tsunade-sama is so stressed that she complains about everything for no reason, and of course I’m the one who have to put up with her and...”

Sasuke barely listened Sakura’s work-related whining. It didn’t bother him like it would when he was younger, but he just had more important things in mind.

“Do you know when he comes back?” He had been prepared for the possibility that he would have to wait for Naruto, but he wouldn’t like to wait too long.

“Hmm.. he left on Friday, so he should be back late tonight or early tomorrow morning”, Sakura replayed. She didn’t seem to be offended by the interruption, but didn’t continue her rambling either.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, Sasuke lost in his thoughts and Sakura finishing her meal. People walk by them in their daily chores, and Sasuke saw how they looked at him when they thought he didn’t see. But he didn’t care.

“So, what are you up to now?” Sakura asked when she had emptied her bowl.

“I should go to see Kakashi”, Sasuke said reluctantly. He was free to do as he wanted, but supposed it would be _polite_ to let the Hokage officially know his whereabouts. Even though he was certain that Kakashi already knew he was here.

"We can go there together, if you don't mind”, Sakura said smiling. “I have to drop my rapport there before I can go back to hospital, anyway.”

Sasuke didn’t mind. Sakura’s friendly chatter and occasional questions about Sasuke’s journey kept him from overthinking his forthcoming encounter with Naruto. He had already played all the possible scenarios in his head, and there was nothing more he could do.

\---

“I still can’t believe how they treat you like that. You helped to win the war as much as anyone here. You were freed from all charges by the Hokage _himself_. And you have helped Konoha ever since. They don’t need to protect him from you and they know it. They know it!” The ANBU hadn’t wanted to let Sasuke in, not even with Sakura, until she had threaded to smash their heads if they wouldn’t.

“They just need a little more time to get over the fact that I don’t attack Kages anymore”, Sasuke shrugged. He had prepared himself for this kind of treatment, and to be honest, he felt like he deserved every bit of it. In their shoes he wouldn’t have trusted himself either.

Sakura let out frustrated hiss and punched the wall nearby, leaving it with cracking hole. Sakura was clearly more pissed off than Sasuke. Sasuke smirked. He really liked Sakura now that she wasn’t all fan-girly anymore.

Sasuke felt almost nostalgic as they walked to the office room. He hadn’t been here since... Since original team seven’s last mission assignment, before Chuunin exams and all the fuss that followed. He couldn’t recall that mission exactly, but he remembered how exited Naruto had been, jumping around all fidgety and eager to get going.

He remembered looking at him amused, almost fondly.

"Sasuke, what a surprise to see you here", Kakashi greeted him as he stepped in his office behind Sakura. He was sitting behind his desk in his formal Hokage uniform, looking everything but surprised. 

"Hn", Sasuke muttered, not bothered to say anything to his former sensei. He still looked like imposter to Sasuke. The fact that he had been only suitable person for his position said much about the current state of this village.

“Naruto didn’t mention you were coming.”

“That’s because he didn’t know”, Sasuke stated.

"Interesting..." Kakashi muttered, leaning back in his chair and lifting his feet to the table full of paperwork. Sasuke didn’t like the sly look on his face. "Then, what brings you here, Sasuke?" 

Sasuke had been prepared for this. He had spent the last year gathering information threads concerning various Kekkei Genkais that had caused trouble. He could have sent his report via his hawk, but it wasn't too surprising that he had decided to bring it personally. It included pieces of delicate information, after all. Perfect cover for the true reason of his visit. He handed the file to Kakashi.

“You could’ve just send this”, Kakashi said as he skimmed the papers roughly.

“Didn’t want to”, Sasuke said and shrugged. “Too risky.”

“I thought you being here so soon after your crimes is risky”, Kakashi said smirking. “But you know what’s best for you, I suppose. What risks to take and what not.” He was clearly smiling like crazy under his mask.

 _Kakashi knows_ _._ Sasuke realised. It wasn’t surprising, considering he had been so much with him and Naruto back then, and even after the war. But it was... humiliating. To think that he must have known it before Sasuke himself.

“Yes, I _do_ know”, Sasuke said to him, narrowing his eyes. He wouldn’t back off.

Kakashi only smiled to him more, whit that falsely happy face of his. He hadn’t told him to leave. Sasuke didn't care about his former sensei's opinion, but the fact that he wasn't trying to stop him this time reassured him somewhat. He was doing the right thing. For once. 

\---

“Do you have some grudge against Kakashi-sensei again? I thought you guys sorted it out before you left”, Sakura asked as they were outside of the building again. Sasuke had offered to accompany her to the hospital, and they were walking side by side now.

“It’s none of your business”, Sasuke responded automatically. Then he remembered they were friends now and added: “He just deliberately tries to irritate me, nothing new from him.”

“Yeah, he does that, doesn’t he? Even now when he is Hokage”, Sakura sighed. “So, this is me”, she said. They had arrived at the hospital, and Sasuke had to admit that the new extension wing was quite impressive in size-wise. “I’m sorry I can’t keep you company longer than this, but you know how it is at work...”

Sasuke shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m used to being alone.” It hadn’t meant to sound as depressing as it did.

“I know, Sasuke-kun”, Sakura said, and flashed him a faint smile. “But Naruto will be here tomorrow, and maybe I can manage to arrange some free time in my schedule too. We could hang out like old times.”

“Hm, maybe”, Sasuke granted. He didn’t like Sakura’s custodial tone a bit. But he knew she met well.

“Oh, Sasuke-kun, don’t be so cranky! You’ll like it,” Sakura said, with more genuine smile, before she left.

\---

It was well past the midnight, but Sasuke couldn’t sleep. He had tried it for a quite while in his new apartment, but it seemed like sleep still avoided him. It wasn’t a surprise to him.

Day hadn’t been particularly wearing. He had spent most of it at the Konoha library, studying maps and other things he considered useful for his coming journeys. But he had found himself too restless to concentrate like he would’ve wanted to.

He had left the apartment that Sakura had insisted to call his _home_ and was now just wandering around changed and yet so familiar streets of Konoha. Everything was quiet, but he knew he wasn’t alone. There were others that, like him, couldn’t sleep either.

When the first beams of the morning sun started to colour the sky, he finally felt Naruto’s chakra. It was still far, but approaching the village fast. Taking his time Sasuke started to walk towards it. To him, it felt like there would have been two suns rising, so warm and bright was Naruto’s approaching presence.

Every step he took closer made him want to run. To him, and away of him–like always.

His heart skipped few beats, when he finally saw Naruto. His blond hair reflected orange from the rising sun, as it would have been on fire. His blue eyes glittered just like Sasuke remembered they would. He had gotten slightly taller, he noticed, and a bit more muscular.

It had been so long, way too long. 

Images of Naruto in rather different kind of situations flashed in Sasuke’s eyes. His tanned skin shiny from sweat, his lust-filled eyes only slightly open, as he touched Sasuke. His strong but gentle arms around him, his lips so soft and passionate...

He blinked those images away. It hadn’t been Naruto.

"Sa-Sasuke?" Naruto stuttered as their eyes met. His mouth was wide open in surprise, even though Naruto should have sensed his chakra long ago if he would have been paying any attention. It pained Sasuke how recklessly Naruto always neglected his safety like that.

"Is that really the way you are going to welcome a friend you haven't seen in months?" Sasuke asked, arching his brow. He was playing safe with the word _friend._ He had always hated when Naruto called him that, even if it had took some time to understand why. But it was how Naruto had seen him.

 _Might still see_ _,_ he reminded himself. At this point, nothing was sure.

"...seen in months..." Naruto trailed, looking confused. Half a dozen emotions flickered on his expressive face faster than Sasuke could interpret them. He tried to reach Naruto's mind, but, unexpectedly, hit a wall.

"You have been practicing with Ino?" he asked surprised. 

It would have been wrong to say Naruto's face was now expressionless. It was rather so focused that only his high concentration was shown. Mental blocks were laborious to maintain at their best, and Naruto's lack of finer chakra control made it even harder. Sasuke was almost impressed.

"Uh, yeah... Cool, huh? They said I can't be so open book when I'm Hokage, so..."

“Wanted to impress?” Sasuke asked.

“Hm? Yeah, that’s why...” Faint blush climbed to his whiskered cheeks. He was all fidgety, fiddling straps of his backpack nervously.

Under his nonchalant appearance, Sasuke’s heart started to beat faster. He could think only one reason for Naruto’s restlessness.

_He has realised._

Every cell in Sasuke’s body screamed him to run away, and _fast_ , but he stood still. He had prepared himself for this. He was ready.

The old Sasuke would’ve run in a heartbeat and never look back. The old Sasuke would’ve never let him be this vulnerable and weak. But the old Sasuke had also hurt Naruto, both physically and mentally, and he wasn't that kind of person anymore. He didn't want to be.

He looked at Naruto’s bandaged hand. That was the only detail he never included to his Genjutsu-versions of the man. He didn’t want to be reminded of the fact that he had almost killed him. Absence of his own hand was a strong enough reminder on its own.

“I-I think I should go”, Naruto said suddenly. It took Sasuke off guard, and shook him from his thoughts. He studied Naruto’s eyes.

“You _do_ look tired”, he then admitted. “Get some sleep.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that. See ya!” And he turned his back to Sasuke and jump away to the roofs.

“See ya...” Sasuke muttered, watching Naruto’s golden hair as it receded from him. He wasn’t sure how to interpret their meeting. It had been... odd, to say at least. But Naruto had seemed truly tired, so it would be better to let any serious discussion for tomorrow.

\---

The next day he was heading Kakashi’s office again. He had heard that Naruto would be there. This time guards let him through without a word. Suppose Kakashi had lectured them from yesterday’s incident.

As he approached, he heard Naruto’s loud voice coming from the office, and it was like nothing had changed from their childhood. Warm feeling spread to his chest.

“...just saying I could do it my eyes closed. It would be so much faster if you could just send me instead.”

“Naruto, you just came back from your _off-weekend_. You have to catch up your studying schedule or you’ll never become Hokage.” Sasuke recognized Shikamaru’s voice. Naruto had written to him that the Nara guy was his future advisor and current study coach. It sounded more like babysitting to Sasuke.

He knocked the door, but didn’t wait the answer before walked in. Kakashi, Shikamaru and Naruto had all gathered around Hokage’s desk. There was a massive pile of mission assignments that Kakashi was apparently in the middle of going through. Three pair of eyes turned to him as his presence was noticed.

“Here again, Sasuke? Did you forget something yesterday?” Kakashi asked with mock confusion. Sasuke didn’t even look at him. He was too focused on Naruto.

Like earlier, myriad of emotions flashed in Naruto’s face at once, before were covered with concentration of a mental block. Sasuke frowned. Was he trying to hide something from him?

“Naruto–”, he started, without knowing how to continue. He didn’t want to just say something lame like ‘we need to talk’ or whatever. Not in front of Shikamaru and smirking Kakashi.

“Hi, Sasuke”, Naruto said, not looking at him but papers at the desk.

“Do you have something to say? We’re kind of busy here...” Shikamaru sighed, tired look in his face.

“He can stay”, Kakashi said immediately, winking his scarred eye. “He must have missed Naruto while he was away.” Oh, how Sasuke hated this.

"Whatever”, Shikamaru sighed again. “Can you at least say to this knucklehead that he needs to study if he wants to be Hokage any time soon? Maybe he’ll listen to you." 

Sasuke looked at Naruto. Like that idiot would ever listen to him at anything.

As far as Sasuke knew, Naruto hadn't ever been into theoretical studies. He preferred his hands in approach. But he must’ve known that Hokage's job was mostly paper work and political theories. 

“You know Shikamaru is right”, he said still.

"I know, I know! Don't patronize me!” Naruto snapped, brows furrowed in deep concentration. “ I'll study, I just... Ah, whatever." Naruto's restless gaze wandered through the room, from papers to floor to ceiling to his fidgeting hands, anywhere but Sasuke. 

It felt weir. Naruto had always been a firm believer of direct eye contact. 

“Naruto, I think we should–“, Sasuke started, but Naruto interrupted him.

"If this is all sorted out, I'v gotta go. There’s this, this–um, this thing I have to do. Yeah. So, see ya, Shika and–um... Sasuke..." 

And with that, Naruto stumbled out of the door, almost slamming it closed behind him.

"Okay, what was that about?" Shikamaru asked raising a brow to Sasuke.

"I honestly have no idea", Sasuke muttered. Of all the reactions he had prepared himself for, this wasn't one of them. 

\---

"Sakura, why did Naruto and Hinata break up?" They sat at the bench near the hospital. Sakura was keeping him company during her lunch hour, even though Sasuke hadn’t asked for it. But while Naruto was avoiding him, he had nothing better to do.

"Oh, you don't know? Well, Naruto isn't much of a writer isn't he?"

Sasuke didn’t think that Sakura’s statement needed any answering. Naruto's letters were always hard to read at their best, but it seemed like the man couldn't stay on the topic when he had something actually important to say. He babbled about random people and random things that really didn't connect in any way, or have anything to do with the situation at hand. 

"It was obviously doomed from the start, to be honest”, Sakura started. “I blame myself for encouraging Hinata little too much, but well... As you know I saw relationships differently at the time."

And there it was, Sakura's all too familiar blush. Sasuke chuckled lightly.

"So anyway, it was doomed. I mean, have you ever seen a couple so out of balance? Hinata worshipped the ground under Naruto's feet, when Naruto had barely noticed her as a friend. That kind of dynamic just doesn't work in a long run. Not to mention their totally different personalities, their backgrounds and goals. I mean, Naruto had been Hinata's _only_ goal since forever. They had nothing more in common. And Naruto’s personality is just so _big_ compared to Hinata’s nonexistent one. Don’t ever tell anyone I said that! But you need two equally strong person in a relationship, or it becomes boring at some point.”

It was clear that Sakura had been holding that burst back since the break up. Didn’t Sakura have anyone to gossip with here? Sasuke tried to recall Sakura’s friend, but the only one that came to his mind was Naruto.

“Suppose you are right about their imbalance”, Sasuke frowned after a while. He had never thought about it like that. He’d only assumed they were perfect together based on the determination he’d seen in Hinata's eyes when she had looked at Naruto. That determination had really scared him, even if he wouldn't ever admit it to anyone. 

“Damn sure I’m right!” Sakura exclaimed. “I’m just glad Naruto had it in him to put an end to it. Hinata had basically started to plan their wedding already, can you believe?!"

Sasuke could. He had seen much more personality in Hinata than Sakura gave her credit. But some points that Sakura had made sounded... reasonable enough. He still wanted to hear Naruto’s version though.

“So, have you seen Naruto today?” Sakura asked.

“Yes, briefly. But he had something important to do I suppose”, Sasuke said. “Has he been acting weird lately?”

“Not more than usually. To be said, he was kind of restless after Hinata, but it seems like he’d gotten over it. Why do you ask?”

“No reason, just wondered”, Sasuke said dismissively. He didn’t want to worry himself too much yet. Naruto just needed a little time. He could give him that.

\---

It had been almost a week. The most horrible five days of Sasuke’s post-war life. Being locked up in a prison had been like dancing on roses compared to this. At least Naruto had visited him there. He didn't know why Naruto acted like he did now.

He had seen him two more times, but always with others around. Three of them had been hanging out like Sakura had suggested, but it had been weird. Sakura had done almost all the talking, while Naruto been too concentrated to his mental blocking. Sasuke had mostly just stared at him when he wasn’t looking.

The next time they had sparred. Or rather, tried to spar. It had been Sakura’s idea, and for some reason Shikamaru had wanted to come watch too.

They had agreed to use Taijutsu only, for the sake of the village around them. At their level, Konoha’s training grounds were way too small for anything else. They could have easily destroyed the whole village. Not that it would have been any issue for Sasuke.

It had started pretty normally, with some basic kicks from both sides. But then Sasuke had started to notice, that almost all Naruto’s attacks were fake, with no real intention to actually hit. It was like he was trying to keep himself as far from Sasuke as he could. Every time they got close, Naruto would flinch away.

While fighting, Naruto couldn’t maintain his mental block. But even if Sasuke tried, Naruto’s emotions were too garbled and all over the place for him to interpret any of them properly. There was confusion, frustrations, anxiety, anger, humiliation even, and so much more in depths of his friends mind.

And each time their bodies came to contact, he felt burning flash run through both of them.

It must have been as awkward to watch as it had felt, because Shikamaru and Sakura had basically begged them to stop. 

After that, Naruto had left on a mission without saying a word to Sasuke. 

It was clear that he was avoiding him. 

So Sasuke had ended up spending plenty of time with Sakura instead. He knew that she probably skipped sleeping and eating more often than she should to be with him, but he could only be thankful for that. Being alone wasn't something he handled well now, which was alarming enough already.

His studies that he had really been looking for were pointless, because he couldn't concentrate. Walls at his small apartment were falling over him and he couldn't breathe. He hadn't slept more than five hours in last three days, and he knew every street of Konoha like he had as a child, so much time he had spent just aimlessly wandering around. 

Naruto was driving him crazy. Something between them had certainly changed, but if it wasn’t what Sasuke had thought it was, he had no clue. Unless... Sasuke's heart sunk.

Unless Naruto _had_ recognized his feelings, but didn't _want_ them.

Didn't want... him? 

Why hadn’t he thought of it sooner? It was the only logical explanation.

It felt like the world would have started to crumble underneath him. He had to sit down, because his feet had suddenly become utterly useless in their job of holding him up. Sasuke buried his face to his hands and breathed in. Breathed out. In again. And out.

He was so fucking weak. But it had always been like this with Naruto. No matter how strong he was, how composed, Naruto had always made him feel weak and vulnerable. He had hated him for that so long. 

He knew that he had no right to react this strongly. This had always been a possibility, although one that he hadn’t really thought about. He had seen Naruto’s feelings so clearly in him, that he had just assumed the blond would act upon them. But he clearly didn’t want to.

It was Naruto's decision, and besides Sasuke hadn't wanted those feelings either at first. He had run away countless of times, and now he could see what it must have felt to Naruto.

It hurt like hell.

He drew in shuddering breaths, and slowly gathered himself up. His head hurt, his chest hurt and he felt like someone was strangling him, so hard it was for him to breathe. But he wasn’t going to die. He had felt worse, hadn’t he? As it was, there was no reason for him to stick around anymore.

He wasn't going to force Naruto to talk to him. If he wanted to leave things like this, then fine. Whatever. Sasuke didn't want to care. He would leave like Naruto clearly wanted. 

It wasn’t like he would miss this shitty village anyway. He still remembered all the reasons he had left it first place. Ghosts of the past haunting behind every corner. Villagers judging eyes on him. Their oh, so polite manners in front of him, and whispers behind his back. The council that knew damn well that Sasuke had every reason to want all of them dead.

This wasn't a home, this was torture in form of a village. 

\---TBC---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke and Naruto are just so bad at talking about feelings, am I right? Sasuke at least tried to be reasonable and give Naruto some space, but well... 
> 
> Next chapter: Naruto's POV
> 
> Constructive criticism is welcomed!


	4. The Way I Feel About You

**4\. The Way I Feel About You**

Naruto bit inside of his cheek as he watched Sasuke's dark figure disappearing. He hadn’t even said goodbye to him. He couldn’t handle being close to Sasuke right now, but it did nothing to the fact that it felt horribly wrong to let him walk away. It always felt like part of him was leaving with him. It had been hard at the first time, and somehow it was even harder now. He felt his chest burning. What if this was finally the time he wouldn’t come back?

The bare idea brought a lump in his throat.

"Now, Naruto, tell me what the hell is wrong with you? You have been acting like a madman, more than usual, that is." Sakura stand next to him hands crossed over her chest. She had said her farewells to Sasuke, where as Naruto had come only after Sasuke had walked far enough not to see him.

“Eh, Sakura-chan? Nothing’s wrong, really”, he said swallowing and scratching back of his head nervously. He had _tried_ to act like normal, but Sakura had obviously seen right through him. It wasn’t a surprise, since he wasn’t exactly the best at covering his emotions.

"You know you hurt him, right?" Accusation in Sakura's voice was loud and clear.

"I did not-" Naruto started, but who was he going to fool? He knew damn well Sakura was right. Sasuke had come back to the place he hated the most in the world, just to find his only friend avoiding him. It must’ve hurt and Naruto knew it. He had _seen_ it in Sasuke’s eyes. Hurt and confusion.

He looked at Sakura. _She_ had been with Sasuke as much as she could the whole week. They were friends now, and it reassured Naruto a little.

"He had you the whole time, he'll be fine", he said, hoping that Sakura would drop the subject. He wasn’t exactly in a mood for talking about it just now. He felt guilty enough already.

"It's not the same and you know it", Sakura said. Her lips were a thin line and brows frown. "You've always been special to him."

Heat flared up Naruto's neck and cheeks in a matter of seconds. One particularly _special_ moment replayed itself in Naruto's mind for the umpteenth time in this week. Elegant curves of the pale body underneath him, it’s fine contours and hard muscles... He pinched his eyes closed and tried to get rid of the uninvited imaginary, only partially succeeding. 

It had been happening all week. Whenever he thought about Sasuke, whenever he felt his chakra near, and whenever when he saw the man, he felt everything he had felt that night at the brothel. All those intense emotions that he couldn’t feel.

When he opened his eyes Sakura was watching him curious look on her face. Her minty eyes were glaring at Naruto like she was trying to read every forbidden image he had in his mind. He turned his eyes away as quickly as possible. Better be safe than sorry. 

"Sort this out soon, or I'll make you do it", she said finally, staring to walk back to the hospital's direction. Her morning shift was just about to begin. "I'm not going to let my best friends to break up like this."

"Yeah, I'll- What?! Sakura?" What the heck she was talking about brake-ups?! But the girl was already out of the hearing distance.

_What the actual fuck am I going to do now?_

It had been the question of the week for Naruto. He had thought about it so much at his way back to Konoha from the brothel, that he hadn’t noticed Sasuke’s chakra until he was face to face with him. And after that... the whole week had been just a big fucking mess.

The moment he had seen him standing at the street, raven hair shining in the first beams of the rising sun, his posture so lean and powerful, looking at him with his intense mismatching eyes that could so easily see straight to his soul, Naruto had felt his stomach twitch and heart pick a new speed. 

He didn’t know if Sasuke had recognised him at the brothel or not. He didn’t know why Sasuke had called out his name there if he hadn’t. He didn’t know why he had been there if he had recognised him. He didn’t know why Sasuke had said that they hadn’t seen in moths. And now that Sasuke had left again, there was no way Naruto could find out.

And he didn’t know how he felt about any of it.

Shaking his head he started to walk towards Konoha library where he was supposed to meet Shikamaru. He couldn’t have done anything differently, and now was too late for any regrets anyway. He sighed. Village around him felt empty without Sasuke’s distinct chakra signature in it.

\---

Naruto lifted his head up from the book he was supposed to be reading. His thoughts didn't let him alone. _Sasuke_ didn’t let him alone. Sasuke's hand tugging his hair, their lips moving together so perfectly, their bodies burning with need... He almost groaned in frustration. It was impossible to study like this.

He had never thought about Sasuke that way before. He had always been first and foremost his best friend whom he cared deeply for. But now that he had, he couldn't get rid of the thought.

With Hinata, taking that leap from friendship to romantic and intimate relationship had taken time. He’d had to adjust his mind to think about her differently, and it hadn’t been that easy. Naruto knew he drew kind of strict lines between his friends and potential lovers, but only because he valued every friendship he had managed to build too much to expose it to the possibility of heartbreak. He didn’t want to lose anyone.

But with Sasuke, that leap from friends to lovers had happened almost automatically. His brain had just shut down and let his body to handle all the decisions. It had been so... natural. And it scared the heck out of Naruto. Because no matter what either of them was feeling about the situation, he absolutely could not lose Sasuke. _Never._

“Oi, Naruto! You listening?” Shikamaru’s voice pulled Naruto back to the present.

“Y-Yeah, but... Can you say it again?” Naruto felt embarrassed. He had totally been daydreaming about Sasuke, while poor Shika had tried his best to make him study.

“I said, that if you really can’t concentrate at all, there is no point for us sitting here”, Shikamaru said, closing the book he had been reading. It was a history book, and Naruto remembered that they had been studying Sunagakure’s past alliances as part of political history of the area. It had been very complex and awfully boring.

“Sorry, Shika, my minds just keeps wandering”, Naruto sighed.

“So it seems”, Shikamaru said, now looking at Naruto. “Even your clones can’t seem to focus.” And as Naruto dispelled his two clones that he had ordered to study as well, he noticed it was true. All of him had been thinking about Sasuke.

“Is it your ‘work’ or Sasuke?” Shikamaru asked. Panic in Naruto’s eyes must have shown, because he sighed and added: “No need to tell, really.”

They sat in a silence for a while. Naruto didn’t know what to say. Shikamaru had matured well beyond his years during the war, and sometimes Naruto felt like he himself was years younger than his friend. Lazy and carefree Shika was there no more. It had been replaced by this patient and observant head of Nara clan that Naruto could rely on any situation.

“It’s rare that you try to hide things from Sasuke”, Shikamaru said finally. “It’ll bug you till you sort it out.”

“I know”, Naruto said, not a bit surprised that Shikamaru had picked up so fast what was essentially bothering him. “It’s just kind of complicated at the moment.”

Everyone knew that normally Sasuke could read him like an open book. He wasn’t exactly hard-to-read guy to begin with, so when their bond was added to the picture, keeping secrets from Sasuke had become almost impossible. And in any other circumstances he didn’t mind that. He didn't want to hide anything, at least not from Sasuke. They had both experienced enough lies in their lives already.

However, their current situation was so far from normal, that Naruto hadn’t had any problem to justify his actions to himself. He had panicked. It had been an instinct. To protect. Himself or Sasuke, he didn’t know.

“Very few things are complicated at the end, if you don’t make them that way”, Shikamaru said carefully.

“Oh, trust me, this one is”, Naruto said, certainty in his voice. He wanted to tell Shikamaru the whole story, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t only his secret to keep, after all, it was Sasuke’s too.

“You still need to get over it”, Shikamaru said, after it was clear that Naruto wasn’t going to tell anything. “You can’t study, and your last mission almost failed due your lack of concentration.”

“Hey, it _didn’t_ fail, I totally pull it trough!” Naruto protested. It had been a close call, but he had learned his lesson: he didn’t ignore chakra observation anymore.

“Barely”, Shikamaru snorted. “But I’m not gonna waste my time with your studies before you’ve had at least some of your concentration skills back.”

“So, does this mean more free-time for me?” Naruto asked cheering up a little. He could use some time to think, really. Even if it didn’t get him anywhere...

“No. You’ll shadow Kakashi instead this week”, Shikamaru said, shattering Naruto’s plans. “And with Sasuke... I can’t advice you to go after him, it didn’t end that well last time around....” He smirked a little and Naruto felt his face catch fire. Somehow thinking about all that made him feel embarrassed. “But you should write to him or something”, Shikamaru ended and stood up.

“Maybe...” Naruto agreed. It sounded like a plan. Not a good one tough. But it was all he had right now.

\---

When Naruto finally cot back to his apartment that night, he felt exhausted. Kakashi’s day had been long, filled with meetings with different people in different places and endless, _endless_ paperwork. And while Naruto had thought about Sasuke time to time, he had mostly been too busy to worry, which had been good. He had needed that brake.

But now that he was alone in his silent bedroom, that looked almost identical to his old one, thoughts about Sasuke filled his tired mind again. He felt heat starting to coil between in his groins. It was ridiculous how easily his body reacted. At least some part of him knew exactly what it wanted. Naruto just hoped that his mind would know too. He grabbed his orange towel and walked straight to the shower. Cold water would wash away his conflicted feelings.

Naruto would have lied if he would’ve say that he had never considered Sasuke desirable. After all, he had always valued appearance of male body as much as female ones. And by all standards, Sasuke was phenomenally well-built and as beautiful as man could get. He had that built-in charisma that most could only dream of. Of course it was rather _dark_ charisma, but it really made him only more appealing.

Naruto shivered, and not because of the cold water. Was it even cold? He felt still like burning.

Their physical compatibility had been obvious since they were only kids. It was the reason why they always worked so well together despite rarely training for that in mind. And while they worked well with Sakura too, it wasn’t the same. It had always seemed strange to Naruto. Their bodies knew so well what other wanted, weather is was to give back-up or launce a super cool combo attack, that they rarely had to plan anything beforehand.

It really shouldn’t have surprised Naruto that it applied to sex too.

And oh my fucking god was it possible to run out of cold water? Because this lukewarm shit didn’t do anything it was supposed to do to his body. He felt still every bit as aroused as before.

Naruto sighed and turned water warmer. Reluctantly he let his hand slide down. He had been restricting himself from this whole week, but it had become harder and _harder_ every passing day. He didn't want to do this, not his best friend's image on his mind, but his self control had its limits. He had to support his other arm against the cold tiles of the shower wall, as he finally let Sasuke fill his mind without constraints, like he had wanted to do all week. 

The soft feel of Sasuke’s pale skin under Naruto’s fingers. And the lethal power of his muscles. Naruto slide his hand along his erection, light touch making it fully hard in a matter of seconds. He loved the power that radiated from Sasuke, loved how it matched to his own.

He remembered Sasuke’s dark gaze, so full of desperate lust. He had never seen him like that before, looking so raw and sexy. He crabbed his shaft and started to pump, hesitantly at first, but speeding up as memories of that night with Sasuke spiralled through his head.

 _“I want you to fuck me.”_ Sasuke’s words. They made Naruto’s head dizzy. His flustered face. His lips and tongue and teeth devouring him. Sasuke’s taste in his mouth. His hand in Naruto’s back and neck and hair, wanting more, _demanding_ more of him. Naruto felt he was close, his balls tightened, and he wanted nothing more than Sasuke to be there with him, touching him, moving his perfect hips in sync with Naruto’s thrusts... To hear his moans, to feel his desire...

“Ah... fuck!” Naruto panted as he came all over his hand and tile wall of the shower.

\---

He stepped out of the shower and wrapped himself in his towel. Although his body had gained its satisfaction for a moment, his mind was still wandering. 

If the physical attraction would have been all that Naruto felt for Sasuke, he could’ve been able to brush it aside within few weeks, with help of some new sex-partners.

But there had been more. It wasn't the sex itself that he missed and wanted. It was Sasuke. The way their bond had manifested itself as their bodies were pressed together, the way their emotions had intertwined... It had been something truly unique. Something that Naruto just knew he would long for the rest of his life.

And he didn’t know what to think about that. Without bothering to dry himself properly, he tossed his towel to the chair and throw himself to his bed.

Naruto had met the elders today with Kakashi, and it had made him think about the time right after the war, when Sasuke was imprisoned. He had almost managed to forget it altogether, to press it back of his mind, because it was easier to live in Konoha and not to hate it, when he didn’t think about those things it had done wrong (and still did, even under Kakashi). But when he had sat next to Kakashi in a meeting and heard how they talked about prisoners they still held after the war, it had all come back to him.

How they had forced Sasuke out of his hospital-bed, even though he was still recovering from their battle. How they had dragged him to the prison and tied him up, not only his hands and legs but his eyes and mouth as well, sealing almost all of his chakra flow. How they had left him there with nothing. For months.

 _They_ were faceless people. Naruto didn’t want to blame any individual who was just following orders. But he blamed those who had given the orders first place: the elders. Kakashi had tried to reason, but with no luck. They just didn’t trust Sasuke. They feared him and hated him. And Naruto had been so _angry_. Because it was their fault in the first place that Sasuke had become what he had.

But Naruto had sat quietly through the meeting. He knew that Kakashi was almost as angry as he was, but there was nothing they could do. Despite how badly Naruto wanted, you couldn’t just fire elders. It was a lifelong position. And Naruto thought it was just stupid. All he could do was to hope they would die from old age soon. And that it would be painful.

He sighed and closed his eyes. He had been only angry earlier, thinking how Konoha had treated Sasuke. But now he could remember other things too. How Sasuke’s imprisonment had been for him.

As soon as he had healed enough to get u from the hospital bed, he had started to visit Sasuke daily. Guards treated him like a hero, so they let him in Sasuke’s cell and allowed them to have some privacy. Naruto had mostly just talked and Sasuke had listened sitting beside him. He talked about things he had done while Sasuke had been away. Little, harmless things that wouldn’t bring up any unpleasant memories to either of them. What he had done with Jiraya in their journey, places he had seen and foods he had tasted. Stuff like that. Sasuke had been silent, even after Naruto had been able to remove his sealed gag, but he had felt Sasuke’s turbulent emotions calm down as he spoke.

Sometimes he had spent the night with him in the cell.

He hadn’t really thought anything about it back then. He just had wanted to be near Sasuke, and he had felted Sasuke wanted that too. Naruto had his own war-traumas, and as contradictory as it was, Sasuke’s presence grounded him better than anything else. Sasuke didn’t expect anything from him, didn’t look up to him. He just let Naruto be.

So when everything started to feel like too much once again, when his anger and sorrow and depression and frustration overpowered him, he pressed his body against Sasuke’s as they lay side by side in his narrow bunk, and Sasuke wrapped his arm around him in a tight but gentle hug.

And when Sasuke woke up in the middle of the night, shaken, covered in cold sweat and gasping for breath, Naruto draw him closer and stroke his raven hair until his breathing became steady again and his body stopped shivering. 

They never talked about those nights.

But now that Naruto thought about it, those nights had felt better than almost anything in his life. They had felt _right_ in ways he couldn’t describe. His heart had ached every time he had been forced to leave him alone in his cell, and a warm feeling had filled his chest as soon as he saw him again.

Naruto groaned in frustration. Had it always been like this? That whatever he was feeling towards Sasuke had been there all along? Could he have been so oblivious that he hadn't just noticed it before? Then he remembered how long it had taken for him to realise Hinata's feelings. And he groaned again. 

Wanting Sasuke by his side had been constant state of his mind for so many years, that maybe he had just gotten used to it to the point where he no longer questioned his reasons behind it. He had just wanted his friend back. Longing for Sasuke had been a solid part of who he was, part of his very essence, most of his teenage years. 

Every time someone had asked why he was willing to go to such lengths for him, he had just said that Sasuke was his friend. That everything he did for him was simply because of that. And he was a ninja who stood behind his words. But maybe, just _maybe_ , time sometimes made those words change. Or maybe other words were added.

 _I want him. And_ not _as a friend only._

Naruto turned to his stomach and buried his face to the pillows. What was the point of knowing his feelings, if he didn't know how Sasuke felt? Did Sasuke want more? The name that he had called out in his moment of climax had been Naruto’s. Implications of that were something that he hadn't let himself to think further. But it had been, without a doubt _his_ name. And it said something. 

But what? 

Despite his best efforts, he couldn't think any reason that wouldn't include some serious risks. This could ruin their friendship so easily, if it hadn't already. He had already hurt Sasuke because of this. 

Everything was just a mess. What he felt, what he wanted, what he knew and didn't knew. What he could do. What was Sasuke thinking. It all was just a giant mess in his head. And he was so scared of losing Sasuke that he couldn’t act. 

Naruto was too tired to think anymore. Maybe he could write to Sasuke tomorrow like Shika had suggested. He rolled to his side and curled up with the blanket. Maybe he would write...

Just moment before he drifted into sleep, he wondered if Sasuke was thinking about him at all. He really hoped that he was. 

\---TBC---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos! I'm happy that so many of you are liking this story so far.  
> Please let me know if you liked this chapter or if you have some constructive criticism for me, I'm eager to improve my writing and style and plotting and everything I can as I keep writing this.
> 
> Next chapter will feature Naruto's letter to Sasuke!


	5. Control Over Emotion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all about Sasuke handling his emotions and trying to cope. Quite angsty. And there is surprising encounter that I really don't know what to think of. It just kinda happened. Oops.
> 
> Anyway, hope you like it!

**5\. Control over Emotion**

"I'm sorry, but he isn't here today”, woman behind the desk said.

"So when is he?" Sasuke found himself asking before he could stop himself. 

"I don't know exactly, he works only few days a month. But if you leave your contract information, we can sent you a note when we know", she offered with a voice sweet as honey. Sasuke frowned. 

"That won't be necessary." 

"Well, we do have other, quite talented workers here today. We could see if you like any of them", woman tried. It was clear she didn't want to lose a customer. But Sasuke wasn't interested. He didn't even know exactly why he had come here the first place. He had just wanted to get away from Konoha as quickly as possible, and somehow he had found himself here. Even if he had sworn to himself never come back after the embarrassment of his last visit.

How foolish of him. 

Without saying another word to the woman at the desk, he turned away and exited the brothel. It was better this way. He would have only regretted later. He already had enough regrets. 

He wouldn’t do it ever again.

It was still early evening and the village around Sasuke was busy and lively as he walked down the streets. Setting sun painted buildings with warm colours and made shadows long. Children run around chasing each others, smiling and laughing. Adults were heading home from their works, content with themselves and their little lives. It was all so calm. It felt surreal. Occasionally people would gave him a curious looks, but he knew it was only due to his all black travel clothes that stood out amongst earthly colours of the villagers garments, nothing more.

This wasn't a ninja village, so it was safe to assume that nobody knew who he was. That he was the infamous Uchiha Sasuke. Avenger, killer, traitor, former rogue nin... To them, he was just a strange looking traveller. He could have easily stayed the night here at some guesthouse, but since this village was just barely outside of the Fire Country he was still too close to Konoha. Too close to Naruto...

So he kept walking. 

As he walked, streets gradually grew emptier. He watched how lights were lit behind the windows as families gathered together for their dinners. Wind carried delicious scents of today’s meals mixed with smoke from the chimneys. Sasuke could imagine all the mundane chatter around the tables, warm fireplaces, laughter and cosy atmosphere that was so normal to so many, but totally foreign for him. Uchiha household had always been far too formal for anything cosy. And after that, he had dined alone for years. Exception being his time with– But he didn’t care.

Solitude was what he deserved. After everything he had done, Sasuke thought it was only fair. He had run away, abandoned his comrades, his friends, his... Naruto, and refused to acknowledge their desperate attempts to get him back. Declined Naruto’s pleas, pain in his heart, tears in his eyes...

Because he had _decided_ to be alone. Hence it was only fair that he would be alone now, even if he had turned around at the end. It had been too late.

How stupidly selfish he had been thinking Naruto would ever want him after that. What reason he had for such an absurd delusion? Sasuke knew he had caused nothing but pain and trouble to him over the years, and now that Naruto was the hero he had always wanted to be, he could have anyone. Why on earth he had thought that he would choose Sasuke?

Sasuke knew that he wasn’t supposed to suffocate his emotions anymore. He was past that, and his rational side knew that he’d just have to go through this all, to _feel_ this all before he could be okay again. But what was the point? What for he did any of this? He had been rejected, his feelings had been rejected, so what was the point of having them anymore? He’d done just fine burying them before.

But he hadn’t. He had lost control. He had gone mad. And he couldn’t afford to lose control like that ever again. But still! It would have been so much easier just to let that familiar, all consuming hate wash away his pain and take over his thoughts.

He kept walking, in his all black travel clothes and his all black thoughts, until he was out of the village. There he stopped and looked around. Forested mountains were all he could see, the road in front of him disappearing in the green scenery. He still hadn’t been given any specific mission, so there was nowhere he needed to go. Probably he wasn't redeemed enough for the council to be treated as an actual shinobi of Konoha. Not that he would have wanted that. It was better to have more freedom like this. To be able to choose one’s own destination.

But it was hard to decide when, for the first time in his life, he had no goal.

Last time he left Konoha, he had only wanted some time and peace to understand his feelings. To understand the world around him. He had spent his days wandering aimlessly, only gathering intel for the village when he incidentally encountered something. His main goal had been internal.

But now he had nothing.

On a whim, he decided to head Sound. Maybe it was a habit of him to run there from Konoha. To go there and forget everything, just for a little while. He didn't want to think about reasons. He didn't want to think at all. Past two years had been nothing but thinking, and it had brought him only more suffering. He had been stupid and delusional, full of false hope. And for that he was still angry, he still hated.

He still hurt.

So what was the point of thinking? While he was tempted by the hatred, he knew he couldn't even go back to that. He wasn’t that person anymore. All the thinking _had_ changed him. So there was nothing he could do but feel and keep himself in control.

Even though he was alone in the roadside, he could feel the power of Susanoo peaking under his chakra, ready to wrap its protective skeleton around him. He brushed it off. He didn't need protection. He was fine.

_I will be fine..._

\---

Night had fallen around him, again. It was the fourth night without any actual sleep, and Sasuke was exhausted.

 _"You have experienced multiple severely traumatic events recently, and you also have untreated trauma from childhood. It is not a surprise that you can't sleep",_ Ino had said when he had been forced to her useless therapy sessions before his release. She had told him that there was a medication she could give him, but because of his Sharingan and Rinnegan made his brain structure different from normal people, there was no guarantee if it would work.

He had refused.

But now he wished he would have taken the pills anyway, because any number of side effects would have been better than what was happening to him now. What he feared would still happen.

His every limb felt heavy and his head fuzzy. Every single movement he made was hard and caused his headache intensify, pulsing behind his tired eyes steadily with the rhythm of his heartbeat. His reflexes were remarkably slower than usual. He couldn’t see properly. It was hard to concentrate his surroundings, and for a while he had actually got lost on his road. Not to mention his chakra reserves were so empty that he couldn’t even use his Sharingan, let alone Rinnegan.

He was no condition to battle if encountered enemies, so he had made his way into a small cave he had found last time he had been in the area. It provided just enough shelter for him to gather his strength for few days. And nights. 

_Guilt. Itachi’s eyes. Always Itachi’s eyes, full of pain and tears. Red. Eyes that were his own now... They burned in his sockets. He wanted to tear them out but he couldn’t move a muscle. Blood. His dead parents. His dead cousins. His dead everything. He was helpless, he couldn’t fight, couldn’t protect... Grief. Slowly morphing into relentlessly twitching Sharingan eyes in Danzo’s body. Madness. Blind madness. Red and black waves swirling of emotions and he was drowning with them, madness and hatred and fear and guilt and grief and love and pain and pain and pain and pain..._

An owl called out in the silence.

Sasuke’s head snapped up as he gasped for a breath. His heart was pounding in his chest and his whole body was shaking. Every time he was falling asleep, he got trapped into his nightmares. Same red and black nightmares had followed him all his life, only changing over time. Growing like living creatures they were. They hadn’t been this bad for moths. Sasuke pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his only hand around them. His thick travelling cloak was protecting him from the chilly night air, but not from the chills that run down his spine as he tried to force his mind blank and breathe calmly. In... And out. In... And out. Until familiar haze filled his aching head again.

Usually he didn’t have nightmares every night. Only most nights.

He knew he needed to get some sleep soon. But he was scared to close his eyes. He could feel his paranoia to kick in. His hand was shaking. It was like he was being watched from the dark corners of the cave. Red Sharingan eyes stared him. He could see them, how they glow in the faint moonlight.

They weren’t real. He knew they weren’t real. Scream bubbled up his throat but Sasuke fight it back down. He needed to calm down, before–

And it was too late. He felt light pain in his right hand. The ghost pain. He took in a shuddering breath.

_Not this again._

He could handle nightmares. Hell, he had handled nightmares almost his whole life. But this... Sasuke truly tried to ignore it, to suppress the pain altogether. But he was too tired, too weak to fight it. And the pain grew only stronger. He reached for his stub, clenched his fingers around it digging his nails in his flesh, trying to make some real pain to replace the phantom one, but it didn’t help at all, only made it worse.

What had first been only small tickling had grown to full burning flames that licked his hand that was no more. He felt the vibration and sharp hot and cold sensation that started from his absent fingertips and made their way up and up on his ghost hand, over his elbow and to his stub and then the white-hot explosion of pain made all thoughts impossible.

But the pain wasn't what he feared the most. He was used to feel all kinds of discomforts in his body, he was a ninja, after all. Even if this was the worst pain his body had ever felt.

He fell down, sobbing quietly, still holding his stub, still trying to convince his nerves that there was nothing in place of his right hand, but it was useless. It always was. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want any of this. It was too much for his weak mind to handle. It always hit him when he was at his weakest.

And slowly the burning pain started to fade into dull throbbing. And he shut his eyes tight and braced himself for what was to come. What always came after the pain...

Light. It was like being touched by pure light. Warm and bright. And his phantom hand reached for that touch, to that other phantom it was meant to hold. Sasuke almost saw it. Glowing moon in his palm slowly connecting with its sun. Gentle caresses, warm fingers twinned with his own. It always followed the pain. Like apology. He lost himself to that, over and over again. He couldn’t fight back, he didn’t want to. He surrendered completely. Even if he knew what was to come...

_Please don’t leave me..._

Loss of that touch. It was worse than any pain. He was torn apart from inside, into millions on pieces that didn’t connect, didn’t fit anymore and he was alone in the darkness. So alone and weak, left behind again. It hurt more than anything ever could hurt.

_Don’t leave me..._

Moments later he was asleep, mind blissfully empty of any dreams. Tears dried to his cheeks.

\---

It would have been wrong to say Sasuke felt rested when he woke up. Sun was shining to his little cave, exposing dry leafs, dust, and every other scum that lay inside. His head was still aching and his chest felt tight. But it was time to leave, because he was rested _enough,_ so he gathered himself up, dusted his cloak and took control of himself again.

He still had a long way to Sound, as he had decided to avoid Land of Fire and all the other Grate Nations on his journey, going through only smaller ones. It was easier that way, since only other Kage that trusted his redemption besides Kakashi was Kazekage. He didn’t want to risk his freedom. And besides, outside of the Five Grate Ninja Countries he was able to do his small self-assigned missions without getting caught up to territorial quarrels with anyone.

And he didn’t want to be too close to “home”.

He was following a small river in the old forest when heard a battle. Swords clashing, ground crumbling, water splashing, and someone laughing almost maniacally. Sasuke activated his Sharingan. For Rinnegan he was still too fatigued.

There were four ninjas, in a three against one battle. Three of them were wearing Iwagakure’s scratched hitai-ates. _Rogues. Probably all of them_ , Sasuke figured. The one was clearly winning, only playing with his opponents, despite the fact that his opponents were using Earth Jutsu and he was Water. Sasuke knew that the lonely ninja could have easily won the battle long ago. He knew it, because he had witnessed his talents firsthand multiple times.

Suigetsu moved quickly, dodging his opponent’s swords with his own effortlessly, liquefying himself at times to move closer to them, only to rile them up more. His wide grin showed his sharp tooth and his purple eyes glimmered in excitement. And Sasuke saw why he was fighting. One of the Iwakagure’s rogues had sword that was clearly special. It wasn’t one of the swords of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist, but it was a great sword nevertheless.

Sasuke stepped closer to examine the fight. There was no need for him to actually participate, but he had become curious to see how his former teammate fought these days. It had been long since they had last seen each others. Not since the war.

“Sasuke! Funny to see you here” Suigetsu shouted between the hits, as he noticed him standing in the shadows. Sasuke nodded to him, but didn’t say anything. He watched how Suigetsu moved with his sword, effortlessly dodging all of the attacks and landing his own blows. Iwa ninjas tried to use Earth Barriers, but Suigetsu tore them down combining water from the river with his Wind Jutsu. He wasn’t using his full force, and his blows were not to kill yet. He was dancing between the men, grinning and laughing and clearly having a fun. His body morphing between liquid and solid in rhythmic waves. It was fascinating to watch. Almost hypnotic.

Iwa nins were now panting, probably out of chakra too. Their hits were messy and inaccurate. Sasuke saw how Suigetsu prepared himself for the finishing blow. So he stepped in between and put those rogues under his Genjutsu, effectively ending the fight.

“So, no-killing-policy is back on?” Suigetsu asked with a mocking tone while helping Sasuke tie and seal their unconscious opponents to the nearby tree.

“Hn. Most of the times”, Sasuke replied. Takigakure was the nearest ninja village in this area, so he should let them know they had missing nins captured nearby.

“Okay, well, as long as I can have this sword I don’t mind” Suigetsu said, looking fondly his newest weapon, sliding his thumb across its sharp blade. “At least I cot to fight them properly.”

Sasuke started to inspect their prisoners, while Suigetsu sat on the riverside sipping his water. Sasuke had been doing this a lot in his journeys, fighting missing nins and capturing those that he saw as a danger. Those that only wanted to run away he usually let alone. It wasn’t his place to question that kind of decisions. He wasn’t any better than them.

“Like, weren’t you supposed to be with that Naruto-boy now?” Suigetsu asked suddenly.

“It’s none of your business”, Sasuke snapped, before thinking.

_Slip of control._

He didn’t know what the water nin knew about Naruto or their relationship. But he had noticed before that stories about Naruto’s heroism had started to travel around. And bringing Sasuke, murderous missing nin that planned revolution, back to Konoha had definitely been an act of heroism. As irritating and embarrassing as it was. 

“My, my, did I hit a sensitive spot? Who would have guessed you even have one”, Suigetsu smirked, his sharp tooth poking out in the corner of his mouth. He looked at Sasuke curiously.

“Shut up.” This really wasn’t the conversation he wanted to have with his former teammate. Actually, he hadn’t wanted to have a conversation at all. He had wanted to be alone, calm and composed. Not interrogated like this.

“Oh, could it be...” Suigetsu gasped in amaze, “Could it be that you, for the first time ever, got dumped?” Sasuke flinched. That fucking annoying brat just didn’t know when to stop, didn’t he?

“I Said. Shut. Up”, Sasuke hissed. He had moved behind Suigetsu in a heartbeat. Blue sparks of electricity illuminated his sword as he held it against Suigetsu’s neck.

“Okay, okay, no need to violence, geez. Put that fucking thing off already!”

Sasuke stepped away and lowered his sword. His lack of sleep was still clearly affecting his discretions, because his temper wasn’t usually that short, not even with Suigetsu. But the brat had fished for it. Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed calmly. He _was_ in control.

“So, what are you doing here anyway?” Suigetsu asked rubbing his neck that Sasuke hadn’t even touched.

“Nothing you need to worry about”, Sasuke said nonchalantly. There was no way he would discuss about his atonement journey with that man.

“Need a place for a night? I have been staying nearby village and got an extra bed.”Suigetsu stood up, still watching Sasuke. It was unnerving. But... An actual bed sounded nice. Maybe he could even _sleep_ in it.

“Why not”, he complied.

\---

Suigetsu didn’t have an extra bed. He’s rented room in the upstairs of a guesthouse had only one bed that was just barely big enough for two. 

“Yeah, I know this isn’t exactly what I promised, but hey, you wouldn’t have come otherwise, right?”

Sasuke raised a brow. It wasn’t like Suigetsu to actively seek his company. They had few missions together years ago. They weren’t friends.

“Don’t you rise your brows on me, I deserve better”, Suigetsu smirked. “Although I have to say, you are much more expressive these days than before.”

 _Am I?_ It was rather worrying. Sasuke didn’t want to be expressive. He was about to turn around and leave, when Suigetsu grabbed his cloak.

“Look, you look like a shit, and honestly smell like one too”, Suigetsu sighed. “You haven’t slept in a bed in days, am I right? So, what if you would stop being so high and mighty and lower yourself at my humble level for change?” Sasuke took another look of the room. It really was small one.

“There is no other vacant rooms here, so you know”, Suigetsu added.

“...Fine”, Sasuke said after a while. He could seep on the floor. It would still be better than outside. And he found himself really wanting to shower.

“I’ll go to grab us something to eat, so feel free to use shower in the meantime. There are fresh towels in the bathroom”, Suigetsu smiled walking past Sasuke and out of the door. Sasuke was left alone in the room.

Sasuke was still washing his hair when he heard Suigetsu come back. 

“I bought us some ramen, hope you don’t mind”, he shouted through the door. Sasuke’s fingers stopped their massage of his scalp only for a split second. He decided to ignore it. He rinse his hair and turned off the shower. He wrapped one towel around his hips and started drying his hair with another one.

“I don’t eat ramen”, he said opening the bathroom door.

“Oh, why not?” Suigetsu asked, pouring boiling water into two cups that he had placed in the dining table.

“Unhealthy”, Sasuke said. He had never liked ramen. Not even before...

“Well I don’t have anything else”, Suigetsu shrugged. “Be hungry if you prefer that.” Sasuke sighed and sat on the bed. He could not eat that ramen.

They were silent for a moment, Suigetsu eating and Sasuke just dying his hair with the towel. He was thankful for the strong scent of the shampoo he had used. He tried to concentrate on that. Because the faint smell of the ramen in the air did not bring up any memories he wanted to relive right now.

“Wanna forget him?” Suigetsu asked suddenly. He had finished his ramen and was now leaning to the table casually, looking at Sasuke. Sasuke narrowed his eyes.

“What? Orochimaru is keeping an eye on you, I know stuff”, Suigetsu explained. Sasuke gritted his teeth involuntarily. If Orochimaru was involved, there was no point of denying anything. That snake had his ways to get information that should have been impossible to get for any lesser being. Irritation and embarrassment were bubbling inside Sasuke. He wanted to shut Suigetsu’s smirking mouth with his Chidori.

But he did want to forget. So he closed his eyes.

“How?” he asked between his teeth.

“So it is true!” Suigetsu exclaimed. “I can’t wait to tell Karin! She owns me a dinner now.” Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. So they had made a bet about it? Sasuke felt like things were starting to slip out of his control. It seemed like his only fucking weakness was somehow public knowledge. He didn’t want to ask _exactly_ how much Suigetsu knew. It was already more than he should have.

“I assume that good old liquid intoxication is out of the question?” Suigetsu asked.

“I don’t drink.” It made Sasuke do things he only regretted later. Which probably was true for most of people who drunk. But especially to him. It was, after all, how his questionable experiments with self-genjutsu had started. And kept going...

“Yeah, well, me neither”, Suigetsu answered, ignoring Sasuke’s sour mood completely. “Too dehydrating for someone like me.” Suigetsu took a sip from his water bottle.

“So? What you had in mind then?” Sasuke asked, although he had a feeling that he was going to regret things whether he got drunk or not. Something in Suigetsu’s gaze was different than before.

Suigetsu didn’t say anything, but walked to Sasuke and sat beside him. That only confirmed Sasuke’s earlier suspicions. He followed Suigetsu’s eyes to his lap and watched how the water nin slowly placed his hand in Sasuke’s thigh. 

_So this is how it’s going to be?_

Sasuke didn’t say anything or move Suigetsu’s hand away. It _was_ a way to forget. In his mind it had always been Naruto, even before his Genjutsu. So this would be different. . The smell of the ramen still lingered in the room. He _needed_ something different in order to forget. This would be as good opportunity to do it as any. He fisted his hand into Suigetsu’s pale hair and pulled their lips together.

Suigetsu was surprisingly eager to respond. His tongue slide into Sasuke’s mouth, and Sasuke didn’t protest. He ignored the taste of ramen that still lingered in his mouth, ignored the burning desire to use his pitiful self-Genjutsu and concentrated to the kiss. Their lips moved together easily, tongues exploring each other’s mouths, and when Suigetsu’s sharp teeth nibbled Sasuke’s lip experimentally, he almost forgot how much Suigetsu tasted like ramen.

When they broke the kiss Sasuke stared Suigetsu’s purple eyes unblinkingly. It had felt _nice._ Wet, but still warm. Pleasant... Sasuke wasn’t very experienced kisser. Most hookers didn’t want to do it, and quite frankly Sasuke didn’t want to kiss them either. The one in the Rivers had been humiliating exception that he actively tried to push out of his mind. It had been... No, he didn’t want to think about it. It hadn’t been real. But _this_ was real.

“Just don’t expect anything other than sex”, he said, lowering his gaze to Suigetsu’s already kiss-swollen lips.

“Oh, I wouldn’t dare. Karin would kill me”, Suigetsu smirked. “But I’ll have you known, I’m an excellent lover. So don’t _you_ get too attached.”

“Hn. Don’t think too highly of yourself”, Sasuke snorted.

He knew what he was doing. He was shutting down his emotions. Replacing them with... physical stimuli. He wasn’t supposed to do it, not anymore. But it felt better to feel less. Handle only few emotions at the time. It was easier to keep control like that. He needed to keep control. So he placed his hand on Suigetsu’s back and pulled him closer again.

\---

When Sasuke finally left Suigetsu’s place two days later, he felt more rested than in days. Not that it was saying much, but still. And he didn’t regret anything. It had been... different. Like he had wanted it to be. No conflicting emotions, only physical pleasure. Suigetsu hadn’t asked any more questions or bought any more ramen. He had been his own arrogant self while allowing Sasuke to do whatever he wanted. And he had been able to forget. For a while.

Hawk’s shriek shook him back from his thoughts. He held out his hand so that the bird could land on it. It was from Konoha, he saw. And as soon as he picked up the letter it was carrying, he knew it was from Naruto. His heart didn’t skip a beat. He didn’t stop breathing. He was as calm and impassive as always. His movements were not sloppier than usual when he send the bird away and opened the letter. But he was relieved that he was alone.

Because it _was_ from Naruto.

_Hi, Sasuke!_

_How’s it been? Having fun journeying? Wish I could have freedom like you, but heh, guess some day... Ero-sennin and Tsunade-baachan and even Kakashi had travelled at one point, so I hope the council let me do the same sometime soon. And yeah, I was away with Ero-sennin as a kid, but it didn’t really count as I was so young and not alone or anything. But I’ve been busy here, and_ –

_Oh, Sakura says “Hi!” and I think Kakashi too, though I’m not sure since I haven’t told him that I write to you now and you probably write your rapports to him anyways so So yeah, I have been busy, but you know how it is, missions and studying and all and besides Kakashi is really a pain in my ass now that he’s Hokage, making me do things he doesn’t like to do himself like all the crazy paperwork that is just so pointless for Hokage to do but have to be done anyway, but I really like it this way better so I that I have lots of stuff to do so I don’t get bored ‘cause y’know how I cant’s sit still and that hasn’t changed much since back when we were kids and all, like when we got those stupid missions like babysitting and sorts, and I got really frustrated and just bounced everywhere and you n’ Sakura just rolled eyes because you could behave while I knew that you didn’t like those missions any more than I did, not sure if anyone likes, is just a waist of potential to put a ninja do stuff like that when some civilian could do it as easily and probably better too... You know?_

_Uh, so I was ~~sayin~~ writing that ~~I’m sorry that~~ I think that I didn’t have much time to ~~be with~~ to spend with you when you were here, so um_ _Next time I’ll make sure I have the time to_ – _and if I might have acted little ~~crazy~~ ~~weird~~ stupidly or something it was only because I was bit stressed out from work . So don’t worry about that or anything, everything is just fine and I really hope you would come back ~~soon~~ when you have time again because I ~~have been missing you~~ I could use someone to spar with now that Sakura is always working and doesn’t really train that much, but I think it’s kind of cool that she’s so professional medic now and she is so good at it and all, people from other villages too ask her sometimes to come to train their medics. I think she’s becoming more famous than even Tsunade-baachan and really I think she had earned because she really doesn’t have much of a social life anymore, not since ~~you rejected~~ um, since she umm... _

_Anyway, I heard that this spring is going to be nice and warm and not like last spring when was so cold that I ~~was worried~~ that I was wondering how you were doing out there ~~alo~~_ _ ~~ne~~_ _Didn’t I write you then? Don’t remember... Anyhow, why I’m writing you this time is because ~~I need~~ because ~~I dont~~ uh, I had something I should have said to you when you were here but like I said I didn’t have much time and all so I forgot or something like that, y’know, and so I decided to write. Though I know you hate my messy letters, you always complain how my lines wobble and how I drop ink everywhere and make mistakes and, well, this letter seems like it will annoy you too but... Hm.. So, like are you sure we haven’t seen in months? Before you came here I mean. Somewhere? Maybe... I don’t know, probably not since you said... ~~Hey, remember when you were in prison?~~ Remember when we s ~~lept together~~ um... when I couldn’t sleep right after war... ~~?~~ Nevermind, really. I don’t know what I was saying... Oh! I have started to grow some plants on my balcony, y’know? Gaara gave me some seeds last time he visited and I have managed to grow them to seedlings and I really take care of them, though I dunno what plants they are... Gaara probably told but I forgot... But I’m sure they are something nice! You know, Gaara grows some really nice looking cacti in Suna, and other plants too. He showed them to me last time I visited. He is very talented at that! So that’s why he gave me the seeds, though I know they aren’t cacti since he said Konoha isn’t really a place for them but um... I hope they are something with flowers, sunflowers are nice don’t you think? Or maybe something edible, cucumber or tomato, so Sakura would stop whining that my diet isn’t healthy enough, though I’m sure there has to be some veggies in ramen too, like in the broth, y’know? _

_So um, that’s about it all what I wanted to say, I guess... I hope I ~~see you~~ hear from you soon, so ~~please~~ if you have time maybe write back or something ? ~~~~_

_Sorry..._

_\- Your friend, Naruto, obviously._

Sasuke read the letter three times straight. The fact that the usuratonkachi knew Sasuke hated how messy his letters were and still did nothing to improve them made corner of his mouth twitch up a little. But he knew Naruto well enough by now to know that a letter this long meant that there really was something important that the blond idiot wanted to say. It just was written between the lines, and the fucking lines weren’t even straight to begin with!

It was exactly as bad as his last extended letter to Sasuke that had basically just said “I broke up with Hinata”. But the message of this letter was a bit harder for Sasuke to grasp. He scanned the letter once more, this time with his Rinnegan, to find any patterns, any signs that this was just clever code. But of course it wasn’t. Because it was from Naruto.

It said _“Sorry...”_. For that Naruto had avoided him? It was written like nothing had happened to their relationship, that they were still _friends,_ but at the same time something felt off... Many words had been struck through so Sasuke couldn’t make sense of them. But there had been something Naruto had wanted to say? And Sasuke _did_ remember those nights after the war...

In past weeks he had wished so bad that he didn’t.

But then Naruto had brought up Gaara. His another _precious friend._ The one who hadn’t run away... The one that had been there for Naruto... The one who apparently spent a quite amount of time with Naruto, regardless of being a busy Kazekage. Who Naruto thought was _talented._ Who gifted Naruto with _flowers_! Sasuke gritted his teeth.

Did the letter say: “ _Sorry for avoiding you, let’s be friends again, but nothing more because I’m in love with Gaara_ ”? Had Naruto been avoiding him because of that? It seemed like so, but then again...

_Oh my god Naruto! Why can’t you just... Write properly!_

Blood run faster in his veins now, and his head felt dizzy. He knew he was slipping, losing control. Strange feelings bubbled inside him, begging to be released. It was horrific. How one simple ( _not simple at all!_ ) letter could affect him this much? He didn’t like it, not one bit. But...

It was Naruto...

It was always Naruto, and if that idiot wanted to be his friend, Sasuke wanted to accept it. He _needed_ it. Even if it wasn’t entirely what he had wished for... Even if the bare idea of him with Gaara made him sick. But it was Naruto, and it was something. More than he deserved, really... More than he had expected after that clear rejection. He sighed and folded the letter in his pocket.

_I truly am a fool._

He had travelled far from Konoha, imagining that he wouldn’t want to go back for a long time. But he needed answers. And this time he wouldn’t run away before they had a chance to talk. No matter how much Naruto wanted to avoid it.

\---TBC---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke’s reactions may seem a bit extreme in this chapter, but I honestly think that almost all Uchihas are like that. When Uchihas do or feel something, they don’t do it half-assed. And Sasuke is still young and dealing with all those emotions he had suppressed almost his whole life. He’ll learn, I hope. And besides, Naruto’s and Sasuke’s relationship, even if viewed as a platonic one, is very passionate. They both go to extremes and beyond because of each others. In good and bad ways. For anyone else it would be unhealthy, but these two (especially Naruto) had always seen it as normal. 
> 
> Next chapter will definitely be less intense and more lighthearted than this one, mostly Naruto's POV but some Sasuke's too I think. 
> 
> Criticism and other comments are welcomed as usual!


	6. Coming to Conclusions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda in-between-chapter where really doesn't happen that much. I still felt like it was necessary to write for the plot to move on. And I actually really enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Did you notice that I changed the summary of this story? I think this new one is more fitting.
> 
> Oh, and I also rewrote the first chapter! I never really liked it, but I was too eager to write the second one that I just posted it without much care. But now it’s something that I can be almost happy with. No major changes concerning the overall plot, just some insight to Naruto's life.
> 
> Go and read it if you want and let me know what you think of it!
> 
> And I hope you'll like this new chapter as well!

**6\. Coming to Conclusions**

For the past the few weeks Naruto had been thinking about Sasuke more than he had in ages. More than he had since he had been trying to bring him back home all those years ago, before Jiraiya had died and the War started. Back then, Sasuke had always been on his mind. And everything Naruto did was to get closer to him. When he had been training with Jiraiya, when he had been constantly trying to become stronger, Sasuke had been the reason he kept going.

His driving force.

Now he missed those simpler times, when he’d had only one goal to achieve and everything else came only after that. He had developed an enormous headache from all the simultaneous thinking and working and studying and concentrating he had done lately. He was so tired of it.

It wasn't like him to overthink. Usually he just did whatever felt right at the moment. But doing just that was the sole reason he was in trouble the first place. Sasuke was too precious for him to lose. So he’d had to think before.

Naruto sighed and turned back to the massive pile of paper in front of him that had nothing to do with Sasuke. Filing citizenship applications was just one of those tasks that Naruto had thought Hokage didn’t have to do himself. That there would have been staff to do it. And well, there was, Naruto himself, so it kinda counted.

He knew that filing those applications was a great way to learn about new people who have moved to Konoha recently. But he would have preferred face-to-face meetings over these soulless papers. He yawned and glanced at the clock. _Still whole hour to go._ Time always moved frustratingly slowly when he had desk-duty and he was growing restless.

He hadn’t had a single day off in weeks. Since that _incident_ with Sasuke. Luckily he had gained some of his concentration skills back, so he had been able to catch up Kakashi’s paperwork and he was also finally on schedule with his studies. And because there were no urgent missions for him to take, now only things that stood between him and his four day vacation were one hour of this stupidity and then his pre planned BBQ-dinner with friends. 

He had three clones studying mission tactics with Shikamaru and two here at the Hokage Residence doing something Kakashi had asked them to do and Naruto wasn’t interested in knowing, so that he really could make it on time.

But Sasuke was distracting him again in his mind.

After days of agonizing, he had finally written to him like Shikamaru had suggested. And like always after writing to Sasuke, he was glad that Shikamaru proofread most of his other letters. There was no way he could write them on his own and be seen as someone professional.

He was fine with writing mission rapports. They were simple enough. But proper letters were whole different matter.

If his letter to Sasuke would have been a rapport, he would have written simply: _“Sorry Sasuke, I’m a total dumbass like you have always said. Didn’t want to hurt you, can we still be friends? Or more than that? Please, come back. P.S. Do you know that we fucked or not? I kinda liked it._ ” Or something along those lines.

But he couldn’t. Because personal letters were no rapports. Naruto had always felt like those kind of letters should be longer, more like conversations than statements. And that was what Sai had said too, and he had read it from a book. And besides it was easier to write about hard things when he could mask them under harmless chatter about his everyday life.

So while he somewhat knew that Sasuke thought his letters were stupid, he kept writing them like that. And it had made him feel like Sasuke was actually part of his life. Someone important, not just mere comrade.

Now that he thought about it, he should have noticed his feelings sooner...

But now that he had, and now that he had written to him, there was nothing more he could. There was absolutely no point of wondering Sasuke's motives without actually talking to him first.

After hours of intense thinking, Naruto finally knew where he stood. He wanted Sasuke to be with him. Like he had always wanted. Now he only knew why it was like that.

His deep connection with Sasuke was more than a simple friendship. And no matter what any old man had ever had said, it wasn’t brotherhood either. Not with all the sexual undertones it had. And when Kurama had interfered his thinking process one day, he had been certain.

-

_**“Just made up your mind!”** _ _Naruto hadn’t heard from his bijuu much lately, so he had been really surprised to feel his low voice in his head again after so long._

_"I thought you were sleeping!"_

_**"I was, but it's hard to sleep when all I can hear is your constant 'Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke'"** _ _Naruto couldn't help but blush. And hope that Kyuubi wouldn’t notice it._

_"Um, so, what do you think?" he asked nervously. Kurama had some not so pleasant opinions about Uchihas, and Naruto was only now starting to think that Kyuubi might not approve his relationship with Sasuke at all, and at least not its recent developments, and if that would be the case, then surely–_

_**"I think you're idiot not realizing sooner."** _ _Naruto’s frantic thinking stopped instantly._

_"You knew?! Since when?"_

_**"Since forever, brat.”** _

_And with that, Naruto’s mind was filled with images of all the first times he had used Kurama’s chakra. To revenge Sasuke’s supposed death at the Land of Waves, to protect Sasuke from Orochimaru during the Chuunin Exams, to defeat Sasuke so that he would stay at the Konoha... And then Kurama show him humiliating series of images of him crying because of Sasuke around the fucking world. Naruto couldn’t help but blush even more._

_**“Now let me finally sleep."** _

_Okay, it wasn’t exactly a blessing, but it wasn’t a prohibition either. Naruto could deal with that._

-

So for now, he was feeling more or less content with the situation. He had always been bad at handling uncertainty of his own mind. But whenever he got to some resolution it was like a huge weight would have been lifted from his shoulders, no matter how uncomfortable the resolution was. As long as his goals were clear he was fine.

Still, it didn't stop him from thinking about that teme all the fucking time.

“He’ll come back”, Kakashi said, pulling Naruto back to the present again. The Hokage was smiling to him behind his desk. Naruto didn’t even want to know how he had guessed that he was thinking about Sasuke again. It was better that way.

“How do you know?” he settled asking, without lifting his head from the papers.

“Oh, let’s just say he has some unfinished business here”, Kakashi said cryptically, explaining nothing. But it was good. Naruto wanted Sasuke to come back for whatever reason there was.

\---

Naruto was more than ready to run straight to the brothel when Kakashi finally called it for a day. He sure as hell needed some stress relief. But BBQ with friends he hadn’t seen in a long time was also a good start.

Now that they were practically adults, they all had their respective works and missions and projects that kept them busy. It was hard to arrange everyone’s timetables so that they could meet as a group anymore. It was kinda sad, since they had once been so close but, like Shikamaru had said, it probably was just what meant to be an adult. This was the first time in moths they were able to get together like this.

Sometimes being an adult sucked.

Others were already at the table starting to place slices of meat and veggies into the grill when Naruto walked in. A group of elderly visitors from some nearby village had stopped him for pictures on his way, and they had wanted to hear everything he had done in the War and after that, to the finest detail. And though Naruto was tired and hungry and already late, he couldn’t refuse. So he had spent half an hour with them, smiling so much that his cheeks hurt.

“Hey guys, how’s it been?” he asked while sitting next to Sakura. Sakura smiled to him and started to tell about her super busy week, to which Ino joined, since she had done few shifts at the hospital too. And then Choji told about his new team of genins and their little D-ranked missions, to which Lee enthusiastically compared his last B-ranked mission. Naruto relaxed to their chatter. After the long day he was glad to be here, surrounded by people he felt at ease with.

He only wished that Sasuke would have been there too.

Soon after they were all present, the waitress came to bring them more water. She was about to place a water bottle to the table, when she noticed Naruto. She snapped up, almost dropped the bottle she was holding and bowed deep.

“Nanadaime Hokage-sama”, she muttered, her whole face red behind her hair. Naruto could only smile to her awkwardly and ask her to call him just Naruto. To which the girl blushed even more, thinking Naruto was trying to flirt with her (which he totally wasn’t). Naruto didn’t know which one of them was more embarrassed at the situation, he or the waitress.

“I almost forgot what it’s like to go some place public with you, Naruto”, Tenten said after the blushing waitress had gone out of hearing distance.

“Yeah, it’s stupidly annoying sometimes”, Sakura sighed. “Like this one time Naruto was walking me to work and bunch of teenage girls surrounded us, all wanting his autograph or something. I came late to the hospital just because I couldn’t get past them!”

“Surrounded by the power of youth! What a dream!” Lee exclaimed dreamily.

“Yeah, sorry again about that, Sakura”, Naruto mumbled scratching the back of his head. It was awkward enough when he was on his own, but when his friends were involved, it was even worse. He didn’t want to complicate their lives by being famous. Especially since most of his friends would have deserved the same attention on their own merits.

“Oh, I remember when I introduced Naruto to my genin team”, Choji continued, ignoring Naruto’s apology. “Wish they would look at me with the same respect they looked at him...”

 _They only respect me because they don’t know me. They think I’m perfect,_ Naruto thought, but didn’t say a thing.

“I–I got really mean letters from his fan–fan girls when we d–dated”, Hinata whispered. Girls automatically reached out to her and muttered reassuring words. Hinata smiled to them bravely.

Naruto remembered those letters well, and yeah, they had been nasty. But he was surprised that Hinata had brought that up. She had never talked about their relationship openly like this before, it still being too emotional topic for her. She was clearly starting to get over him.

While others continued their conversation about Naruto’s fame, Naruto glanced Hinata secretly. She was sitting next to Kiba, who had been suspiciously quiet all night. They looked almost normal, but – yes, Hinata’s trademark blush was few shades deeper than normally. Naruto had gotten pretty good at reading her while they had dated.

“Oh, dropped my napkin”, he said while crouched under the table and – yes! Kiba’s hand was on Hinata’s thigh! He got up and smirked to Sakura. She had been right about this the whole time.

“What are you grinning at Naruto?” Ino asked. She had seen their eye contact and wanted to hear rumours as well, Naruto guessed.

“What? I’m just looking forward my free time”, Naruto said, which was true, but he was also happy for Kiba and Hinata. He was hoping that he could be friends with Hinata again soon, like they had been before. Without all that awkwardness it’d had since their brake up.

“Speaking of your free time”, Sakura said, moving the topic away from HinaKiba-duo, “–are you going to your training trip again?”

“Uh, yeah, right after this dinner, actually”, he said. He heard Shikamaru sigh, but didn’t pay attention. “Been kinda stressed out lately, so I need to let out some steam.”

“It’s just stress then? You have seemed a little out of focus” Tenten asked. She had been with Naruto on a mission few days ago, and Naruto cursed himself in his mind for doing such a bad job concealing his concerns.

“Just stress! Kakashi and Shikamaru keep me busy, right Shikamaru?” Naruto glanced at the brunet, hoping him to change the subject. He didn’t want to discuss about Sasuke with all of them. He knew for a fact what most of them thought about him anyway.

“We have had a lot of work, yes”, Shikamaru said nodding to Naruto. “For example, did you know that so much people are moving to Konoha now that the council is considering expanding the city beyond the Hokage Monument?”

“Oh, wow! That would be cool!” Kiba get excited. He started to plan his new house, with more space for dogs. And Lee wondered if he could move there too for better view over the city, and soon they were all talking about their houses and apartments and where they wanted to live in future.

And Naruto silently thanked his trusted friend and advisor.

\---

It was late when they finally said their goodbyes. Naruto was slowly walking through the village with Sakura. Others had gone to continue their night at Shikamaru’s, but Naruto had been too eager to get going and Sakura had an early shift at the hospital, so they had been left behind.

“He hadn’t written you back?” Sakura asked carefully.

“No...” Naruto sighed as he watched the crescent moon at the sky. His chakra reached out to Sasuke, but of course he was too far away. Naruto felt only the finest echo of it that told him Sasuke was still alive, nothing more. “But he doesn’t usually write back anyway, so it’s okay I guess...”

"I miss him too”, Sakura admitted. “But listen, Naruto. He'll come back." She placed her hand reassuring on Naruto's shoulder. Naruto looked at her minty eyes and nodded.

"Yeah, I know”, he said. “He'll come back and I’ll do as you told me to, y’know? I’ll sort this out. This is nothing serious, nothing that can’t be fixed. He’ll come back and everything will be alright again.”

“I’m glad then”, Sakura said smiling gently.

“Thank you, Sakura.” She had been really understanding lately. Even if she didn’t really know what was going on, she had supported him anyway. Without asking too many questions.

Naruto was grateful he had such good friends.

He and Sakura hugged for goodbye, and in the pale light of the moon Naruto walked out of the gate, nodding to the ANBU guards at its side.

As soon as he was out of sight, he jumped to the forest and disappeared to the night.

\---

Somehow it didn’t feel right to work as Menma anymore. So he didn’t. Naruto still had Mia and Jino,so he would be fine. He felt familiar excitement bubble inside him when he picked up her clothes at his rental room near the brothel.

Now more than ever he wanted to be someone else. Someone with fewer worries. And Mia was hundred percent smile and flirt, without a single worry in her mind. Naruto felt great relief immersing himself in his character.

“Have you seen Menma, by any chance?” Kurumi asked when s/he arrived at the brothel.

“Haven’t, sorry.” Mia’s voice was too high to Naruto’s ear. He corrected it a little before asking: “Why?”

“Nothing really, he just has so many regulars that I was going to suggest steadier work-hours to him. Not that you don’t have almost as many regulars yourself, tough”, she said smiling. “Can you believe, even that darks stranger with an eye patch that run away from the window the other week came back asking for him?”

Naruto’s stomach twitched. Sasuke had come–back?

“When?” he heard herself asking. ? Naruto was surprised, but he hoped that Mia’s face showed only girlish curiosity for gossips.

“Some time ago now... Maybe a week after his first visit”, Kurumi answered, before hurried somewhere leaving her alone in the backroom.

So it had been... right after Sasuke had left Konoha? When Naruto was still in Konoha.

 _He didn’t recognize me, after all_ , he thought. He didn’t know whether he felt more disappointed or relieved. But Naruto quickly brushed his thought aside. Tonight he had other things in mind.

He had to get rid of his stupidly sexual fantasies about Sasuke. Because thinking about Sasuke meant now days also _thinking_ about Sasuke. His thoughts had gone insanely wild. He didn’t think only _that_ time anymore, his mind had created all sort of fantasies of its own. Many of them had actually started as plans for future training and sparring sessions. Somehow they had just _escalated_.

Some involved clones. Others Genjutsu. Ninja weapons, even. Lots and lots of chakra use. All the things he couldn’t do at the brothel. Naruto would have been almost proud of his creativity, if those fantasies hadn’t been so goddamned frustrating. Just thinking about Sasuke set his skin on fire.

He had spent way too much time under the cold shower during past few weeks. He had decided to put all that pent up frustration to good use. He was hoping kinky customers more than ever.

\---

Mia was proudly sporting her new dazzling pink kimono as s/he walked down the street. He was doing promotional work this afternoon, being too restless to sit still and wait for the night. Last night had been quiet, so he needed to attract more customers anyway.

That regular of hers who had gifted the kimono had a really good taste: Mia looked stunning in it. And it surely didn’t go unnoticed by the men (and some women) in the streets. Mia handed brothel’s cards to those who stared the most, enjoying the way s/he was multiplying the amount of pink in the streets with their blushing faces.

S/he was just about to turn the street that lead to the brothel when he felt it.

_Sasuke._

He’s chakra was approaching the village, still far away, but gradually closer. Naruto almost dropped his Henge in surprise.

\---

The closer to Konoha Sasuke get, the more his pride started to slow him down. Was he really running back to Naruto just because of one stupidly confusing letter? What was he even trying to get out of it? But even if he was growing more and more pissed off with every step he took, he didn't stop.

Naruto had said he was sorry, and if that idiot wanted to sort out this whatever mess they had made, Sasuke was willing to at least try. And he hadn’t been _running_ to him, anyway. He had taken different detours, capturing few more missing nins on the way. He had halted for days to train his Taijutsu and Rinnegan technique. He wasn’t procrastinating, but he surely wasn’t running either.

After he had been on his way few days, the nightmares had come back. Not as horrifying as they had been before his fling with Suigetsu, but still. And that was part of the reason he had stopped to train so many times. He had hoped that by exhausting his body he could force his mind to sleep too.

He was prepared to do almost anything to prevent the ghost limb pain from ever arising again.

For the time being, he had succeeded. He was tired and couldn’t sleep full hours, but he survived. He was in control. And it was all that mattered.

\---

Sasuke walked into the village of Konohagakure head straight up and eyes cold and indifferent. It was a bright morning and it looked like everyone was outside at the streets. He felt their eyes at him as he headed to the hospital. Last time he had almost convinced himself that he didn't care.

But he did care, actually.

He felt the hateful glances in his back, burning him alive, judging him, resenting him. He couldn’t help but think about Naruto. Hadn’t it been the same for him when he had been just a kid? How that usuratonkachi had endured it and come out of it as mostly functioning human being was a mystery to Sasuke. He knew he couldn’t be that strong, not even as an adult...

Thinking about it made his anger spike and he clenched his fists. Because no matter how disgusting and worthless those glances made him feel, it had been even worse for Naruto. He hadn't done anything to deserve the hate, he had been innocent as only a child could be. Very much unlike Sasuke was now.

Sasuke knew he deserved most of the hate he got. Even though they hated him for the wrong reasons.

They hated him for killing Danzo. But Danzo had deserved it. They hated him for joining Akatsuki. But he had never joined, not really. They hated him for his plans of destroying Konoha and then for reforming shinobi world. But they had been only plans, and surely everyone had fantasised about burning the world at their teens anyway. Sasuke just had happened to be powerful enough to actually do it.

They _should_ have hated him for killing Itachi... For hurting Sakura... For hurting Naruto... For being so weak and stupid and easily manipulated that he almost destroyed everything on a whim. Those were the reasons why Sasuke hated himself on his worst days.

So he deserved those hateful glances he got. But what hurt even more was that no one here still knew anything about Itachi. About his foolish sacrifice. It hurt that they still honoured Danzo as their fucking elder. And that those two other elders that were still alive...

Sasuke sighed deeply, calming his nerves. He still had too much hate in him to be in this shithole village any longer than was absolutely necessary.

Last time it had seemingly been concealed under his stupid _hope_ for Naruto. But now that he was back to his more cynical self, he knew he would leave the village again soon after he had talked to Naruto. Staying would mean only unnecessary testing of his control. He couldn’t risk it.

So he strode to the hospital as fast as he could without coming across as hostile.

Sasuke already knew that Naruto wasn’t here at the moment. He had felt his chakra on his way, but so faintly that he couldn’t identify its direction. But not feeling it here any stronger meant that he was obviously somewhere else.

He was heading to the hospital, because Sakura was probably the only person who both knew where Naruto had gone, and was willing to share her knowledge with Sasuke.

He didn’t get that far when he already saw the girl. Sakura was walking to his direction with that blond therapist girl, Ino.

“S-Sasuke-kun?” Sakura stuttered as she noticed him. Sasuke remarked how she glanced at Ino quickly, but the other girl was looking at him indifferently enough.

“Where is Naruto?” Sasuke asked, not in a mood for small talk. Or any talk. Sakura seemed to catch the idea, because she didn’t even try to mince words.

“He’s out of Konoha. Coming back in three days, maybe.”

“Where?” Sasuke asked again. He had absolutely no intentions to wait for him here this time.

“Um, I’m actually not sure, really”, Sakura said, sounding so apologetic that Sasuke raised his brow. So Sakura explained. “I know that you guys are fighting or something and that Naruto had been more of an idiot than usual.” Sasuke could agree on that latter part. “But he’s really sorry and he was waiting for you to answer to his letter or come back to here so much. And I feel like such a poor friend for not asking him specifically where he was going to train this time even though I knew that you might come here while he’s away and that you probably wouldn’t wait for him here.”

 _So Naruto had gone somewhere to train_ , Sasuke thought, ignoring everything else Sakura had said. To train or to relax, like he remembered Sakura suspecting the last time she had mentioned it. Sasuke tried to recall all the nearby places suitable for either one of the options. Naruto had mentioned some mountain onsen he had visited with his sensei Jirayia, but otherwise Sasuke had no clue where the usuratonkachi might be. 

He couldn’t just start running around the Fire Country until he found him, couldn’t he? It would take too long, when he needed to see Naruto _today._ He had already made his mind about that.

“You could ask if Kakashi knows”, Sakura tried. Sasuke clenched his fists. Of course he _could_ ask Kakashi. But he certainly didn’t _want_ to. He sighed internally. It seemed like he didn’t have any other options available right now.

“Fine”, he snarled and turned his back to the girls, without bothering to say goodbye.

“First time seeing Sasuke looking for Naruto and not the other way around”, Sasuke heard Ino chuckle behind him as he walked away. He felt himself humiliated. _Fucking pride._ But he would have to swallow it now, because Kakashi wouldn’t be civil enough to wait for him to turn around before laughing at him.

\---

“So you are saying that the Hokage of the Konohagakure doesn’t know where the village’s jinchuuriki is?” Sasuke hissed to Kakashi. He hated to use that card, but he was out of options. Surely Kakashi had at least _some_ idea where his greatest weapon was spending his free time. The council wouldn’t allow it any other way, wouldn’t it?

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I really have no clue”, Kakashi answered, to Sasuke’s surprise. The man was reading his usual Icha-Icha -books and wasn’t even paying proper attention to Sasuke. “He’d always managed to come back on his own, unlike someone”, Kakashi added smirking, and turned the page.

Sasuke had already swallowed his pride coming here, but now he had to swallow his curses too. His and his former sensei’s relationship had returned to almost normal after Sasuke had been pardoned. This one thing, this one thing that Sasuke was the most insecure about, however, was the only thing Kakashi saw no reason to stop torturing him about.

Yes, he _knew_ that he had hurt Naruto by leaving all those years ago. And he _knew_ that in that light, his feelings for the said blonde idiot were unbelievably selfish. He really didn’t need Kakashi to rub it into his face. 

“I wonder what he wrote to get you so restless”, Kakashi then asked, finally lifting his head up. “Nothing _inappropriate_ , I hope?” And that smug smile on his face was the last straw. Sasuke turned on his heels and stormed off.

Only to almost bump into Shikamaru at the hallway.

Sasuke might have flashed his Sharingan to him, because the man raised his hands up uncharacteristically quickly and said: “Calm down, I know where to look for him.” Although his reflexes were fast, he wasn’t looking even a bit intimidated. Sasuke found it irritating.

Shikamaru motioned him to move along, and because at this point Sasuke was fucking desperate, he did as was told. They walked silently through the Hokage Residence, until they came to a narrow door. Shikamaru opened it and gestured Sasuke to step in, following right after and locking the door behind. Sasuke watched how he sealed the room before finally turned to face him.

“I’m not telling this to you because I want to help you”, Shikamaru said bluntly. “But for whatever reason, you are important to Naruto. It’s a drag, but he needs to talk with you, so that he can concentrate to more important matters again.” He sighed and placed his hands on the table that stood in between two of them. “You know the village at the Rivers that is just outside our border?”

Sasuke nodded. There were only one village that matched the description. But what business had Naruto there? And why was it so confidential that even the Hokage didn’t know about it? Sasuke knew he wouldn’t get his answers from the Nara, so it was pointless to even ask.

When he remained silent, Shikamaru straighten himself, removed the seals and unlock the door. And after giving Sasuke bored, but still somehow warning look, he walked away.

And soon after Sasuke followed, leaving immediately towards the Land of Rivers.

\---

If Sasuke concentrated enough, he could feel Naruto’s chakra now. It was suppressed, but still strong enough for him to feel. They were near. Thinking about it made his chest twist unpleasantly. He tried to tell himself that he wasn’t nervous, but he couldn’t fool himself.

He had read Naruto’s letter one more time, but it had only made things worse. He didn’t like to think about the fact that he was most likely going to be rejected all over again. Naruto’s friendship would be enough for him, if that was all he could get. He was concentrating on that.

It was hard to navigate with only suppressed chakra signature as his guide, but at least Naruto had stopped moving. Sasuke knew he was waiting for him.

He was getting closer. He was scanning the lively streets of the village, but couldn’t see anyone looking like Naruto. Though if he had suppressed his chakra, he probably was also under some Henge character. But Sasuke was confident he would still recognise Naruto.

And soon enough he saw him. Or _her_ in this case. Red-haired young woman wearing obnoxious pink kimono was leaning casually against the wall other side of the street. As she noticed Sasuke, she disappeared into the shadowy alleyway behind her. And Sasuke followed.

The girl was so obviously Naruto that in a different situation Sasuke would have laughed. Sasuke had spent enough time with Karin to recognise how that specific shade of hair screamed Uzumaki to every direction. It wasn’t _that_ different from other shades of red, but Sasuke was rather sharp-eyed.

And the way the girl moved was so much like Naruto’s every Sexy Jutsu girl, that it didn’t leave room for further speculations. She didn’t have Naruto’s trademark whiskers, but the shape of her face was familiar, only more feminine. Eye shape was the same as well, although the colour was wrong. And her ears were all Naruto, only made little smaller.

Sasuke snorted. It was just so typical for the usuratonkachi to forget to change little details. Admittedly most people, or even most shinobi, weren’t familiar with that kind of details of Naruto to begin with. But Sasuke was.

And there was no doubt in his mind. This girl was Naruto. Because most importantly, Sasuke sensed Naruto’s suppressed chakra on her. Only question was, _what for?_ Naruto wasn’t here on a mission, otherwise Kakashi would have known. Sasuke was all of a sudden really curios to know all about this secret of Naruto’s. If only to procrastinate the conversation he had actually came here for.

So as soon as Naruto stopped walking and they were face to face at the alleyway, Sasuke asked.

"What are you doing?" 

"Um... I..." Naruto fidgeted, clearly trying to find the right words. It was strange to see Naruto’s familiar expressions and gestures on her. Sasuke wasn’t sure he liked it. Mental block flickered over her face briefly, but Naruto dropped it quickly, guilt written all over her face. Sasuke frowned. For what reason was he guilty?

"I... I kinda work here sometimes like this..." Naruto finally managed to blurt out.

And suddenly Sasuke remembered what Naruto had written to him. The only part that hadn’t made any sense at all.

 _"_ _Are you sure we haven't seen in months?"_

_Oh._

“It was you?” Sasuke asked, calmly, his face void of any signs of his inner turmoil. He didn't say anything more. He couldn't say.

But it was all that was needed. Naruto didn't look at him when he nodded. 

_Fuck._

\---TBC---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? How will Sasuke react? I’m still figuring it out myself, so it might take a while before I’ll upload again. But they WILL talk this through. At some point. There are still more of this story, so do not think it’s over just yet!


	7. Mutual Agreements

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos (wow over 100 already!!!), they truly keep me going. 
> 
> I'm conflicted about whether this is a good chapter or not, but guess I'll leave it for you to decide. I'm somewhat surprised how it turned out, but sometimes the story just want's to write itself and the writer can just do as told. 
> 
> Smut ahead, so be warned.

**7\. Mutual Agreements**

Sasuke could only stare at the green eyes that were not entirely Naruto’s as he let the realisation sink in. Naruto had... His chest started to feel tight and it became hard to breathe. They had...

_Oh fuck._

It all made perfect sense, of course it did. He had always been able to recognise Naruto. Back when they were mere genins doing their first missions. Probably even before that. _Always._ No matter if someone pretended to be him, no matter if he pretended to be someone else. No matter if it was one of his clones. Somehow Sasuke instantly knew whether it was the real Naruto or not. And now they had...

_Shit, holy fucking shit._

Of course he hadn't gotten trapped in his own Genjutsu. He should’ve known better. Uchihas never fell for their own tricks like that, no matter if they were drunk or tired or half dead for that matter. It had felt so real... because it _had been_ real. Every last embarrassingly pathetic bit of it. They really had...

_Oh god._

Sasuke felt like screaming. There should have been questions that needed answering, but he couldn’t think of any. His thoughts were slipping. Emotions swirled inside him in alarming speed and he didn’t know what to do with them. What the fuck was he supposed to feel? What anyone was supposed to feel in situation like this?

This was _not_ the conversation Sasuke had prepared himself for. How on earth did Naruto always manage to shatter his every plan and lead him into a complete fucking chaos?

Sasuke felt a panic rising inside him. Naruto was looking at him. Waiting for him to say something. But he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know what to _think_. He feared that if he opened his mouth now, he might say something wrong or bad or stupid and destroy everything in a matter of seconds.

He was feeling too much, everything was in turmoil and crashing and spinning inside him. His heart was beating wildly and he couldn’t get enough air and it was too hot and he was starting to feel dizzy. Not Naruto’s eyes were studying his every movement and they were too close and he felt so, so utterly exposed and he had no control over the situation whatsoever and it was just too overwhelming and...

And so he did the only thing he could.

-

"Sasuke...?" Naruto asked cautiously. "Can we talk about this?" He had expected to be yelled at. Or punched. He had expected _reaction._ But Sasuke was just starting at him, his visible eye wide open. Nothing of him moved, he was frozen into his place. He barely breathed.

And then his expression slowly turned into blank.

"Shit", Naruto cursed silently. He hadn't thought this would be easy, but still. This was bad. Naruto had barely learned how to use mental blocking, but Sasuke– Sasuke was a natural talent. If he wanted to be unreadable, if he wanted to hide his mind, there was no force in the world to stop him. (Apart from Naruto punching him to the gates of death, of course.)

Without thinking, he reached out to Sasuke. To take his hand or to hug him? Had he ever done either of those things before? Naruto didn’t know. But before he was able to touch, Sasuke flinched away.

"I can't talk to you when you look like that", Sasuke said, taking a step back, away from Naruto. His voice was cold and impassive, and Naruto tried his best to ignore how painfully that made his gut twist. And only then he remembered he was still Mia. Yeah, he didn't want to talk looking like her either. 

"Meet me outside of the village in half an hour, okay?" he said. "I'll be without Henge or chakra suppression, so you'll find me", he added. Even though Sasuke had found him easily enough already.

Sasuke nodded him blankly, before vanishing from the alley.

And Naruto cursed his choice of an outfit, because he really needed all of that half an hour just to get out of her fucking kimono. But at least he could use the time to think what the actual hell he would _say_ to Sasuke. Because no, he still didn’t know the right words to explain himself without totally destroying their friendship in the process.

 _I never should’ve done it,_ he thought, as he started to make his way back to his rental room, running like a madman in her stupidly amazing pink and white and dark blue kimono. And he was so angry to himself for not being able to really regret anything.

\---

They met in the woods, safely away from any roads or buildings or rivers so that they wouldn’t be accidentally disturbed by anyone. Though the idea of being so far away from everything, just the two of them, made Naruto feel slightly out of balance. 

Sasuke was just so _beautiful_ like this, standing in his all blacks like a shadow among the trees. Rare beams of sunlight coming through the foliage flickered on him, making his eyes glimmer. He was strong and dark and powerful, like always, but the play of shadows on his pale skin made him also look somehow ethereal...

Naruto realized he must have been staring too long, and quickly blinked his eyes away. There was no way fighting down the blush he felt blazing on his face and neck, but at least he _tried_ to look relaxed. While Sasuke’s mental block also prevented him from feeling Naruto’s emotions, he could still easily _see_ them in Naruto’s eyes. Naruto cleared his throat and tried to ignore how naked he suddenly felt facing Sasuke without his Henge.

Surprisingly, it was Sasuke who spoke first.

“Why?” Simple question. Asked so many times already.

_‘Why don’t you just give up?’_

_‘Why do you go so far for me?’_

_‘Why do you care about me so much?’_

This was the first time Naruto couldn't get away with his standard answer. ‘I fucked you cause you're my friend’ didn't sound convincing even in his own ears. Besides, Sasuke had never seemed to be satisfied with his answer anyways. He had kept asking again and again.

Had he known that Naruto wasn’t telling the whole truth? Before Naruto knew it himself? He quickly brushed that thought aside. Now was not the time for his questions. Not before he had answered Sasuke’s first.

“It's–it’s my job there”, Naruto started, as neutrally as he could with his hands sweating and heart beating embarrassingly fast in his chest.

“So you fuck anyone who pays you enough? Is that it? You fucked even me?” Sasuke’s voice was like ice. Sharp and so painfully cold to hear. He had raised his brow to indifferent question. Like he couldn’t care less either way. Oh, how Naruto hated when he did that.

“No, Sasuke, it's not like that. I–“ Naruto tried really hard to read his friend’s eyes. Was he mad? Hurt? Embarrassed? His mismatch glaze was blank and gave nothing away.

But this was important to Sasuke too. Naruto knew him well enough to know it was the only reason he was hiding from him now. If he really wouldn’t care, he wouldn’t do that. There wouldn’t be anything to hide.

“Then why?” Sasuke asked again.

Naruto breathed deeply. Concealing things from Sasuke was one thing, but straight up lying was completely different. It was something he couldn't afford to do. He really had no choice but to tell him.

“Cause I wanted to”, he said fighting his urge to look away. In situation like this he sure as hell wasn’t someone who was never scared. He was _scared as fuck_ right now. His heartbeat was surely fast enough to kill him. “Cause it was you.”

It still wasn’t the _whole_ truth. Whole truth was bigger and demanded words that Naruto wasn’t used to say. Words that would only complicate things further. But Sasuke’s eyes narrowed dangerously, and it looked like he had gotten the point anyway. 

“Don't say things you don't mean”, Sasuke said in a low voice.

“I don't, y’know.”

“...Liar.”

“No, Sasuke. I–“

“Then what about Gaara?”

“Gaara?” Naruto blinked. “What he has to do with anything?”

“...” Sasuke stared at him, eyes narrowed. “Nothing then, I suppose”, he muttered. And the flash of emotion in his eyes might have been relief. But it was too fast gone. “You regret it, don’t you? What we did.”

“No!” Naruto exclaimed, more eagerly that he had meant to. But he really needed to be honest. “No. I don’t regret it at all. Maybe I should, but–”

“Then why the hell didn’t you say anything?!” Sasuke cut him off. And suddenly all the mental blocks were down and the amount of hurt radiating from Sasuke was almost enough to knock Naruto down. “Why the hell didn’t you talk to me?” he shouted. “Why did you avoid me the whole time I was in the village? Why didn’t you let me to talk to you? Why you let me leave again? Why didn’t you fucking tell me?!”

Sasuke was breathing hard and his eyes had a feverish glint. All the hurt and confusion and insecurity flooding from him hurt Naruto too, badly, but he was so glad he could almost laugh. Sasuke was finally _reacting_.

“Cause I didn't want to lose you, teme!”

With that, everything went silent. Even birds were quiet, only sound in the forest being the wind rustling in the leaves above them. Sasuke looked absolutely bewildered and his confusion was so strong Naruto could almost taste it, as he waited whether their friendship would break or not.

Disbelief. Hope. Was it his or Sasuke’s?

“What?” Sasuke finally asked. Not yelling anymore.

“I don’t want to lose you”, Naruto repeated, heart racing. “If you, dunno... reject me.”

“...” Sasuke's mouth opened but nothing came out. He looked at Naruto, his beautiful eyes wide with surprise.

“I didn't know how you’d react”, Naruto mumbled. “Still don't know...”

“You really are an idiot”, Sasuke whispered, and with few steps he had pressed his body against Naruto and Naruto’s breath hitched because Sasuke fused their lips together and suddenly they were kissing.

It was so unexpected that it took a while for Naruto to fully realize what was just happening. But when it hit him, he had no other options but bury his fingers in Sasuke’s soft midnight hair and kiss back with all he had, because _fuck,_ it was Sasuke, _kissing him_ and every other thought vanished from his mind.

He was surrounded by Sasuke’s emotions. His pure relief made Naruto’s chest feel tight like he was about to burst in tears. His desperate desire was so burning that Naruto shuddered. He could feel how much Sasuke wanted this. Wanted _him._ And it made his head spin.

Naruto parted his lips and let Sasuke’s tongue slip in. His taste was intoxicating and Naruto wanted more of it. He _needed_ more of it. And when the same need flooded from Sasuke, Naruto felt his heart explode.

He opened his mouth more and tilted his head to deepen the kiss as much as possible. Their tongues slide against each other hungrily and it felt better than anything. So much better than their last time. Because last time Sasuke had been a client and Naruto had been Menma, but now they were just _them_ , and Sasuke still wanted him. It was unbelievable.

Sasuke’s mouth was eager and hot against his, his hands roaming all over his body, forcing Naruto to stumble backwards until he hit a tree trunk behind him. Without hesitation, Sasuke pinned him against it with his stub, other hand making its way up to Naruto’s neck.

Somewhere in his lust hazed mind Naruto knew they weren’t exactly done talking yet. He still didn’t know what Sasuke really was thinking about him. About this. About anything. But then again, they had never been able to understand one another through words alone. They had always communicated better with their fists. And _oh, fuck..._ Sasuke’s fist in his hair spoke pretty clearly.

Breathy moan escaped Naruto’s lips and he felt Sasuke’s lust spike at that. They could talk more later... Much later... Because right now, Naruto slid his palms over Sasuke’s back, loving the way his hard muscles clenched under his touch. Loving the lethal power that radiated from his body.

Naruto needed to feel Sasuke’s hot skin against his own, but there were too many layers of fabric between them. The cloak was easy enough to get off without breaking the kiss, but the shirt didn’t co-operate as easily. He had only started to open the belt that kept it in place when he felt Sasuke pulling back, much to Naruto’s displease.

“Impatient, aren’t you?” he teased. Naruto hated how composed he still sounded. But Sasuke’s eyes were dark with lust, his face flushed and perfect lips so kiss swollen that it was all Naruto needed to reassure himself that all the want he felt between them wasn’t only his, but Sasuke’s too.

“I have wanted this whole month”, Naruto said, his voice coming out much needier than Naruto would’ve wanted to. Sasuke chuckled darkly, opening the belt easily, lifting the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head with graze that Naruto could only admire.

“Oh, whole month? How patient of you”, he said, tossing the shirt somewhere behind him. Naruto was pretty sure Sasuke was mocking him. But for once, Naruto found he didn’t care enough to start their usual banter. Sasuke was half naked in front of him, his toned chest rising and falling hard with his breathing and Naruto needed to touch it as soon as possible.

But Sasuke was quicker. His hand had found its way under Naruto’s white t-shirt, then in one fluid motion he lifted the hem up and Naruto found himself shirtless.

What followed was more like an assault than anything else, proof that Naruto wasn’t the only impatient one here. Sasuke was all over him, biting and kissing and licking his way up from his collar bone to his neck, running his only palm urgently up and down Naruto’s chest and stomach and sides.

Everything Sasuke touched catch fire until Naruto’s whole skin was burning and he loved it more than anything.

When Sasuke’s thumb brushed over his nipple, Naruto let out a sharp breath. Sasuke snapped his head up to meet Naruto’s gaze. Something dark lit up in his eyes.

“Sensitive, huh?” He smirked devilishly, looking divine. Naruto could only nod.

Fuck, he was sensitive from other areas too, but despite Sasuke’s own visible erection, they hadn’t even touched each other waist down yet. But Naruto wanted Sasuke to initiate that, so he had to wait, no matter how much he hated it.

Naruto forgot his complains as soon as he felt Sasuke’s chakra starting to gather. He swallowed hard and watched almost hypnotized how Sasuke performed few one-handed signs, making small flashes of lightning appear to his fingertips. Nothing Chidori-like, just tiny blue sparks.

Sasuke’s mismatched eyes looked at him questioningly. Naruto felt a coil of anticipation building in his stomach. He bit his lip and nodded again. He was sure he knew exactly what Sasuke was about to do.

“Keep your hands away”, he commanded, and Naruto did as told, braced his hands against the bark of the tree behind him. Sasuke smirked and Naruto felt like he was giving in way too easily, but he honestly couldn’t care. He was way too eager to finally see if this would feel anything like he had imagined.

The first touch of lighting made his skin break sweat and his whole body shivered. It was nothing like he had felt before.

Sasuke’s skilled fingers started to dance lightly over his body, shocks of electricity running from his touch to Naruto’s spine, making him want to squirm. It hurt, but in a way that was so pleasurable Naruto was sure he would lose his mind. It was way better than he had imagined. Every new touch made his dick stir in his pants as Sasuke’s fingers explored his skin, sending those delicious sparks all over him.

“You like this?” Sasuke asked, his breath brushing Naruto’s ear. He could hear his smirk.

“Y-yeah”, Naruto managed. Sasuke hummed in response, kissing the sensitive skin behind Naruto’s earlobe. And then the first spark touched his nipple. Breathy moan escaped his lips without permission.

The contrast between Sasuke’s gentle lips on his neck and the sharp pain of electricity made shockwaves of pleasure run through Naruto’s spine. And Sasuke didn’t stop.

Naruto bit his lip and tried to keep his whimpering inside, but it was hard. He had to dig his nails in the hard bark of the tree and squeezed his eyes shut to keep himself from moving. It felt too good, impossibly good. His breathing became harder and harder, until he was only able to pant helplessly.

Sasuke’s was planting soft kissed all over Naruto’s neck and face and it was so gentle and _loving_ that every kiss made Naruto’s heart shutter. Was this even real? This had to be a dream.

Sasuke’s hand continued working with Naruto’s nipples, altering between light brushes of his thumb and sharp jolts of electricity. Adrenalin rushed in Naruto’s veins and he felt like his very existence would soon catch fire.

And _oh my fucking god_ he couldn’t wait anymore. All the sensations made him almost choke with want and need and he needed to touch Sasuke _now_.

He hadn’t even finished that thought when he felt Sasuke’s chakra retrieve. Naruto opened his eyes just in time to see the flash of doubt in Sasuke’s eyes. It made his gut twist unpleasantly.

“What?” he asked.

“...”

“Sasuke?” His friends eyes were dark with lust, but somehow pained. Insecure.

“Is... Is this really real...?” Sasuke asked, his voice nothing but a rough whisper. His eyes were focused on Naruto’s and he was breathing hard. Naruto let go of the tree and cupped Sasuke’s face in his hands.

“Yeah, this is real”, he said. Sasuke’s skin was hot under his touch. Naruto pulled him closer and kissed his soft lips. His hands travelled to Sasuke’s midnight hair as their tongues intertwined, tenderly, passionately. Sasuke felt suddenly so very fragile. It was scary.

After a while they broke the kiss. Sasuke sighed shakily and rested his forehead against Naruto’s. His hand was gripping Naruto’s shoulder tight, like he was scared to let go. Naruto brushed Sasuke’s cheek gently. He didn’t know what had caused his friends feelings. His insecurity, his fear, his guilt. But he would do anything to make them go away.

“It’s okay, Sasuke”, he said carefully. He didn’t know the right words. But Sasuke took in a deep breath so he kept going. “This is real. I’m here and this is real and it’s okay, Sasuke...” 

“...sorry.” Sasuke sighed. “I just... This just feels so unreal...”

“Believe me, I know”, Naruto said. Unreal was just the word to describe this. “I never thought you’d actually want to...” he trailed off.

“Never?” Sasuke asked. “Really?” He looked at Naruto, almost amused now.

“I mean, I _hoped_ , but... Y’know?” Naruto bit his lip. His heart was beating fast and somehow he felt stupid, but at least Sasuke was starting to look better again, and it was something, wasn’t it? Just now he could feel a bit stupid if it meant Sasuke would be okay.

“Usuratonkachi ”, Sasuke huffed. He let go of Naruto’s shoulder and cupped his head instead. Then they kissed again and it felt like Sasuke was finally able to relax, his doubts giving way to lust as their kiss gradually grew deeper and more frantic.

Naruto would have been a bit annoyed that Sasuke’s mood had seemed to get better with him being somehow idiot again, if his body hadn’t responded so instantly to Sasuke’s changed emotions. He let out a breathless moan when Sasuke pinned him to the tree again and without thinking he grab Sasuke’s firm ass into his hands and pull him closer.

They both groaned when their still clothed erections pressed together and Naruto couldn’t help but flex his hips to get even more of that much needed friction.

“Naruto... I want to fuck you”, Sasuke panted to his ear, rolling his hips against Naruto’s with desperate urgency. 

“Oh, god... _please_!” Naruto found himself answering. He was unbelievably hard again and Sasuke’s hand on his skin felt so good and Sasuke’s cock against his own made him want to rip the rest of their clothes away as soon as humanly possible.

“Then turn around”, Sasuke commanded. And oh, Naruto absolutely _hated_ how that tone went straight to his dick. He clearly wasn’t reacting fast enough, because the next thing he knew was Sasuke flipping him around, Naruto’s shinobi reflexes only thing that prevented him slamming his face into the tree.

Somehow Sasuke had gotten rid of their pants at the process. Their naked bodies were pressed tightly together and it felt so good to feel him like this, bare and hard against him. Sasuke’s arms were running down his sides, better arm stopping to rest above his hip and Naruto felt Sasuke’s hot breath against his neck.

“Fuck, Naruto...” Sasuke cursed. He shifted his hips so Naruto could feel his throbbing erection brushing his ass. Naruto pressed into the touch, arching his back, and he heard Sasuke moan under his breath. It sounded incredible.

He spread his legs to allow Sasuke a better access, and soon he felt his hand to move from his hip to his ass and _oh,_ Naruto felt how it slide to his cleft. He spread his legs even more and shivered at the feel of Sasuke’s fingers brushing over his pucker.

“You want this, don’t you?” Sasuke asked, his breath tickling Naruto’s ear. His fingers were circling Naruto’s hole and Naruto had to restrain himself from immediately pushing against them.

“You know it ah... already”, Naruto whispered. There was no way Sasuke couldn’t feel the only emotions that were currently making Naruto’s mind and body and whole being tremble wantonly.

“Say it”, Sasuke insisted. The sudden spike of insecurity in his voice didn’t go unnoticed by Naruto. And if Sasuke still needed reassurance, he would have it.

“I want this”, Naruto said hastily, impatiently “I–I want you.” And with that, Sasuke pushed his finger inside, wrenching a stained moan from Naruto. It felt amazing. Not so much the finger itself, but to think that it was Sasuke, Sasuke’s finger, slowly fucking him open... It was almost enough to make Naruto cum on the spot.

He held the tree trunk for his dear life when Sasuke added second finger and started to hit his prostate with almost every thrust. Sasuke’s fingers inside him and his hot breath against his neck were making Naruto crazy. He pushed back to Sasuke’s thrusts, but it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough. And he was ready enough already.

"Y–you don't need to... ah...prep me that... ah... much", Naruto panted in a breathy voice. Sasuke’s fingers stopped and Naruto felt him lean closer.

"You really are a whore, aren't you?" Sasuke hissed to his ear, every word suddenly sharp like a whiplash, his lust-filled voice mix of disbelief and anger.

On some level Naruto knew he maybe shouldn’t have done what he did next. But Sasuke’s voice had sounded so unbelievably sexy to Naruto that he didn’t know what else he could do at this point. He wanted to hear him just like that again, _angry_ with him _._ So he pushed forward.

“Yeah... I really am”, he breathed, looking over his shoulder smirking. And the surge of angry possessiveness in Sasuke’s eyes took his breath away. Sasuke bite Naruto’s neck hard, thrusting his fingers in him once more before pulling them out completely.

“Then I’m going to treat you like one”, he snarled dangerously. And oh, it sounded just perfect! Naruto felt his dick leaking with anticipation and his whole body trembled as Sasuke gripped his hips painfully, digging his fingers deep in Naruto’s skin.

“Please”, he breathed out. He was almost light-headed with arousal, he needed _more._ He was so hard that he could feel his pulse ticking in his cock. The dark feel of Sasuke’s chakra behind him. His scent. His dangerously angry and possessive energy. Warmth of his body. Everything just felt too much. 

Sasuke let go of his hip for a second and Naruto closed his eyes. His cock was twitching and leaking heavily and Naruto was sure he wouldn’t last long. He heard how Sasuke tear open something that must have been a condom wrapper and soon he felt the tip of Sasuke’s lube-coated cock against his hole. Long moan escaped his throat.

“You want this?” Sasuke asked. His voice was dark and harsh, but almost dripping with lust.

“Oh, god... please, just...” Naruto was too far gone to be ashamed by his pleading voice. “Please just... fuck me, S’ke!” He was shaking with anticipation. He hadn’t wanted anyone to fuck him that much in his entirely life. His whole body was on fire. He simply _needed_ Sasuke inside him as soon as humanly possible.

He heard Sasuke grunt, and then he slammed in with one, hard thrust.

“Shit!” Naruto cried out. It was so sudden that it burned, he hit his forehead to the tree he was holding, but he really didn’t care. He only pushed back to take Sasuke in deeper. Because yes, this, _this_ was perfect, this was everything, this was Sasuke who was so powerful that could force the whole world to its knees if he wanted to and Naruto had had no idea he could be so turned on by that simple fact, but _oh my god_ he was!

He looked over his shoulder and met Sasuke’s intense gaze. He was breathing heavily, his body absolutely still. His eyes were dark and angry and so full of lust that there was no doubt whether or not he wanted this as bad as Naruto.

Why the hell they had waited so long to do this? How had Naruto ever thought he could settle with anything lesser than this? That anyone other than Sasuke could be _enough_ for him?

It could only be Sasuke. He knew it now.

Naruto arched his back more and pushed against Sasuke, who finally seemed to gather himself enough to withdraw and immediately slam back in. He grabbed Naruto’s hips roughly again and leaned closer, so that they were tightly pressed together. And Naruto loved how hot and hard Sasuke’s body was against him, how perfectly they fit like this. He felt Sasuke’s breath in his neck.

“Fuck, Naruto, how can you still feel so fucking _good_?” Sasuke spitted to his ear. Then he started to really move, thrusting in with force, building up speed until he was fucking Naruto with relentless pace that was almost too much.

“Ha–harder... S’ke”, Naruto found himself pleading, despite himself.

And Sasuke obeyed groaning, hitting harder and harder with all of his strength. He had started to pant and his grip of Naruto’s hip was bruisingly tight and Naruto felt Sasuke’s chakra around them pulsing with the rhythm of their brutal fucking. He had wanted this so much, so fucking much and now Sasuke was finally fucking him, leaning hard against him and Naruto pushed back to meet his every single thrusts.

Then Sasuke changed the angle just a bit, and Naruto saw stars.

“Ah, that’s it!” He felt his balls starting to tighten as Sasuke was now hitting his prostate with each thrust. He bit his lip and tasted blood in his mouth and clenched his fingers harder into the bark, because he wasn’t sure how long his legs would support him anymore. He was close, so close...

Naruto’s whole being was focused on this moment alone. He could only hear their panting, their bodies slapping together, only feel Sasuke inside him, over him. The pleasure he felt was beyond this world. His body was so on edge it was almost painful.

And then Sasuke reached over and took Naruto’s angrily throbbing cock into his firm grip and he bit Naruto’s neck hard and thrust with even more force and it was all that Naruto needed to send him over the edge.

His orgasm hit him hard, white-hot pleasure washing through him, making him shudder and moan and cry as his cum spilled onto Sasuke’s hand and on the tree trunk. He might have called Sasuke’s name but he couldn’t know, because that moment he felt Sasuke lose his rhythm, heard his curses as he thrust into him violently few more times and it made Naruto tremble with the second wave of pleasure. They ride their orgasms clinging desperately together, before finally collapsing breathlessly to the ground.

\---

Sasuke still didn't know what he was supposed to feel. But he knew what he _did_ feel, now. They were lying on top of Sasuke's black cloak, leaning their backs on the tree trunk in the middle of a fucking forest, still naked, still together, because they both _wanted_ to. Naruto's hand was running on Sasuke’s skin and the soft touch made him almost ticklish, but he didn't want Naruto to stop.

Because they _both_ wanted this.

All kinds of foreign, warm emotions bubbled inside him making him want to smile. He didn't though, because after everything that just happened he felt like he had only few ways of maintaining his dignity. His facial expressions he could keep under control, unlike his emotions, apparently.

He hadn’t expected to be so vulnerable, so angry, so violent, so immensely _desperate_ , but Naruto had took it all without a blink. Sasuke had prepared for another rejection. But instead... 

He looked at the naked man beside him. Hard and soft contours of Naruto’s caramel coloured body. Sensual curve of his neck that Sasuke had carefully marked with hickies and bruises. His pink lips that he had kissed only a while ago.

For one painful moment he had thought it was all his own Genjutsu. His mind hadn’t dared to believe the reality. That Naruto would actually _want_ him. But Naruto had grounded him immediately, without even knowing it.

Naruto hadn't asked yet, but he would sooner or later. And Sasuke didn't want to answer. He didn't want to tell why he hadn't recognised Naruto back then, why he had still called out his name. He absolutely did not want to tell him how painfully pathetic he had been. How utterly foolish. 

He knew he would tell if Naruto asked. 

But for now, Naruto had been suspiciously quiet. Just looking at Sasuke, trailing his hands along his body, brows slightly furrowed. Sasuke didn't mind. He enjoyed his time studying Naruto as well. It was surreal to finally see him like this. To know that he could touch him if he liked. 

In this exact moment Sasuke felt _happy_. 

It didn't occur often, so he wanted to enjoy it while it lasted. Without thinking how uncertain the future still was. How many hardships it surely would have for them. He only wanted to indulge himself with the idea that there was _them_ like this, fucking finally. 

His eyes met Naruto's sky-blue gaze. It was pathetic how it made his heart shutter. But Naruto had something on his mind.

"Spit it out", Sasuke sighed.

"Um... so, this means you... like me?" Naruto asked hesitantly. Sasuke scoffed. If he had been a fool, Naruto was still thousand times worse.

No, he did not _like_ Naruto. Naruto was loud and obnoxious and frustratingly persistent idiot, who did not give up even if he should have. He was irritatingly hyperactive knucklehead with zero instinct of self preservation, always running head first to danger. He was childish and naive and so full of light that it almost made Sasuke's eyes hurt when he looked at his sapphire gaze that saw right into his soul. Naruto was like sunshine, like burning fire. He was wild force of nature, a whirlpool that changed everything that crossed his path. He was warm and kind and caring and possibly the only person alive who could make Sasuke feel... Just _feel_. He absolutely did not _like_ Naruto.

"What do you think after what we just did?" Sasuke asked instead of sharing his thoughts.

“Dunno, you could probably hate me too based on that”, Naruto said, but he didn’t mean it. He was practically beaming. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner, though?”

"Do you have some kind of selective amnesia or are you really saying you didn't see it in me?” Sasuke asked, trying to prevent his own lips from responding to Naruto’s smile. “Didn’t you feel it in me at the Valley of the End?"

"Teme! I don't have amnesia! I just didn't..."

"Think?" Sasuke asked sarcastically, letting himself finally smirk a bit.

"Yeah... Hey! I'm not stupid!" Naruto fumed.

“You said that, not me”, Sasuke pointed, allowing his smirk to grow naturally. Like he could have stopped it.

"I did see it”, if you must know”, Naruto said after pouting a while. “And feel it too, I guess. I just... thought it was what our bond was. Friendship, because what else?" He looked somewhat embarrassed. "Guess I was kinda naive back then." ¨

“Hn”, Sasuke responded and leaned himself closer against his sunshine blonde. It felt stupidly good and he didn’t know how he was allowed to be this happy after everything he had done.

Birds sang in the trees and setting sun flickered through the trunks colouring the whole forest with its warm glow. Naruto’s skin looked almost orange like this and it somehow made Sasuke want to smile.

“Oh shit! I was supposed to be at work right now!” And just like that Sasuke’s happiness was stained. Naruto jumped up and started to gather his clothes from where they had abandoned them earlier. Sasuke felt his blood starting to boil.

“You are going back?” He tried to keep his voice steady and nonchalant, but it didn’t keep his possessive anger from surging. Naruto was _not_ going back to that place, if Sasuke had anything to say–

“To tell them I don’t work there anymore, teme”, Naruto cut him off. “I’m not _that_ stupid, y’know?”

Oh, so Naruto could read him that well if he wanted to? And agreed so easily?

_Thank god!_

“Hn”, Sasuke grunted and started to dress up too.

Because he didn’t want to say those things aloud. He didn’t want to say how embarrassingly furious he felt at the idea of Naruto with anyone else. In the past, present or future.

It wasn’t his right to get angry for things Naruto had done in the past. Sasuke was sure he could even understand Naruto’s ridiculous logic behind his choices if he tried to. And for the present and the future, well... They hadn’t exactly made any promises yet.

But there was no way Naruto would be anything but _his_ from now on.

“So, um... Could we see more often now?” Naruto asked almost sheepishly. “Because I’m not prepared to wait another year before–“ Sasuke cut him off with a kiss. It felt too great to be able to finally do it like this.

“Me neither, ushuratonkachi”, he breathed in Naruto’s mouth, before pulling off of him. “I’ll write when I’m around again.”

“Good”, Naruto sighed. And Sasuke’s chest twisted at the mix of hope and excitement and disappointment he felt from Naruto. It seemed like they had agreed some things silently. Accepted bittersweet facts. Sasuke was glad that they didn't need to say those things aloud though. It would only hurt them both.

They would be together. That was the only thing that really mattered. And they would meet more often. But Naruto must’ve realised that Sasuke couldn’t come back to Konoha any time soon. Just like Sasuke knew Naruto couldn't leave the village for long.

But there was one more thing to agree.

“This has to be a secret, you know that right?” Sasuke said. For a briefest moment Naruto looked surprised, but then his face slide into passive acceptance.

“Yeah, I know...” he said bleakly. It was almost painful for Sasuke to hear. But it was for the good of Naruto.

It was somewhat okay for them to be friends publicly. Naruto had forced everyone to accept it over the years. But anything more would damage Naruto’s reputation too much, and Sasuke couldn’t let that happen. Naruto deserved his dream of becoming a Hokage to come true. Sasuke would hate himself even more than the village would if he ever prevented that from happening.

And for once, Naruto didn't seem to argue. For once, he was logical instead of naively trusting. Sasuke didn't feel disappointed by it. He didn't. 

It was better like this, for both of them.

“By the way”, Naruto said interrupting Sasuke’s brooding, leaning his back to the disturbingly stained tree trunk they had used before. “I still have two days of my vacation left.” He looked at him and grinned unbelievably seductively. “Have any plans?”

“I do now”, Sasuke said, and firmly decided not to think about anything else but those two days, because he already knew that for days like those, he could endure anything.

\---TBC---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, any comments? Did you like it?
> 
> The next chapter will be a bit different than others, because I'm going to switch to Sakura's POV for a while (not for the entire chapter though, I suppose). See you then!


	8. Just Too Obvious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late!! 
> 
> I've been super busy with studying and then too tired to do anything creative, and honestly this chapter had been quite hard to write for some reason. I don't know if its because this is first time I'm writing Sakura's POV or something... 
> 
> Not much happens in this chapter, but I hope its still interesting enough for you.
> 
> And thank you so much about all the kudos and comments! I really appreciate them!!

**8\. Just Too Obvious**

Birds had only just started to sing and morning dew was still on the ground when Sakura was slouching home from hospital. She was exhausted. Somehow her standard day-shift had yet again morphed into this monstrous double-shift with whole night at the ER. For the third time this week. How it always kept happening, was a mystery to her. (It probably had something to do with the fact that she absolutely loved her job.)

She was just about to take a turn to her home street when a familiar golden head appeared into her view. Every plan she had for the day (sleep, eat, sleep some more) got immediately postponed. Naruto had come home from his trip and Sakura just had to know. No matter how tired she was.

“Did he found you?” she rushed to ask before Naruto even managed to notice her.

Sakura had been more worried over her two friends in last two days than she had in years. Or well, she had worried the whole last month, to be honest. But last days had been the worst. She didn’t know for sure what had happened between her teammates, but she had seen both of them suffering from it. Poor Sasuke had seemed so sad and confused, almost _rejected_ that Sakura had begun to fear the worst, but after he had left the village Naruto had become miserable too, so she really didn’t know what to think.

In her books, Sasuke and Naruto weren’t meant to be miserable for one another anymore. She had been very close to just go after Sasuke and force him back to Konoha so he and Naruto could made up, when the Uchiha had came back on his own. And Sakura had just known that if Sasuke wouldn’t find Naruto right away, it could take months, if not _years_ before his ridiculous pride would let him try to make up again. So of course Naruto had been out of the village and god knows where.

But as Sakura now studied Naruto’s face, she couldn’t help but smile. She had been worrying for nothing. And Naruto didn’t even have an arm missing this time around, which to her was a clear sign that the boys had maybe matured just a bit. Thank goodness for that.

“Sasuke-kun managed to found you?” she asked again, just to confirm what was already displayed in front of her. And like she had thought, Naruto’s wide grin grew even wider.

“Yeah, he found me”, Naruto sighed happily.

“Serves him right to run after you for a change, don’t you think?” she smirked. Ino had pointed it out, but at the time it had only made her sad. Sasuke treating Naruto horribly first didn’t give Naruto any right to do the same to him later, she had thought. But now that everything seemed to be okay again, she felt like making fun of it just a little. She elbowed Naruto playfully. “He came here first, you know, to look for you. Did he mention it?”

“Eh? Guess we didn’t really speak that much– Uh, I m-mean we– He–“ Naruto stuttered, his face promptly turning bright red. Sakura raised a brow. 

“You didn’t speak much?” Sakura asked innocently, as she examined Naruto from head to toe. If she was right (which she almost certainly was) there were exactly two options of what had happened between those two. Either they were best friends again, or–

“Ha-ha, you know Sasuke, not much a talker”, Naruto said, making a face that Sakura suspected was meant to look casual. It didn’t. “How come? Did– Did he say something?” Naruto was fiddling the straps of his backpack nervously, looking somewhere behind Sakura’s head in obvious attempt to avoid her eyes.

Could it really be the second option? Sakura didn’t want to draw conclusions too hastily, but if Naruto’s behaviour was any indicator...

“No, he didn’t say anything special” she said aloud, studying Naruto’s face carefully.

“Okay good, uh, I mean– Just okay”, Naruto said, still blushing like his ex-girlfriend. Now Sakura was almost certain it was the second option. Sasuke had really done it. And Naruto had... accepted?

But before she could start to grill him for some serious answers, Naruto cut off her thoughts by exclaiming in utter relieve: “Hey! It’s Lee and Guy-sensei!”

Sakura looked at the direction Naruto was furiously waving, to see two green figures approaching, both running with their hands. She sighed. While she was more than eager to tease Naruto a little more, she was definitely still too tired to interact with those two and their ‘youthful energy’. 

“Well, I’m glad that you and Sasuke-kun made up”, she said to Naruto promptly. “Let’s have lunch tomorrow so you can tell me _everything_ about it.” She flashed an innocent grin to Naruto’s nervous expression and turned to leave before Guy and Lee were close enough to stop her fleeing.

As she made the rest of her way to home, she couldn’t help but wonder, whether Sasuke had really managed to confess to Naruto. It surely looked like it, because if they were still just friends, Naruto’s furious blushing and nervous fidgeting didn’t make any sense.

If those two could just _talk_ to her, everything would be lot easier, she thought as she opened the front door and entered to her childhood home. Her parents were having a breakfast and she greeted them absentmindedly on her way to her room t undress. As open as Naruto was, sometimes he behaved frustratingly secretively. And Sasuke... Sasuke didn’t share anything voluntarily if he could avoid it.

But thank god Sasuke wasn’t exactly her problem anymore!

Sakura stepped into the shower and started to shampoo her hair. Sasuke had stopped being her problem over a year ago. At first it had been hard for her to admit. But who could blame her? She had spent all her teenage years convinced that Sasuke was the love of her life. And that given enough time, Sasuke _would_ acknowledge her feelings and _learn_ to love her back.

She had been so naive to think that things would work like that.

It had took few months spend alone with Sasuke before she had realized that he hadn’t ignored her confessions just because he was reserved or scared or not ready or any of those things Sakura had told herself before. He wasn’t someone she could ‘save with her love’ like she had naively thought. Sasuke just wasn’t interested.

And moreover, Sasuke was already stupidly in love with Naruto, and there were no room for anyone else in his heart. Not in the same way.

It still made Sakura cringe whenever she remembered how shocked she had been. Because it really wasn’t that surprising if one really thought about it. If you didn’t count Sasuke’s brother, Naruto had always been the only one that mattered to Sasuke. In good and bad. That he was in love with him was only the most natural explanation to that.

Of course Sasuke hadn’t actually _said_ anything to her, oh no. It would have been too out of character. And Sakura had really doubted whether he would say anything even to Naruto, to be honest.

But it had been too obvious to be ignored.

The way Sasuke talked about Naruto, the way he smiled for him... Oh, back then Sakura could have given up on anything if Sasuke would’ve even once acted so _gently_ towards her. Naruto was one lucky bastard.

As an attentive fangirl, she knew Sasuke had never smiled that often to begin with. Not even as a kid. And he’d definitely _never_ smiled like that to anyone, so gently, dark eyes full of poorly hidden affection...

Naruto deserved all of it.

Sakura stepped out of the shower drying herself with a towel. She had needed couple of impossibly embarrassing rebound hook-ups to get on her feet again. But fortunately Kiba was even more determined to act like nothing had happened than she was, and her other _misjudgement_ had happened safely outside of Konoha, so it had all become normal relatively easily.

She had finally let go of Sasuke.

 _Thank god Naruto had been smart enough to break up with Hinata on his own_ , Sakura thought for the umpteenth time, as she climbed to her bed and curled in a comfortable position. She would’ve never forgiven herself if they had married and started a family or something only because she had been stupid enough to set them up when she didn’t know better. It would’ve been too cruel to everyone involved.

Not that Sakura herself really _was_ involved in any meaningful way. But as Ino had once said, it was always so much more fun to speculate other people’s love lives than to think about one’s own. And besides, Sasuke and Naruto were her two best friends, and that basically meant that she had exclusive permission to know what they were up to. 

She would always help them, in any way possible. And if she was right, if Sasuke had really confessed to Naruto, and if Naruto had accepted it, they would soon need any help they could get.

But it was too early to start to worry about _that,_ Sakura decided sleepily. She needed to be sure first. And then maybe sped few days just being happy for them. Happy _with_ them.

She fell asleep with a smile on her lips.

\---

Two days later Sakura and Naruto were finally having lunch at Ichiraku, and Sakura could hardly wait to make their orders before starting to question her friend.

Naruto’s good mood had stayed unchanged and it was energizing to watch. He was absolutely beaming, smiling to every direction and to everybody, not even bothered by the adoring glances the other patrons at Ichiraku were giving him, like he usually would.

He looked so ecstatic, that it actually made Sakura doubt whether she had seen him being truly happy in a long time. When smile was something Naruto always wore so easily even for the most mundane things, it was hard to keep in mind that he could smile even _more_ when he really felt like it.

Guilt twisted in her stomach. Before the whole _whatever_ with Sasuke, Naruto had looked happy enough to her, but compared to this, it suddenly felt fake and empty. How hadn’t she noticed it before? She made a mental note to be more observant friend now on, no matter how busy and tired she sometimes was. Naruto always noticed when she was feeling even a little bit down, so it was only fair if she could do the same for him.

They got their respective ramen dishes, and Naruto was in the middle of telling her how the plant Gaara had given him had turned out to be a tomato and how he would probably have to start eating tomatoes from now on, when Sakura couldn’t hold her tongue anymore.

“So, what did you guys do when Sasuke-kun found you”, she asked, cutting Naruto off mid-sentence. She’d thought it was relatively neutral start, casual even. She hadn’t expected Naruto to almost choke on his noodles for it.

“Uh, talked n’ stuff, y’know”, Naruto managed to answer after couching violently for a good while. Then he abruptly changed the subject: “How’s Tsunade-baachan? Haven’t seen her in _ages_ when she’s at the hospital all the time!”

“She’s fine. What did you talk about?” Sakura asked, remembering quite well that Naruto had said they _hadn’t_ talked that much. The colour on Naruto’s face could be the result of couching, but more likely he was just blushing again.

“Just normal stuff. We’re okay now, so no need to worry”, Naruto answered far too quickly, deciding that his noodles were suddenly the most interesting thing to look at.

Sakura sighed and took a mouthful of noodles. Whether she was right or not, _something_ significant had happened, and while chewing her food, she tried to think a way to make Naruto spill the beans, without actually _asking._

She was fairly sure that if Sasuke _hadn’t_ confessed to Naruto yet, she would be as good as dead if she would reveal it to Naruto by accident. Sasuke probably wouldn’t like the idea of her knowing about his feelings for Naruto at all, even if he did such a poor job concealing them in front of her. So she needed to be a hundred percent sure before directly asking anything.

“Are you going to write to him again?” she asked finally, for lack of better question.

“Probably not for a while”, Naruto sighed honestly. Then he looked like regretting his honesty and started to grin like an idiot. “Nee, Sakura-chan, can we please not talk about Sasuke anymore? Now that we are finally on a date together.” Naruto wiggled his brows suggestively, and Sakura’s first reaction was to splash Naruto face first to his ramen bowl.

_That stupid, stupid idiot!_

She settled for smacking the back of his head. Naruto yelped as protest, but Sakura just went back to her own bowl. Try to fool her by pretending to flirt? She had thought that they didn’t do such things anymore.

She didn’t talk about Sasuke for the rest of the lunch, though. Soon enough Naruto relaxed into their normal chatter, his fake grin melting into a real one, and Sakura couldn’t help but notice that Naruto really was much happier than in a long time. It made her happier too.

Although Sakura was a little pissed that Naruto didn’t seem to want to confide in her, she had to admit that he had right to keep his secrets. For a while, that is. She was sure she would find it out eventually anyway.

\---

As days passed, Sakura once again buried herself into her work, and it seemed like Naruto was doing the same. He was literally all over the place. Every time Sakura as much as looked outside of her office window, she saw at least one Naruto running somewhere with a big smile on his face. He had focused all his happy energy to his studies, to his missions, to charity work and tutoring at the Academy. It was good to see him like that.

But when days started to turn into weeks, Sakura saw how Naruto started to grow restless and anxious again. Now that she was really keeping an eye on him, it was easy to notice how his smiles became just a bit strained, his temper just a bit shorter. She didn’t know why, and every time she had tried to ask, Naruto had just dismissed her concern and changed the subject.

Still, as much as Naruto tried to act normally, something was bothering him.

Sakura was spending her rare free afternoon watching with Ino, Sai and Hinata how Naruto and Kiba sparred, and from that alone it was easy to tell that Naruto had lost his focus again _._ Sakura rested her head on the training field’s low fence and felt sorry for him.

Kiba and Naruto were usually pretty equal in taijutsu battles like this (Naruto had two clones cause Kiba had Akamaru), but now Kiba blocked Naruto’s every kick, Akamaru got easily rid of his clones and overall they were just so imbalanced in Kiba’s favour that it was ridiculous.

“What the fuck, man!” Kiba yelled, when another of his attacks hit its target due Naruto’s unplanned decisions. “You can’t beg me to spar with you and then be like this! What’s wrong with you?”

 _Sasuke is wrong with him again, somehow,_ Sakura thought.

“Sorry!” Naruto yelled back while jumping away from Akamaru’s jaws. But he hadn’t noticed Kiba moving behind him, and soon enough he was hit back first to the ground, Kiba’s fist hovering over his face.

“Don’t ask again before you got your shit together”, Kiba snorted while he helped Naruto up. “Let’s go Hinata. We can watch that movie you wanted to.” And with that, he eyed Naruto somewhat challengingly, walked to blushing Hinata and led her away holding her hand.

“Wow, so those two really are together”, Naruto said after the pair had disappeared from sight.

“They sure are”, Sakura confirmed. For Kiba’s part, it had been long coming, and Sakura was so happy that Hinata had given him a chance. It looked like they fit together just nicely. Much better than Naruto and Hinata ever. (Or she and Kiba, that went without saying.)

“But it isn’t official yet, so don’t walk around advertising it”, Ino warned Naruto. “You should know how her clan feels about dating outsiders.”

“Nah, it should be easier now that I broke the ice for him”, Naruto chuckled, completely ignoring Ino’s glare. “They’re just happy it’s not me again.”

“That is probably true”, Sai commented thoughtfully. “You broke her heart, after all, and I’ve understood it’s quite traumatic experience.”

“Don’t say it like that, it makes me uncomfortable”, Naruto whined rubbing his neck.

“It should”, Ino said sternly, before smiling again. “But she’s happy now, so you’re off the hook. Besides, I think it’s only healthy to get over one’s childhood crushes now that we’re all adults, right Sakura?” She winked at her mischievously, and only laughed at Sakura’s embarrassment.

“We should get going too”, Sai said to Ino as the girl had stopped her giggling. “I believe we promised to your mother to make the dinner this time.”

“Oh shit, you’re right!” Ino jumped up and brushed crass off her skirt. “See you later Sakura, Naruto”, she said, and with that, she and Sai were on their way. Sakura sighed as she watched them go. She was lucky to have Naruto to keep her company, when all her other friends were coupling up like that.

“Who’d have thought that out of the whole team seven, Sai is the first one in a steady relationship”, Naruto pondered. Sakura was just about to agree, when she saw something at the sky.

Sasuke’s hawk.

Naruto noticed it too, and suddenly a bright grin spread to his face. Of course. And when the hawk landed in Naruto’s stretched arm and he read the message, his grin grew even wider.

“What does he say?” Sakura asked, trying to peak over Naruto’s shoulder. Sasuke rarely wrote to anyone if he hadn’t a specific reason.

“Um, just – Just that he captured that rogue Suna had been worried about”, Naruto said promptly, shifting away from Sakura.

“Why did he write to _you_ about that?” Sakura asked, already knowing Naruto was lying. Sasuke didn’t even rapport to Kakashi-sensei things like that, let alone to Naruto, let alone something that didn’t even concern Konoha.

“I asked him to...?”

 _Oh, fine, just keep lying if you like_ , Sakura thought and rolled her eyes.

\---

Coordinates. Naruto had studied enough to pinpoint them to the Land of Fire. So not too far. And a short message: _in a week, for a week._ No signing. But even without Sasuke’s summoning he could have made the right guess. Sasuke’s neat handwriting was just too recognizable.

He pocketed the message quickly to keep it away from Sakura’s curious eyes. She had teased him enough already, and Naruto knew he would spill if she kept going. He was a bad liar, and he really wanted to tell Sakura everything, but he and Sasuke had agreed to keep it as a secret. So he would.

And honestly, he didn’t know how Sakura would even react if he told it to her.

While she was probably the only one who could understand him in this, at the same time it was part of the problem. She had said that there was only a friendship now, but she had loved Sasuke for so long. Would she be jealous? Would it somehow damage _their_ relationship? Sakura was like a sister to her, and bare thought of losing their easy dynamics truly scared Naruto.

So he ignored Sakura’s knowing gaze and made an effort to turn her attention to anywhere else than Sasuke. And soon enough they were happily chatting about Ino’s absurd psychology project with Sai (as Sakura described their relationship), about the new restaurant that had opened near the Academy and just about anything, like they so often used to.

But Sasuke’s message burned in Naruto’s pocket and while laughing with Sakura, he couldn’t help but recall his schedule in his head to make sure he had at least some free days in a week from now.

\---

_‘Reply only if you can’t make it, so I know I can change my plans if needed. Otherwise I’ll wait you.’_

Sasuke’s words echoed in Naruto’s head. It was hard to keep from smiling, hard to keep sitting still and studying. Sasuke was waiting him. Had been waiting for two days now, and would still have to wait one more before Naruto could leave Konoha.

Fortunately Sasuke had other things to do at the area than just waiting, since he had said he would contact only when his missions led him nearby. Naruto kinda regretted that he hadn’t asked what those missions were, but he really hadn’t lied to Sakura earlier when he had told her that they hadn’t really talked that much.

After that first day, they had only established something vague about communication. Sasuke would tell him the place and time-window, and Naruto would come there if he could, or inform Sasuke if he couldn’t. It wasn’t ideal, not nearly enough, but it was all they could have for now. Naruto had decided to focus on the positive.

And it really wasn’t that hard. Warm feeling filled him every time he thought about those two days he had spent with Sasuke. Knowing that he could still have more days like those was all he needed, really. Knowing that Sasuke wanted those days as much as he did.

Instead of getting a room in the village, they had stayed in the forest. Naruto had wanted to avoid any connection between him and the village for the fear of someone figuring out his workplace there. ( _Former workplace_ , he reminded himself. Even without actually saying it, Sasuke had made it pretty clear that he wasn’t keen on sharing. Not that Naruto minded.) Weather had been nice and Naruto had always liked sleeping outside during the missions anyway, so it hadn’t been a problem. Sasuke hadn’t objected either.

There had been lots of decidedly comfortable silences, where they had just laid together enjoying each other’s company. Occasionally Naruto had filled the silence with news about Konoha or about his work and studies and stuff like that, and Sasuke had offered him small comments here and there. But mostly they had stayed silent, feeling each other’s feelings and being too amazed by them to say anything. Just being close had been enough.

Their new physical proximity hadn’t been new at all, Naruto had found out. It had felt exactly as natural as it had felt when they had slept in each other’s arms during Sasuke’s imprisonment. Only it had been better, for neither of them now having nightmares. Actually, Naruto couldn’t remember the last time he had slept so peacefully.

And they had sparred too. Sasuke had decided that because training was Naruto’s cover-up story, they needed to train for real. And Naruto had been pretty happy about that, because sparring and training with Sasuke had always been his favorite thing to do. Well, second favorite now, but still on the top of his list.

Sasuke’s fighting style had evolved since last time Naruto had seen it, and he had been really eager to learn every new way his friend was using his abilities. Especially Sasuke’s Rinnegan fascinated Naruto in all its uniqueness. He had enjoyed immensely that he had been able to let it all out. The forest had offered them enough space and distance from civilisation that they hadn’t needed to worry about their surroundings. Naruto had been able to _really fight_ , unlike he could in Konoha.

And seeing Sasuke fight like that too... It had made him really notice that something had changed between two of them. Something that maybe should have changed a long time ago.

The pull he felt towards Sasuke was the same as before. The fascination he felt for his strength and kills was the same. Their rivalry was the same, he still wanted to win, one up him in every way possible. The way his heart beat faster, the way he felt adrenaline rush through his veins, all of it was like before. He felt alive and his concentration was focused solely on one single point: his dark-haired friend who moved like he was dancing some sort of deadly dance that could hypnotize anyone who watched too long. (Like it really could.)

But for the first time ever, Naruto had been able to watch Sasuke and fight him without feeling uncomfortably confused and contradicted, like he had always before. Previously he had thought it had something to do with him not really wanting to fight Sasuke, not wanting to hurt him. But then it shouldn’t have felt like that when they had been fighting on the same side.

Only when the feeling had disappeared, he had understood what it had been about, although he should have guessed it sooner. It had been his internal struggle with the suffocated knowledge that he actually _wanted_ him. In every possible way. And that every manifestation of Sasuke’s power was a _huge_ turn on for Naruto.

And it had seemed it worked other way around too, for Sasuke had been every bit as eager as him to turn Naruto’s former escalated sparring fantasies into reality. If not for Kurama, their first fight would have ended really explosively.

 ** _“I would rather DIE than be part of_** **THAT _in any way”,_** he had growled before retreating and closing down all of his chakra flow so abruptly that Naruto had fell down mid jump when his Kurama-mode had vanished. To be fair, Naruto had somehow totally forgotten how connected he and Kurama were while fighting.

After that, he and Sasuke had silently agreed that he wouldn’t use Kurama’s chakra ever again while sparring alone together. Because just like in Naruto’s fantasies, it seemed like things tended to _escalate._

It had been absolutely amazing, and two days had gone by way too fast. 

Naruto could hardly wait to see him again. But his exam to test if had studied enough to be qualified as jounin was supposed to take place soon, so he needed to spend every minute Shikamaru had scheduled for his studying being extra focused. So he brushed away his anticipation and buried his head into the books once again.

He didn’t need the rank, but he needed the recognition of his knowledge. Otherwise the council would never allow him to be appointed a Hokage candidate, no matter what he had done during the war. And while he had been reluctant to study at first (because he really, _really_ hated it), this was the one thing he fully agreed with said council.

He knew that all of his power and influence weren’t enough if he didn’t know what to do with them. And he hadn’t live his life in the middle of the politics as the Hokage’s son like Gaara had, so there were lots and lots of things he hadn’t bothered learning before.

He needed to know the hierarchies, finer power structures and past alliances. He needed to know how burocracy worked, in Konoha and other villages. He needed to know what the dynamics between Daimyo and the village were. Who controlled what and why. He needed to know the history of the world he was living, he needed to know how it affected its present. He needed to know everything well enough, so that he wouldn’t need to rely on Shikamaru in every turn.

Naruto didn’t know whether he could do it. Sometimes he felt like nothing stayed in his head , that he forget everything he had read as soon as he closed the book. But Shikamaru had reassured him that he was making progress.

So he kept going. If he wanted to become a Hokage, if he wanted to change things he would need to. And he was more determined than in a long time. 

\---

Late at the next night, Naruto stood in front of the abandoned shrine where the coordinates had pretty clearly pointed to. It hadn't been hard to find, especially when Sasuke's chakra signature had guided him the last kilometers. It pulled Naruto closer like some kind of invisible string, and all he could do was follow.

All he wanted to do was follow, really.

Sasuke was inside, just few steps away, but Naruto felt hesitant. All the doubts he had felt before, when he had thought that Sasuke wouldn’t write to him after all, had now come back to his mind. What if he had somehow interpreted the whole situation wrong? What if all that had happened last time were just one-time-only thing and Sasuke expected them to go back being what they had been before? Or what if Sasuke had started to regret everything? 

It would be horrible. 

Because Naruto didn't regret anything. He wanted this, he wanted them like this, so bad. He wasn't ready to give up on it now. (Not ever.) 

But Sasuke had written to him. He hadn't regretted then, at least. It was stupid to think all the what-ifs now, here from all the places, when only way to find out would be just man up and go inside.

Naruto watched the building in front of him. It had lost all its colors in the shadows of the night, and in other kind of situation it would’ve looked pretty off-putting, even scary. But faint light flickered from the windows, and Sasuke’s chakra was pulling him closer, its familiarity soothing Naruto’s nerves and its dark power making his skin catch fire.

He opened the door.

Sasuke was standing there, and as soon as Naruto saw him, all his doubts flew away. He looked serious, a little annoyed even. And maybe he was, because Naruto had made him wait three days before showing up, but it didn't really matter because Sasuke was still happy to see him now. Naruto could feel it.

“Hi dobe”, Sasuke said. He looked all composed and nonchalant, but Naruto could almost hear his heartbeat. It was just as fast as his own. Sasuke couldn’t fool him anymore, didn’t even want to, it seemed. Naruto felt his friend’s nervousness, his slowly fading anxiety that matched perfectly Naruto’s previous one. His relief and growing happiness.

“Hi”, Naruto said and dropped everything he had carried with him, took the few steps that separated them and wrapped his hands around Sasuke’s body. Sasuke’s scent, his warmness, his alluring chakra surrounded him, and he felt like coming home. “I missed you”, he whispered.

“Hn”, Sasuke said and kissed him.

\---TBC---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you have anything at all to say! Was Sakura's POV any good?
> 
> Next chapter is already half-written, so it shouldn't take long to finish. There will be more Sakura, and also Kakashi and Shikamaru will show up. And of course some Sasuke and Naruto scenes too.


	9. Can't You See He's Hurting?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the longest chapter so far, and I debated whether to cut it half or not. But then it would have been two unusually short chapters, and I didn't like that either. 
> 
> Unbetaed, as usual, so expect misspellings and sorts. I really struggled with the latter part of this (Sakura's POV), it was hard to get right. But I hope it'll make sense. 
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy, and once again thank you all for reading and commenting!

**9\. Can't You See He's Hurting?**

Naruto felt dizzy, in that now almost familiar way he seemed to always feel when Sasuke’s soft lips moved against his. His head was spinning as Sasuke’s tongue parted his lips, as he tasted Sasuke in his mouth. He melted into that kiss, into Sasuke’s touch that made all his previous doubts feel completely stupid.

_How the hell did it take us so long to get here? We could’ve been doing this since the war!_

Sasuke’s skin felt like burning under Naruto’s palms, even with all the layers of fabric separating them, and Sasuke’s hand traveled to his neck to pull them closer. He could feel Sasuke’s desperate want all over him, and when he pressed their bodies closer together he felt Sasuke grow hard against him. Sudden contact made them both moan into their kiss and Naruto felt shivers run down his spine.

When they finally broke the kiss they were both panting and Sasuke looked absolutely flustered, his thin lips all kiss-swollen and shining with saliva, cheeks tinted bright pink. _Cute,_ Naruto thought briefly. But Sasuke was saying something, and Naruto had to refocus himself to Sasuke’s words instead his lips.

“You’re late”, Sasuke said. His tone was plain, but Naruto could hear faint accusation in it.

“Am not”, he frowned. “We still have four whole days of that ‘week’ of yours left.” He was pretty sure they had agreed to time-windows rather than specific days to see each other. Like, Sasuke had actually suggested it himself.

“So, this night and four days then?” Sasuke asked. His face was carefully blank and Naruto didn’t like it. Especially not with what he had to say next.

“Um, actually two. Or three tops, but then I really have to go back or my plants will die since I didn’t ask Sakura to water them, and I need to prepare a speech for this charity event Ino spoke me into, and I guess I really should study more for the test too, I _kinda_ promised that I would...” Naruto trailed off, remembering very well the look on Shikamaru’s face when he had told that his day-offs wouldn’t have any additional studying in them. But he’d needed a break from it or his brain would’ve exploded, even without Sasuke he would’ve left the village to train, maybe actually train this time, since he had spend too many days just sitting (mostly) still and it really wasn’t–

“Well how gracious of you then to come here at all”, Sasuke cut off Naruto’s trail of thought. “Guess your countless admirers are keeping you busy, _Nandaime-sama.”_ Sasuke’s tone was light, but Naruto would’ve sworn he felt some real bitterness underneath. It worried him.

“What the hell Sasuke?” he asked taking a step back. His hands were still resting on Sasuke’s sides, liking the contact too much to let go. “You said yourself that we should only meet when it’s convenient for both of us. You have things to do too, you’re here on a mission, right?”

“Of course I am”, Sasuke snorted stepping out of Naruto’s reach. Anger was now starting to cloud around him, concealing every other emotion. “Why would I be here otherwise?”

 _Ouch._ That twisted Naruto’s chest unpleasantly. He had no idea where Sasuke’s sudden hostility was coming from. It was one thing to feel some of his emotions and entirely other to know _why_ he was feeling them. 

“To see me, maybe?” Naruto suggested, trying hard to keep his voice as steady as Sasuke’s. “Thought that was the whole point of _this_ ”, Naruto gestured between two of them. “To see each other more often.”

“Maybe”, Sasuke shrugged. “But we both know our priorities. Wasn’t that obvious from how little we were in contact before?”

“How little we–“, Naruto started in dismay. Okay, that’s it. He’d had enough of this shit. “How little _you_ were in contact! If you are trying to say that I’m not prioritizing you high enough, you should look into mirror, asshole! I wrote to you at least once a month the whole time you were away, while you didn’t even bother to respond. Not to mention that you were _away_! And yes, I know why and it’s totally fine and all, but you didn’t even ask me to come with you–“

“...like you would leave your precious village...” Sasuke snarked, but Naruto kept going.

“But you didn’t even _ask_! Instead you did that fucking forehead thing to Sakura and made her follow you for, how long it was, weeks?”

“...three months...”

“ _Fucking three months!_ Like she was some kind of puppy of yours to play with, until you decided to ditch her. And still didn’t ask me to join, didn’t visit, didn’t write, didn’t _anything_!”

“And why should I have? You were with that little _Hyuga girl_ back then, remember”, Sasuke said, spitting the ‘ _Hyuga girl’_ out with so much venom that Orochimaru would’ve been proud of his pupil.

“ _Hinata_ ” Naruto corrected gritting his teeth. What right had Sasuke bring _her_ into this like that? _“_ I do remember. I wrote you about it, but you never responded. If you had a problem with it you should have told me back then, instead of now, when we’re already broken up long ago.”

“Why _did_ you break up?” Sasuke inquired.

For a moment Naruto considered responding with something vague just for the sake of arguing. But Sasuke seemed like he genuinely wanted to know. And Naruto had actually been thinking it over again lately. So what the hell.

“It just didn’t feel right, y’know”, he started. He took in a deep breath and calmed himself. “Back then I didn’t know why. Sakura said it was because we were imbalanced or something, but it wasn’t that. She’s really strong, y’know, in many ways.” Sasuke snorted, but Naruto decided to ignore him. “I only realized it after... well, after I last saw you. I–I did it because... she wasn’t you.”

“Oh”, was all that Sasuke said. His face was mostly hidden behind his bangs now, and the little that was in sight showed no emotions.

“Yeah, _oh_ “, Naruto repeated with a dry laugh. “So if you’re really that upset that I didn’t come here sooner or something, just say so, teme! I would have come, if you’d asked. I do lot of things cause of you, if you haven’t noticed. Or heard. I bet there’s dozens of stories out there about the things I have done just for your sake, before the war and after.”

He ripped his eyes away from Sasuke and watched silently at the fire that burned at the centre of the room. It made their shadows dance, even though they were both unmoving, more like statues than humans. He could feel Sasuke waiting him to continue. He sighed.

“And it hasn’t changed a bit”, he said. “I would still do all that and more... But you know I hate reading between the lines. Please don’t force me to do that.”

“You only hate it because you suck at it. Should practice more for your future career in politics.”

“Oh, fuck you Sasuke”, Naruto sighed running his hands through his hair. He didn’t want to keep arguing, he just wanted Sasuke to understand him and stop trying to piss him off. Any other day he wouldn’t have minded, but it was middle of the fucking night now and he was starting to get tired, and his blood was still boiling from their previous kiss and this really wasn’t what he had hoped they would this night and–

“Is that an insult or a promise?”

_What?_

“Um–what?” Naruto shook his head. Had he missed something? He rewind his previous words to find–

_Oh._

“You heard it, I’m not going to repeat myself.” Sasuke was smirking now behind his bangs, but his emotions were suddenly too all over the place for Naruto to grasp them. Which was saying that–

“You’re serious?”

“It’s fine if you don’t want to...” Sasuke shrugged, but his eyes had grown darker and there was a challenge in them.

 _He’s really serious._ Naruto felt his mouth run dry.

Last time Sasuke had suggested it had been at the brothel. _Ages_ ago. When he had been Menma. After that, it had only been other way around.

Not that Naruto was complaining. He absolutely _loved_ being fucked by Sasuke. His dominance seemed to come so naturally, and while Naruto would’ve never admitted it out loud, obeying him once in a while didn’t irk him at all.

In a way, it’d been a surprise to him. He wasn’t very submissive type by nature, and enough people were telling him what to do already, but when Sasuke did it, it was somehow different. Maybe it was because Sasuke had serious power behind his every action, he wasn’t just words.

Or maybe it was because Naruto trusted him.

But while Naruto (as a former top quality hooker) was _very_ versatile, he had his preferences. And before Sasuke, he had generally enjoyed topping more than bottoming when it came to man on man sex. And he’d enjoyed being in control, being the one pushing the buttons. (Although with Sasuke he still did that more often than not. Just from a different perspective.)

“Then”, Naruto cleared his dry throat. “–it’s both. Definitely both.” And the way Sasuke smirked to him in response made him forget all about their previous argument.

“Good, then get on your back”, Sasuke said, promptly taking off his shirt and tossing it aside. Naruto was mesmerized by how his muscles flexed, how his skin looked almost like glowing in the dim light, so it took him a moment to register his words.

“Um–what?” was all he could say as they finally did. Had he misunderstood something?

“Are you deaf or what?” Sasuke huffed. “On your back, I said.” He gestured towards the floor where his bedroll was spread, his backpack sitting neatly next to it.

“I thought you said–“

“I’m well aware what I said”, Sasuke cut him off. “Now shut up, you’re even more of an idiot than usual today.”

Momentarily stunned, Naruto did as told, namely shut up and get to the mattress. Sasuke followed him soon after, climbing on top on him, ripping off both Naruto’s jacket and shirt at the process. And before Naruto had time to say anything, he had pulled Naruto’s pants down and positioned himself between his legs, which Naruto opened on a reflex.

He felt a flash of nervousness from Sasuke, promptly covered away, and realized what Sasuke was doing. He really was an idiot today. Sasuke lowered himself down and for a moment just hovered over his crotch. It seemed like Naruto was having another Sasuke’s first experience.

First kiss (yes, Naruto counted that now), first time being fucked, first time giving a blowjob. (Not that he was keeping a list or anything...)

“You don’t need to–“ Naruto started, but his own moan cut him effectively off.

“I want to”, Sasuke said, and licked Naruto’s length up again. Then he seemed to be done hesitating and took its head to his mouth, and Naruto was past complaining. He shuddered and bit his lip. _Oh fuck_ , it felt good!

Sasuke’s movements were experimental, and for a moment he didn’t seem to know what to do. Naruto didn’t say anything. He knew for a fact that Sasuke hated being the least experienced one of them, so he usually tried to pretend like he didn’t notice.

And it was kinda cute how confidently Sasuke tried to act every time he did something that was new to him.

Like now, when he started to slowly swirl his tongue around Naruto’s cock, bobbing his head every now and then, taking Naruto in deeper and deeper, fastening his pace gradually, until Naruto was panting helplessly.

“Fuck... Sa-sasuke, you’re good...” Naruto breathed, sliding his hands into Sasuke’s hair. Sasuke moaned appreciatively, and the vibration it caused made Naruto moan too. If something, Sasuke was always a fast learner.

Sasuke wrapped his hand around the base of Naruto’s cock and took Naruto in as deep as he could. Then he looked up and caught Naruto’s gaze. And oh my god if that wasn’t the most sexiest thing _ever._

He sucked and licked and pumped Naruto’s length in perfect rhythm, his mismatched eyes hooded and dark with lust, saliva dripping from his mouth and Naruto felt himself leaking. His hands in Sasuke’s hair were shaking and his hips twitched from restricted attempts to thrust up.

“Ah... Don’t... I’ll come if you...” Naruto panted, tugging Sasuke’s hair to make him stop, or keep going, or whatever he wanted, because his hand, his hot mouth his tongue and everything felt too good and Naruto couldn’t think straight anymore.

Fortunately Sasuke could. With a plopping sound he let go of Naruto’s cock and licked his lips. “Now that can’t happen yet”, he said smirking. Sasuke worked his way up to straddle Naruto’s hips, sliding out of his pants at the process. “Not when you haven’t even fucked me yet.”

Naruto gasped involuntarily. He had somehow forgotten what was going to happen and oh he wanted it so bad! Sasuke looked absolutely gorgeous on top of him and Naruto could feel his nervousness again before Sasuke hurried to hide it. He couldn’t help but smile.

“Then come, I need to make you ready”, he said slowly, pulling Sasuke closer for better reach. But Sasuke surprised him yet again.

“No need”, he said with a sly smirk, coming closer anyway, pulling one of Naruto’s hands between his ass cheeks. Naruto had _not_ expected to feel a base of a plug in there. He tugged it gently, making Sasuke wince on top of him and his half-hard cock twitch.

“Wow”, Naruto said, while his brains tried to process the idea of Sasuke working himself up for him. Then: “No wonder you were so pissed I was three days late.”

“Stupid, I did it only when I felt your chakra approaching”, Sasuke huffed, but the way his cheeks catch colour told Naruto that he really had been waiting for this. For him. And it was still so new idea, felt so incredibly good, that Naruto just had to fist his hands into Sasuke’s already tousled hair and pull him down for a deep kiss. 

Sasuke responded eagerly, all his emotions making Naruto’s heart swell. Making him share those same impossibly intense, scary and oh so wonderfully overwhelming feelings himself. Making him forget everything else around them.

“I need you inside me already”, Sasuke whispered to his ear as they broke the kiss. He bit Naruto’s earlobe and tugged it hard, as to intensify his words, his urgency.

“Yeah, okay”, Naruto mumbled. “I have lube and condoms in my bag...”

“I have lube here.” Sasuke bend over him to reach his own bag. “You’re clean, right?” he asked then.

“Yeah, of course I’m clean”, Naruto blinked. Sasuke bend down and kissed Naruto’s lips hastily, pinning his hands to the mattress above his head.

“Good. I don’t want a condom.”

“O-okay then”, Naruto managed to say, unable to actually think. Because all of the sudden he been assaulted by the strongest wave of possessiveness he had ever felt. All coming from Sasuke. It made his heart beat faster and his throat tighten. He didn’t know whether cry or laugh. It felt so _good_ to be wanted like this. Wanted by him, and suddenly he needed to be inside Sasuke so bad that he couldn’t take it anymore. He tried to reach for Sasuke but–

His hands wouldn’t move. They were stuck above his head where Sasuke had pinned them.

“Hey!” he protested, bending his neck awkwardly to see what the heck Sasuke had done. From the corner of his vision he caught a glimpse of shining ninja wires. He turned his head to face Sasuke.

“Thought you wouldn’t stay at your place otherwise”, Sasuke said innocently and smirked. “Just relax and let me handle this.”

Naruto couldn’t say he was surprised how Sasuke had managed to take all the control again. He tugged the wires experimentally, but they didn’t let go at all. His dick twitched in excitement, spurting precum on his stomach.

“You have no idea how good you look like that”, Sasuke muttered quietly, running his hand over Naruto’s upper body. Naruto felt his cheeks catch fire. This was the night of first, it seemed. Sasuke had never complimented his looks before. 

Then, like realizing he had just been staring at Naruto, Sasuke reached behind himself and pulled the plug off hissing a little. And Naruto had to swallow hard, because _fuck,_ Sasuke probably had no idea how good _he_ looked like that. But he didn’t give Naruto time to appreciate the sight.

Before he even realized, Sasuke had poured a generous amount of lube onto Naruto's cock and moved himself enough that his ass was now touching its slickly tip. And that little contact alone was all it took to wrench a long moan from Naruto. Sasuke had already sucked him sensitive, teased him, tied him up and just been so breathtakingly sexy that Naruto was rock-hard and leaking.

“Sasuke... please”, he found himself pleading.

If Sasuke noticed Naruto’s desperation, he’d decided not to care. He moved like in slow-motion. Lowering himself slowly onto Naruto, little by little, eyes closed and biting his lip.

Naruto would’ve wanted to touch Sasuke, to help him relax somehow. He felt Sasuke hot and almost painfully tight around him. He kept his eyes locked onto Sasuke’s carefully expressionless face and tried his best not to move his hips like he so badly wanted.

Finally, when Sasuke had taken Naruto fully in, those mismatched eyes opened. Fierce look in them hadn’t been what Naruto had expected. But fuck, he liked it.

“Say it again”, Sasuke demanded.

“S-sasuke”, Naruto panted. “Just... please...”

And Sasuke lifted his ass up a little, lowered it again. Repeated the motion couple times experimentally, his burning eyes locked into Naruto’s. Lust in them so raw that Naruto felt like drowning in it. Then he started moving faster and Naruto let himself to meet every thrust, gently at first, but as Sasuke suddenly shifted and released a long strained moan, Naruto couldn’t hold himself anymore.

But it seemed that neither could Sasuke.

“Ahh... Naruto, harder, more”, he commanded panting, letting his head fall back and grabbing a firm hold onto his bouncing cock.

“Yeah...” Naruto moaned, trembling against his ties, but the thin wires only sink deep into the skin of his wrist. It hurt so terribly deliciously, and kept his hands tightly in place. Everything he could do was just thrust his hips up harder, make Sasuke moan louder and try his best not to come before him.

Sasuke was pumping his cock fast, and soon Naruto felt him clench around him as he hit his orgasm, unloading all over Naruto’s stomach. His moan was almost a scream, and Naruto thrust himself in him again and again until he couldn’t hold it anymore.

He didn’t know if he was cursing, he didn’t know it was his or Sasuke’s moan that filled his ears, because everything in him had focused onto the single feeling of _Sasuke_ everywhere around him as he came hard inside his hot tightness.

\---

“It’s good to be here, y’know”, Naruto said yawning. They had cleaned up and spread Naruto’s bedroll next to Sasuke’s, and now they just lay there, legs tangled together in a way that make Naruto’s heart shudder.

“Hn”, Sasuke responded, but his sleepy voice had lost all of its usual edge.

“I mean it, Sasuke”, Naruto continued. “I’m so glad I became a hooker.” He felt Sasuke tense next to him, and chuckled lightly. “You should be too, really. Only because of that we are here now. I wouldn’t have ever realized things otherwise.”

It was dark, the fire long since died away, so Naruto couldn’t see it, but he was sure Sasuke was rolling his eyes to him. But Sasuke had relaxed again, so it really didn’t matter that much. Naruto sighed contently and closed his eyes.

"I would have said something... eventually", Sasuke said after a moment of silence. 

"Yeah, probably”, Naruto admitted. “But it might’ve been too late. I mean, I almost married Hinata without noticing that it wasn't what I really wanted." 

"Hn, that's because you are an idiot", Sasuke snorted. But Naruto could feel possessiveness in his voice. It made him want to smile.

“Too bad for you, I guess”, he laughed softly. “Cause you’re stuck with me now.”

“Horrible destiny...” Sasuke mumbled, turning into his side and wrapping his arm around Naruto’s waist. “Now sleep, ushuratonkachi...”

\---

Three days later Naruto was facing Konoha’s grand gates. It felt strange to come back home without Sasuke. It didn’t feel... _home_. He had already gotten used to Sasuke’s distinct chakra signature constantly around him, and with every step he’d took away, it had grown weaker and weaker, until it was just a faint reminder in the back of his mind.

It felt horribly wrong.

No matter how many times they parted their ways, it always pained Naruto. But at least this time he had been the one doing the leaving, while Sasuke had stayed behind. Somehow it was better, not to see his figure slowly disappearing from his sigh but simply turn around and go. Like ripping off a band-aid.

Villagers smiled and greeted him as he walked through the gates. Naruto smiled back and waved his hand, bitterly grateful that Kurama’s chakra had healed all of his hickeys and bruises and other marks, like the ones that the wire had left on his wrists the first night. He knew they would think differently about him if they'd know his secret. Before, it had made him proud in a twisted kind of way. But now it only made him sad and angry. 

It was okay if they didn't approve prostitution as their future leader’s pastime, but to know that they wouldn't approve Sasuke as his...

Yeah, it felt shitty. 

But he lifted his chin up and smiled, because that's what he was known for. And he didn't have time to feel sorry for the situation. So he just ignored everything and tried to focus on the positive, like he had decided to. 

\---

Sakura had started to notice a pattern in Naruto’s behavior.

Every time he got back home from his training trips, he was happy for a while. Not as overflowingly so as he had been the first time Sakura had noticed it, when he had talked with Sasuke. There was now a bittersweet tone in it, but it was still genuine happiness.

First it had lasted few days, but as the time went by, it had decreased into few short hours. Sakura had made a habit of spending those hours with Naruto as often as possible, for he was more like his normal self during those times.

Because after that, he grew anxious, even grumpy. He tried to cover it with constant smiling and joking, but Sakura knew better. And so did most of his other friends, though Sakura didn’t think they suspected anything. They just let Naruto believe he had fooled them, without really questioning why he did it at the first place.

Sakura didn’t know what to think of it. She herself had tried to talk to Naruto about it several times, but the blond always brushed it off by saying he was just tired or stressed or something, so the end result was the same.

Sasuke kept sending Naruto messages quite often. Sakura was fairly sure she was among the only ones who had noticed it. She just happened to wait some letters herself, and so she was watching the sky for birds more eagerly than most. And due her night-shifts she usually was awake in odd hours, and that was when most of the birds came. They weren’t all Sasuke’s summonings, but the way Naruto reacted to them was always the same, so she assumed they were still all from him.

Usually those messages calmed Naruto down a little, making him happier again, and definitely more focused and motivated. It was fascinating to watch, really, how big of an impact they really made. Naruto before a message and Naruto after a message were like a night and day. Two entirely different persons. She wondered what Sasuke was writing to him to cause such an effect.

Sometimes Naruto didn’t receive a message in a long time, and those times he just remained anxious and grumpy and got even more restless to a point he was absolutely worst company to be with. He must have known it, since he always buried himself to his studies and stayed mostly alone. If he had off-days during those times, he just ignored them and kept going.

Until Sasuke finally wrote to him again. Then he used the holidays he had spared and left the village almost immediately. To train... Just to come back all happy once more.

So yes, there was a pattern in Naruto's behavior. And Sakura wasn't the only one who had noticed it. Shikamaru and Kakashi were clearly scheduling Naruto's weeks to align his expected mood, avoiding high profile missions during his restless times, placing him doing low-risk manual labor instead, utilizing his few hours of happiness to interact with people and motivation spikes for Hokage-training with Kakashi.

Sakura didn’t know what to think of that either. 

\---

Sakura had come to the big gates to send Naruto off, and utterly tired looking Shikamaru had tagged along. Sakura was guessing Naruto’s future advisor wasn’t that happy about Naruto leaving all the time. She couldn’t really disagree with him.

Naruto’s training trips had become more frequent, and if he wasn’t all depressed because of Sasuke ignoring him, he hardly ever spent a single day off in Konoha anymore. When he had previously waited until he had two or preferably more days free before leaving, now even one whole day was enough. And if he got a chance, he stayed the whole week away.

Lately Naruto had even been looking like he had actually trained when he got back, making the possibility of him just escaping somewhere to relax vanish. Even if he had done it before, Sakura was sure it wasn’t the case anymore. Whenever he came back, he looked so terribly tired that any onsen responsible for that should be put out of business. But the happiness in his eyes was also something that simple bath-house couldn’t create.

“You know what Naruto is hiding, don't you?” she asked Shikamaru, as they watched Naruto’s figure disappearing into the forest.

“Yes”, was the short answer the Nara head gave to her.

“Did he– did he tell you?” 

“No.”

Sakura felt strangely relieved. At least Naruto was hiding it from everyone, not just from her. She knew Shikamaru and Naruto were close, but she had always pictured herself second only to Sasuke in Naruto’s friendship tier-list. It was stupid.

Like Naruto would ever keep such a list, rank his friends like that. But it still made her happy.

“He's seeing Sasuke, right?” Sakura asked then. It wasn’t really a question, for she was fairly sure of herself. But Shikamaru was considered to be the smartest one around the village, it didn't hurt to know what he had to say about the matter.

“If seeing means fucking in your dictionary, then yes, they are definitely seeing each other”, Shikamaru said bluntly, and Sakura felt her cheeks catch fire. That was something she had tried _not_ to think about, but clearly not everyone were as discreet as she.

But Shikamaru’s statement just confirmed all Sakura’s suspicious. It was as good as official now, to her. Naruto and Sasuke were together. And she couldn’t keep all her worries inside herself anymore.

“Do you think anyone else knows?” she asked Shikamaru.

“Kakashi.” Sakura nodded agreeing. That was what she had thought.

“Anyone else?”

“Not that I know. Why?” Shikamaru asked raising a brow lazily.

“I think” Sakura said slowly, already thinking ahead, “that we need to have a little chat together.”

\---

And so they did. She had thought that the Hokage’s office would be suitable place for their ‘secret meeting’, and she felt stupid of how excited she was over it. It had been way too long since she had been on a mission, if casual talking they were going to have got her this giddy.

Kakashi was, as per usual, sitting behind his desk, and currently looking at her expectantly. His cloak was hanging on the back of his chair and his hat sat on the table. He looked more like her former sensei than the Hokage he now was, and it was reassuring. Tsunade had rarely used her Hokage-attire, and seeing it on Kakashi always made her feel a little intimidated.

Shikamaru was leaning against the window frame beside Kakashi, not looking at her but the cloudy night sky outside.

Sakura cleared his throat and started. “I think we need to talk about Naruto and Sasuke.”

“They are just too cute together, don’t you think?” Kakashi smiled, and for a moment Sakura really felt like punching her Hokage through his office wall. Yes, of course they were cute together, but that wasn’t what Sakura had wanted to discuss about. Thank god Kakashi got the point with just her glare and became serious. “Though they do create couple of problems with this affair of theirs.”

“I already talked to him about his concentration”, Shikamaru said, “and I think he got the point.”

“Good”, Kakashi nodded. “And he really _tries_ to wait ‘till he has days off before running to him, which is nice. But do you think he should participate council meetings just before or right after he has seen Sasuke? I really can’t decide.”

“Before, in my opinion. He’s much more composed then and–“

Sakura watched both men disappointed as they kept talking about Naruto’s schedule and how their current system with it was paying off. Somehow it felt wrong that they were knowingly using Naruto’s moods to perfect his performance without telling him (although she would probably have done the same in their shoes), but it wasn’t what she was most disappointed of. She was disappointed that Naruto’s performance and responsibilities were all they were thinking about in the first place.

“Can’t you see how he’s hurting?” she cried, abruptly stopping their conversation. Both men turned their eyes to her.

“And what exactly are you suggesting we should do about it?” Shikamaru asked dryly.

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking it from you guys”, she snapped. Honestly, were all men in this village just callous bastards?

“There isn’t much we _can_ do to that, Sakura”, Kakashi said calmly. “He’s hurting because he misses Sasuke. But as long as Sasuke can’t live in Konoha, there's nothing we can do to it. Or are you suggesting that Sasuke is making him unhappy out of spite and we should break them up or something?”

“No!” Sakura yelled. How could someone even say such a thing as their friend? “Sasuke loves him”, she said, and instantly felt like a traitor revealing Sasuke’s probably most precious secret.

“Ah, it’s safe to say we all figured out that much”, Kakashi said, smiling slightly to her distress.

“And approximately _everyone_ knows how Naruto feels about him”, Shikamaru added. “Even though some are stupid enough to believe it’s just a friendship, like Naruto keeps insisting.”

Sakura felt her face heating. She had probably been the last one of Naruto’s friends to realize that. And that was just pathetic. She had been there through it all, closer than anyone, without ever even questioning it. She had been so stupid, too focused loving Sasuke herself.

 _“Sasuke-kun, Sasuke-kun, Sasuke-kun. That’s all you think about!”_ She remembered saying to Naruto all those years ago. When she had thought that the only reason Naruto wanted Sasuke back was his stupid promise to her. She hadn’t realized it. Even if it had been so obvious.

Sasuke had always brought up the worst in her. Whenever he was even mentioned, she had somehow transformed into that stupid, insecure, blushing, whining, useless damsel in distress that in retrospect annoyed even herself. She had never been like that on her own.

But it was different with him and Naruto. Sasuke made him strive and shine, focus like nothing else. Work harder, try harder. Their rivalry had prevented Naruto from giving up when they were kids, and their bond had made Naruto able to create even more bonds. In a way, Sasuke had made Naruto the person he was now. They all had seen that.

“But knowing and accepting are two different things entirely”, Kakashi sighed. And of course Sakura knew that it was probably the sole reason the boys were hiding their relationship. Why they couldn’t be together. Why Naruto was so unhappy. Sakura had tried not to think about that too much and just be happy for their love, but reality was a cruel place.

Romantic or intimate relationships between men were not unheard among shinobi, but it had been a long time since any public figure had been in one. In normal situation that alone could have caused a scandal. But the fact that those men were specifically Naruto and _Sasuke_ was a much bigger problem.

Pardoned or not, Sasuke was still former missing nin and international criminal, and if not completely hated, he sure was at least highly distrusted in most shinobi villages, especially in Konoha. It would take years of hard work to get that trust back.

Sakura had (for some reason that most certainly didn’t involve her wedding plans with said ex-criminal) thought about that a lot in her past. But she had come to a conclusion that given enough time, Sasuke would someday have a chance to live relatively normal life with someone in Konoha.

That someone just couldn’t possibly be the village’s top pick for their future Hokage. That someone couldn’t be Naruto. And how sad was that?

Sakura doubted whether villagers would completely turn their backs on Naruto even then, but his chances to become a Hokage would surely diminish greatly with Sasuke. Most of the clans hadn’t even approved Sasuke’s pardoning, so it was likely that they wouldn’t approve him being with Naruto either. Naruto’s authority amongst the clans would drop to bottom, his suitableness for Hokage’s position would be questioned... 

“And Sasuke would be hated his whole life”, Sakura gasped as the final realization hit her.

“For seducing our _pure and precious hero_ , yes”, Kakashi confirmed her thought. Shikamaru rolled his eyes and sighed audibly, but didn’t say anything.

“Not to mention, Uchiha isn’t exactly the most reputable clan nowdays either”, Sakura added. She didn’t need to say more. Madara and Obito had been responsible for the whole last war, Sasuke had... Well, he had done what he did, and even Itachi was famous for killing his entire clan.

“Even without anyone knowing the truth about the massacred, the clan’s name is not the same it was before”, Kakashi admitted shaking his head. “The Curse of Hatred is too well known for the clans good. Even if there were more of them alive, an Uchiha would not be suitable pick for Hokage’s spouse.”

“Not to mention how Hyuga would react to that”, she added. Guilt tingled in her stomach. That problem could have been much smaller without her previous meddling with Naruto’s love-life. She was thankful that neither Kakashi nor Shikamaru said anything other than hummed in agreement.

Few minutes of silence followed, each of them thinking hard how on earth one single relationship could cause so many problems.

“Isn’t there anything we could do about that?” Sakura asked after a while. “Like, I don’t know, make Sasuke look less bad in a public eye?” She had thought about it a lot. There should be at least _something_ that would help, but her work was taking too much time to allow her develop any actual ideas, where as Shikamaru and Kakashi were already working with village politics and–

“Maa, wouldn’t that be great”, Kakashi said stretching in his chair. “But you do remember how poorly it worked last time, during his trials.” And Sakura remembered well enough. It hadn’t been hard only because people had been reluctant to believe that someone who only moments ago had wanted to do all kinds of terrible things had just suddenly changed profoundly, but also because Sasuke hadn’t been keen on doing anything to convince them otherwise.

 _‘I don’t care if they hate me or if they don’t trust me. I wouldn’t trust me either if I were in their place’,_ he had said to them. He wasn’t like Naruto, who had sought so long for people’s acceptance and fought so hard for it. If someone didn’t like him, he just turned his back and claimed that he didn’t care.

“But it might work now”, she said, sounding unconvinced even in her own ears. But they had to do _something,_ and she refused to believe they couldn’t _._ Because the truth was that Sasuke _did_ care, no matter what he said. Sakura had seen it enough times in his eyes to know.

Kakashi sighed audibly. “I’m not so sure about that. As long as the council prevents me bringing out any dirt on Danzo, I can’t think anything we could do that we haven’t already tried. He killed a Hokage candidate, and that’s something Konoha isn’t ready to forgive easily.”

“I know, I know”, Sakura huffed. Then she looked around in the office. Scenery behind the windows had been swallowed by the darkness of the night, and the whole building was quiet. Kakashi had even sent his ANBU guards away for them to speak privately. She opened her mouth, then closed it again.

“But couldn’t we... persuade them with something?” she asked finally, as lightly as she could. “I mean, they worked with Danzo for decades, there must be quite a few things they want to keep hidden about themselves too. We wouldn’t need to publish anything, really. A simple rumor could be enough... ”

“Maa, Sakura, I’m surprised”, Kakashi said. Sakura didn’t really appreciate how amused he sounded. “Didn’t regard you as someone to suggest blackmailing the council. You know that’s pretty much treason, right?”

“I didn’t mean blackmailing!” Sakura gasped, feeling her chest tighten. “Not exactly, anyway”, she added, because it really had been what she’d meant. “Just something to remind them what is right thing to do... Or something. And don’t look me like that, it’s not like you have any better ideas!”

Kakashi just smirked at her behind his mask, but Shikamaru looked dead serious.

“Actually”, he said, “I think that Naruto is trying to do something of that sort already. To find something to use against them. At least he spends awfully lot of time in the archives for someone who hates studying.”

 _Of course Naruto would try to do something_ , Sakura thought. He wasn’t a person who just accepted things that he felt were wrong, had never been. But she hadn’t thought Naruto could be so cunning. And that he hadn’t talked about it to anyone.

He really kept too many secrets to himself.

“I could help him”, Shikamaru continued, although sounding a bit reluctant. “Make sure he doesn’t get himself in trouble, at least. But I think you should stay out of it. The Hokage planning anything to do with treason isn’t a good idea.”

“Agreed”, Kakashi nodded.

“And no offense Sakura, but you would only be on the way”, Shikamaru added, not even looking apologetic. Just bored, like he did. And who the heck this guy thought he was?!

“I wouldn’t be on the way!”

“Have you studied politics since the Academy?” Shikamaru asked.

“...No...”

“Do you have access to the archive?”

“...Not to all of it”, Sakura had to admit.

“And do you have the time to spent studying between your hospital shifts?”

“No, I get it, I would be on the way!” Sakura glared at Shikamaru annoyed.

“I’ll let you know if there comes up something you can help with, okay?” Shikamaru said. Sakura took in a deep breath and nodded. She really wanted to help Naruto, but like the Nara had oh so brilliantly pointed out, it wasn’t her expertise. It just–she didn’t want to be left out on this.

“In any case, don’t you think we should let Naruto know that we know about him and Sasuke?” she asked then.

“Ah, I think it’s much more fun this way”, Kakashi smirked, and added more seriously: “Besides, if they don’t want to tell it to us, it’s their decision.”

“But they’re hurting!” she protested. Naruto was clearly unhappy, and she was sure that Sasuke wasn’t pleased either. They couldn’t just watch it and pretend not to notice, right?

“They are adults”, Shikamaru said slowly, and Sakura felt like he was treating her like a child. But she stayed silent. “If they decided to do it like this, it’s their business. Even if it hurts them. I’ll help with whatever Naruto is working with, but that’s all.”

“My thoughts exactly”, Kakashi agreed and Sakura snorted. Of course they were on the same side on this. “Let them keep their ‘secret’ as long as they want. All we can to do as their friends is show our support in a discreet manner.”

“Because your constant teasing is so discreet”, Shikamaru mumbled under his breath.

“They can handle it”, Kakashi waved his hand dismissively. “I could be a lot worse.” Sakura couldn’t argue on that.

“Okay fine”, she sighed resigned. She had already decided to confront Naruto, no matter what Shikamaru and Kakashi thought about it. “But what if they decide to come out with it?” That, at least t wasn’t something they could handle on their own. They would need more than just silent support. They would need a plan, a strategy a–

“I have already started to think about it”, Shikamaru admitted. “I’ll need more time, but if Naruto doesn’t do anything too spontaneous, I think I’ll manage to come up with something that’ll soften the hit. I’ll know more when I'll find out what Naruto has been doing in the archives, though.”

“That’s decided then”, Kakashi said, picking up his hat and looking all Hokage again. “We’ll need to keep an eye on Naruto, help him with whatever his plan is, but otherwise we don’t meddle. Not before they decide to stop beating around the bushes.”

Sakura nodded, and decided to confront Naruto as soon as he would come back. If Kakashi and Shikamaru were emotionally too constipated to talk about feeling with Naruto, it was their loss. But Naruto had pined silently long enough, without Sakura being able to console him properly, and she couldn’t take it anymore.

\---TBC---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t plan any of that what happened between Sasuke and Naruto. Or I planned the smut and the conversation after that. But everything else just came with them. Guess they needed to talk a bit more, after all? But Sasuke doesn’t do emotions well, as you can see. Fortunately Naruto is a little better, but as a couple they still have a long way to go. Talking about feelings without fighting? Maybe some day...
> 
> Sakura really surprised me with how she just didn’t get along with Shikamaru at all. His attitude pissed her off all the time and I feel like Shikamaru thinks she is just stupid (which she isn’t!). I really struggled with their interaction. They don’t interact much in canon, don’t they?
> 
> But what did you think of this chapter? All comments are appreciated!
> 
> In next chapter: Sakura and Naruto have a little heart-to-heart. Naruto’s POV, for sure, but I think I’ll leave Sakura’s rest for a while.
> 
> Till next time! Be safe and be brave, these are rough times we're living now..


End file.
